[turtleneck0987]

This is a post about meeting new people. For a while, I was looking to get more confident until I realized that "how much confidence I need to feel" depends on how I view others. My "best" interactions, [by this I meant my interaction with the closest people in my life] are not characterized by a sense of confidence but by a sense of comfort. Therefore when meeting new people, I realized I should not aim to feel confident but comfortable and that can only happen if I challenge my perspective on others until I can relate to people as human first.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hey turtleneck. That's pretty interesting food for thought.

I see this is your first post here.

Welcome!

[Iloivar]

Well. When you met some of the closest people in your life, did you become comfortable the first time you met them, or quickly after doing so? Did it require confidence to meet them? Assuming it was you who initiated the first interaction.

And what is this perspective on others that you refer to?

[FluffyPuppy]

While confidence is a great thing to have and we all strive to feel the best we can about ourselves we're all people with insecurities; I know I have a lot of them. What should be more valuable to others is integrity and genuineness and if that's not valuable to someone I've found it's best they're not in your life to begin with. I've applied this to anyone in my life (friends, family, romantic interests) It's been very trying and frustrating because it seems a lot of people only want to be involved with you if you have things they need provided outside of just your companionship and love; I hope you meet some quality people soon friend.

Hey turtleneck welcome to PC!

I agree with your observation that feeling comfortable with yourself when you meet someone new, actually helps you get to know the person for who they are. There's a great TedTalk about vulnerability (someone else mentioned it too, in another thread in PC) Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | TED Talk

Isn't it interesting that being vulnerable is *key* to having authentic relationships with other people. Just imagine if people stopped putting on a mask to impress others. IF everyone was real to themselves, and real to others, so many problems would disappear with the way we communicate and interact with each other.