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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,068
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#41
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I did indeed contribute towards the breakdown of communication with this person and have apologised for that. They have apologised to me too. It has been positive in that way. Thanks. |
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TunedOut
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#42
If you decide that the friendship doesn't contribute anything positive to your life, don't hang on to it. Toxic people never change.
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Discombobulated, RoxanneToto
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
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#43
Also remember, Discombobulated, that ending the friendship doesn't mean you are saying they are all bad or fully to blame or anything like that. You're just saying it's not a good relationship for you to be in. It's not a judgment on them; it's about what is best for you. "I don't like you" or "I don't want to continue this friendship" does not equal "you are a bad person." I get the feeling you are worried you are being judgmental in ending it. You aren't. You are just choosing what works best for you.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Discombobulated, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,068
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#44
Quote:
Yes I do feel in a way I am being harsh. This person has been a supportive friend many times. They are not a bad person. They have issues yes. In the past they have emoted to me many times about these issues. They still want to be friends despite lashing out at me more recently. I am a people pleaser generally and it is confusing for me. Being a people pleaser is not healthy I recognise. Thanks for reading and understanding, it really helps. |
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Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto, TunedOut
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
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#45
Quote:
I also have experienced the end of a friendship quite recently. The situation was very different (the person just chose to block me, I was unaware of any issues.... except for one omission I had made ) I also believe that your heart is open and caring and that in time you will find other special friends. I consider you a friend too :-) many hugs __________________ |
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Discombobulated, TunedOut
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Discombobulated, LilyMop
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,068
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#46
Quote:
I agree Tuned out gave an excellent piece of advice. Thank you for your kind words about me - I consider you a friend too! Reading through this thread I can see progress. I did post about my belief I am not meant to have friends. That was self sabotaging. Actually I do have some close friends who are special to me and more recently I developed a friendship with someone else too who is lovely. I must confess I am very picky about who I choose to be my friends too. |
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Fuzzybear
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
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#47
A reason a season a lifetime.
This has been a painful one for me. Slowly I am processing it. |
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Anonymous49105, eclairparty98, TunedOut
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
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#48
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Discombobulated
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Discombobulated
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Member
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 349
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#49
Wow.. I have just signed in to post about my own issues with someone I thought of as a friend and saw this as the most recent post.. That's fascinating to me. I hope you are well discombobulated.. I read that you have grown in a positive way from this experience since posting months ago. That's great all the best to you, keep being strong and be happy, we're here for you
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Discombobulated
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Discombobulated
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,068
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4 12.2k hugs
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#50
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,068
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#51
Quote:
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eclairparty98
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
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#52
Hi, I'm sorry to hear that your friendship ended. At least you gave your former friend closure. Not knowing why someone chose to stop talking to you all of a sudden is an even worse way to end a friendship. It hasn't been that long yet, so maybe your friend will respond to you, or maybe they won't. It depends on what was said in the email. I also ended a friendship with a friend a few months ago. She kept on disrespecting my boundaries and she tried to change me, etc....
It's hard to deal with the grief. Try to remember that good times and the things that you learned from that friendship. My friend did help me realize a few things about myself. Try not to talk to much about what happened with most people unless they're really willing to listen to you. I got the feeling that my other friends just expected me to get over things right away and that I was better off without my friend. It sucks, but like my former friend said, a lot of people don't really want to hear about negative things to often. Hopefully your friend will respond back to you. soon. |
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Anonymous49105, Discombobulated, RoxanneToto
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#53
wishing you peace and happiness
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Discombobulated
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,068
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#54
Just adding this for myself. I have kept the door open for this person because I don't like closing doors on people.
However I met with a mutual friend today and without my prompting my mutual friend talked about several observations on this other friend we have in common. I didn't talk openly about the upset me and this other friend had (it isn't fair to involve others) but they have separately reached very strikingly similar conclusions about this friend's behaviour. That this person has poor boundaries and low emotional intelligence to quote our mutual friend. It was validating that someone who similarly knows this person has also felt the same way about this person. It felt a bit disloyal talking about them when they weren't there but it helped to see I have not imagined or exaggerated some of the things that bothered me about them. It did help me process, the door is still open but I will keep stronger boundaries with this person. I allowed them to previously violate my boundaries and that was my poor choice. |
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Anonymous49105, Fuzzybear, RoxanneToto, TunedOut
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jesyka, RoxanneToto
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,068
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#55
@jesyka Thanks! Yes this friend did respond, the thread actually goes back to December last year so I wouldn't blame you for not reading it all. We did talk and things went bad again during lockdown. I have struggled processing all of it but I am getting there. Talking with a mutual friend helped today.
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jesyka
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#56
That's great, Disco
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Discombobulated
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,410
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#57
Quote:
I think that I did read it all. Anyways, sorry that things went bad again during lockdown. The fact that another friend agreed with this friends faults is not a good sign. I'm glad to hear that talking to a mutual friend helped. |
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Discombobulated
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
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#58
It doesnt have to end, you can fight for the good friendship.
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Discombobulated
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,068
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#59
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Anonymous49105
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
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#60
Friendships are like the wind. They come, and make a impact, that is subtle most of the time, and then they leave quietly and before you know it, it just disappeared.
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