[kathairein]

Hello, I know this is long and well, what can I say...
So a few months I began to notice the intimacy being sucked out of our marriage all of a sudden so I asked him what was going on. At first he was very defensive, after a huge explosive argument he confided that he was sexually attracted to a female friend (that I know well in the community) and his massage therapist (which makes it even worse), and is a parent of my child’s schoolmate. Eesh!
Apparently, they had formed an emotional friendship. Texting at odd hours of the day and night, I found she had been sending selfies inviting him to workout with her at the gym. The thing is she not only crossed the boundaries of her friends marriage, she crossed the line of ethics in massage therapy. Never emotionally connect to a client.
So later I found out that she believes in polyamory. She believes in emotionally and physically attaching to many people. Which is the opposite of monogamy. I gently confronted her and asked her what was going on with her and my husband. She said that she is not interested sexually in my husband. So I told her that he thinks it’s more and is sexually attracted to her. She said that she had no idea. Truth is she likes male attention and connects herself emotionally to these men. How can you not know that the man is attached? Sending invitation selfies and texting through a private fantasy induced chat space. How stupid can she be?
My husband and I have been healing from this for a couple of months but my husband still wants and longs to run into her and see her and be her friends. I just don’t see this being possible. The excited look in his eyes when he knows there is a community function or kids birthday party to go to and she might be there.
She is in our community even though she stopped contacting my husband (because I asked her to) and they do not see or talk. My question is how will he get over this? My husband I have been going through erotic recovery. He has been struggling with desire for sex and my labido is out the roof so to speak.
Which is a whole other issue. So what to do now? What’s more funny is that she (the attractive other) sees me and she won’t look me in the eye. She won’t even look my way. What’s with that? Weird. Am I missing something? Or being naive?

[~Christina]

Couples counseling!!!!!

I think you seeing a Therapist on your own will help you process how you truly feel about all this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello kathairein: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So...welcome to Psych Central.

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of emotional affairs that (hopefully) may be of interest to you & possibly to your husband as well:

What Is An Emotional Affair | Psychology of Women

What if You Suspect Emotional Infidelity?

What Everyone Should Know About Emotional Affairs

5 Steps To End An Emotional Affair

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Open Eyes]

How old are you and your husband and how long have you been married?

[Fuzzybear]

[Crazy Hitch]

Sorry but I don't know that he didn't already have an affair with her. Too many red flags. A sweeping statement, yes.

[sarahsweets]

I do not think this is ok. If it happened with this one friend it will happen with someone else.

[Iloivar]

To add to what Christina said, maybe you can also suggest him seeing his own individual therapist as well.

But first and foremost, couples counseling.