I like someone who associates me with a negative event

I’m not sure how to go about this situation any further...

I like someone a lot who also has feelings for me but we were both connected to negative experience that impacted her more than myself. She does have anxiety and it’s hard for her to express what she is trying to say so I am coming for advice. I’ve been staying in contact with her checking in daily to see if needs anything or if I can help in any way but she has declined. She doesn’t mind it but I also don’t want to me a burden. I just want her to know I am here for her. I related to her I would do anything for her no matter what and she appreciates it. However, she started to express how it’s tough for her to truly express her feelings because it’s “cloudy” - she said she associates me with the negative experience and she just can’t explain what she wants to say.

Do I leave her alone for a while? Do I not contact her as much to give space? I want to be there for her but I also don’t want to be a burden. Is there any hope or should I move on? I don’t know but any advice would calm my own sanity. I’ll take the cold truth! Thank you! Truly appreciate the time!

You sound a bit...smothering. i would give her space.

Hi ECWeather, welcome to Psych Central.

Hmm, in order for someone to be more helpful to you it would help if you shared what the event was that this other person continues to struggle with. It is very possible that this event affected the two of you differently, for her it may have been more traumatic and she is avoiding you not because you are a bad person but instead she still has not processed and recovered from whatever the event was. You cannot change the event, and how it affected her, but it's possible that you can have a conversation about it where it may help her to at least face it and work on coming to terms with it.

It sounds like she was honest with you to tell you because of the negative event, she is just not able to be closer with you. You also did the right thing by telling her you were there for her should she want. It’s not anything personal against you as to why she is not able (or ready?) to be your friend- it is that it triggers bad memories. I’d leave her alone and maybe one day it will be different, maybe she will even reach out to you.

Associate youself and her in a positive event. That is what I would do.

Daily contact is a bit much. You have let her know you will be there if she needs you. I would give her some space.