[minionpanda]

Hello people,
My primary purpose of being here is to get relationship advice from fellow readers.
I am currently in high school and there are so many things going on in my life not all of them bad though
I am in a bittersweet relationship with my girlfriend, a junior in the same school. I know she loves me but there are times when she makes me jealous of her ex-crush. I have shown discontent at her behavior but she says she is messing with me and says sorry but it happens again and again. Now I have commitments to studies too and rarely manage to go to school and meet her. Also we do not text or meet often,let alone chatting. In such a scenario, whenever I go to school, she throws tantrums and then apologizes. I just want her to be her normal self so that we can fully enjoy whatever little time we have because it is just matter of few months that I graduate school and enter into a long distance relationship with her. How ever once I graduate I would have plenty of time but would not get to spend it with her. Help please.

[bpcyclist]

Hi, panda--welcome. This sounds like a difficult situation. Might I ask why you don't go to school often?

Long-distance relationships can be very difficult, speaking as one who has done it. Have you two discussed what is going to happen when you head off to wherever? If not, now might be a good time to do that.

[minionpanda]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Hi, panda--welcome. This sounds like a difficult situation. Might I ask why you don't go to school often?

Long-distance relationships can be very difficult, speaking as one who has done it. Have you two discussed what is going to happen when you head off to wherever? If not, now might be a good time to do that.

Hello...thanks for answering
I have been constantly taking exams since the year started. So Whenever there's no exam, I have preparatory holidays. And whenever I have regular classes, my parents don't allow me to go to school because they feel it's a waste of precious time and I can study better at home and rightly so.
Neither of us gets the time to sit and talk comfortably be it online or in school. Both of us have tried to talk about it but since I have an exam the morning I meet her, it ends inconclusively as we have to rush through what we want to say. Adding further misery to the relationship is fact that her parents don't know about the relationship since they disapprove the idea of being in a relationship at such a young age.
In such circumstances, only way to meet her after I graduate would be after her school and that too not more than five minutes as her bus would be waiting for her.

[Skeezyks]

Hello minionpanda: Welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

You didn't mention how old each of you are. However, based what you wrote, it sounds as though both you & your girlfriend may be teenagers. Perhaps your gf is around 16 or 17? There are a couple of things here that strike me in reading your post(s).

First (assuming my estimate of your ages is more-or-less correct) it sounds to me as if you may be expecting (or perhaps "hoping for" is a more appropriate term) mature behavior from a young lady who, in many ways is still a child. I'm a very old person myself. But I do still have some dim recollections of what it was like way back when I was in high school. And the behavior you describe, on your gf's part, seems pretty-much the way I recall relationships being in high school. (From what you wrote it does occur to me that, perhaps, you may be taking this relationship more seriously than is your gf.)

The second thing that strikes me here is that it sounds to me as though you may be wishing your gf could be the young lady you want her to be, which may not be the person she is. At least from my personal perspective, a man (or a woman) can't expect their partner to be the person he or she wants that person to be. One has to accept one's partner for the person they are... warts & all. I'm married. And there are things about my spouse I'd dearly love to change. But I can't. (I'm sure she feels the same about me!) Still we love each other, & are committed to one another, none-the-less.

As time passes, both you & your gf will mature. And perhaps she will grow into the woman you'd like her to be. Maybe she won't. Time will tell. But I think, at this point, you simply have to accept that she is the young lady she is. And part of that includes saying things that make you jealous & "messing" with you. Anything else is simply likely to lead to additional discontent on your part & strain on your relationship. Of course, it's certainly important for the two of you to talk these concerns through to whatever extent your circumstances allow. (It sounds as though it's pretty limited at this point unfortunately. I don't know as there's a lot you can do about that at this point other than to wait until your situation, & your gf's, change.) Good communication is the bedrock of any romantic relationship.

So... having written all of that... here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of help with putting your situation into some perspective along with links to 4 articles on the subject of long-distance relationships:

You Can Only Change Yourself

You Can't Change Others: Letting People Be

9 Steps to Better Communication Today

The Challenge of Long-Distance Relationships

Love in Long-Distance Relationships | Healing Together for Couples

7 Tips for Long-Distance Couples

https://psychcentral.com/blog/solve-...ship-problems/

My best wishes to you both.

[minionpanda]

Hello...thanks for replying.
Almost all of your assumptions are more or less accurate. My gf is 15 and I am 17. However, I know she's as much as serious in this relationship as I am, maybe even more. It's just that she just pulls my leg which I certainly don't like.
I know people mature with age and maybe that's why I attribute this ' leg pulling' of her to her age and immaturity. But am I correct in this assessment of mine? Because it's purely based on the hope that she will grow up sooner or later. The communication gap could also be a factor, maybe it's just that she feels I don't care enough and wants me to be more possesive of her? And when
I ask her to stop she realises her mistake and apologizes but time and again her emotions gets the better of her? I don't know as neither of us gets the time to talk about it. It feels as if our relationship is based on assumptions, where one could make only positive guesses to keep it going. It's not like we feel suffocated, rather we wish we had more time to communicate.
Anyways, you and the links you provided were of great help. Thanks a lot, Sir. Will definitely try to work on it.

[eskielover]

Because it's purely based on the hope that she will grow up sooner or later.

My response is based totally on my personal experience after a failed marriage I allowed to last way, way, way too long.

Before the wedding, I saw red flags in him of attitudes that were totally immature. I was even going to call off the wedding because of it. My mother's lack of wisdom comment was "don't worry, he will grow up & change & become responsible when he has to".

The fact was that even at 54 when I decided to leave finally after years of counselling, the T told me that my husband (in his 50's) had the emotional maturity if a 12 year old. I understand NOW (12 + years after leaving) exactly why he was incapable of ever emotionally maturing.

The point I am making is that you can stay in the relationship with hopes she will mature but if it really bothers you even at this young age, constantly be aware of whether it is developing over time & never commit to a long term relationship when you have red flags glaring you in the face.

Yes, she is very young & immature but THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES she will ever change to be what you want in a partner. Use your watchfullness & wisdom & proceed with caution.

[Open Eyes]

First of all, you are both very young yet and still learning about relationships and how to communicate when having a relationship. It's pretty normal to have some insecurities and uncertainties about what you want at this stage of life. There are also social pressures depending on what your cultural customs are too. Sometimes cultural customs make it harder to have the time to communicate when still young yet and she may not have much experience when it comes to dating or what it means to experience a relationship with a male. Lack of experience and knowledge most definitely can bring about some awkwardness.

[minionpanda]

Thank you for replying. You are spot on in your assessment of the situation. The dilemma now is whether to stop or to let things flow in their natural course?

[minionpanda]

Originally Posted by eskielover

My response is based totally on my personal experience after a failed marriage I allowed to last way, way, way too long.

Before the wedding, I saw red flags in him of attitudes that were totally immature. I was even going to call off the wedding because of it. My mother's lack of wisdom comment was "don't worry, he will grow up & change & become responsible when he has to".

The fact was that even at 54 when I decided to leave finally after years of counselling, the T told me that my husband (in his 50's) had the emotional maturity if a 12 year old. I understand NOW (12 + years after leaving) exactly why he was incapable of ever emotionally maturing.

The point I am making is that you can stay in the relationship with hopes she will mature but if it really bothers you even at this young age, constantly be aware of whether it is developing over time & never commit to a long term relationship when you have red flags glaring you in the face.

Yes, she is very young & immature but THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES she will ever change to be what you want in a partner. Use your watchfullness & wisdom & proceed with caution.

Thanks for taking the time out to reply and give this wonderful advice. I will try my best to make this relationship work and at the same time remember your advice. Thanks again.