[hartbroken]

I'm having an issue that's really making me question what kind of a person I am, where my values are and what I should do about the issue.

I have a girlfriend who I really care for and I enjoy being around her. She loves me a lot, although we have chosen to be celibate. We really are close in all other ways. She doesn't want to marry (and I don't blame her) because I'm not really good with money (having bipolar manic episodes, I've messed up a lot here). But, we are close enough that she would get jealous if I was out with someone else, even though we choose to remain at a distance from each other physically. I'd be jealous of her being out with someone else, too, but maybe for different reasons, idk exactly.

Recently I have been daydreaming of someone else, because this new person has been paying a lot of attention to me in ways that are very meaningful to me. And I'm not ready to suggest anything because I care for my girlfriend too much. But I don't want to be missing out on someone who may suit me better. However, I feel completely responsible to keep my girlfriend happy.

Can anyone help me here?

[Have Hope]

Break up with your girlfriend. You fancy someone else. It's only fair to let the other one go.

[hartbroken]

This is going to bust me apart emotionally, it's going to bust my girlfriend apart emotionally. Neither of us are ready for this kind of abrupt tearing apart.

[Have Hope]

Well, in my opinion, you owe it to her to break up. You like someone else and you're already thinking this person could be better suited for you. It's not fair to your current girlfriend to string her along simply to save her from potential heartbreak. It's not honest. The honest thing to do is to honor your true feelings. What else are you going to do?Break up. It's simple. Problem solved.

[hartbroken]

I fancy my girlfriend more. Sorry, I can’t break up with her. I’ll break ties with this other person if I have to.

[Have Hope]

You seem very confused. First you say you're daydreaming about someone else, who cares for you in a meaningful way, and that you feel you may miss out. I don't think you care enough for your current girlfriend. It seems you just don't want to face the pain of breaking up. Your current girlfriend isn't doing it for you.

[hartbroken]

I am confused, that’s why I’m here. Ok getting honest with myself isn’t hard because I don’t want to be honest, it’s hard because I can’t see things clearly all the time. I love my girlfriend. I am having a hard time bridling my sexual needs in a celibate relationship. I fantasize when I shouldn’t. I agree with you, I’m a confused jerk. But I know who I love. I don’t love this other girl. She is very pretty but in reality it would be a mistake to be with her. Maybe I needed to write it down to be clear to myself. I will not be leaving my girlfriend. I will work on seeing reality as it is and stop fantasizing in irrationality. You might notice I struggle with psychosis in schizoffective disorder. That is a real struggle, not something made up.

[Have Hope]

Glad you cleared that up for yourself. Sometimes I need to write things out or talk it out in order to find clarity.

[hartbroken]

Have Hope, thanks for helping me get straightened out.

[divine1966]

Hang in there. Sometimes feelings are confusing. I’d it possible you two won’t be celibate forever?