Am I overthinking it?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years. Our honeymoon phase lasted a bit longerr than most.. I have a tendency to be overly clingy.. They’re 7 days in a week and we’ve been around each other the entire 7 days (outside of work) eventually that stopped because to many arguments and petty fights began so we decided lets just physically see each other 3 days and the other we can just talk on the phone..

BUT even with us agreeing to that he still would come and see me (sometimes to get me from work) so we ended up in a disagreement & he says he doesn't want to talk to me everyday all day he wants time to miss me... but that hurt my feelings because I feel like I’m dating to marry & I’ve told him that he didn't have to come all the time and he still would ...

fast forward to this past week his phone blacked out.. so he went to my work place to let me know but I wasn't there, he comes to my home to let me know .. then the next day he calls me from his house phone to ask wether I had to be to work , the day after he comes to my home before I had to be to work ... but today I haven’t heard from him at all . its ways he still could have contacted me but he didn’t which makes me feel like he doesn’t care to talk to me ... YESS a day without talking isn’t much but it only takes 10 seconds to say “im just checking in”

He’ll always come with the same excuse the day after “I was tired from work” or “I fell asleep” but I don’t know wether he is tired of me or just plainly manipulating me... its REALLY starting to become a consistency thing .. couple days he’s doing good then the next day he’ll make me feel bad for even wanting his attention..

I don’t know how to deal

How long have you been dating this person?

I think you two need to sit down and have a conversation about your future and where you both see yourselves in a years time. Living together or seeing each other every few days. It sounds like you’ll have a lot of work to do in this relationship before y guys move in together though because the argument will only escalate if you don’t deal with the root cause now.
Lastly, you need to initiate contact and communication as much as he does. It’s not entirely up to him to contact you and nor is it entirely up to you either.

Question: when he backs off from you, do you bury him in texts? Or do you give him his space? If you're clingy, as you admit, I would imagine that you probably continue to text him when he's backing off from you.

Relationships need space to breathe. He doesn't need to always be in control of when you're in touch with each other, but you do need to allow space and room in between texts and in between seeing one another.

He says he needs to be able to miss you, which indicates to me that you may be smothering him. MAYBE. I am just making an assumption based on what he said. Him backing off and not texting you may be his way to regain his space and to miss you. He may be sensing and picking up on your clinginess - they usually do.

Relationships are a balancing act of being in touch, seeing one another, but also allowing for independence from one another and breathing room.

Also, you said you're dating to marry. Do you know that he's the one? Have you talked about it? Does he wish to marry you?

Do you have your own hobbies and friends? When he backs off and needs space, can you give him that space and do something else with your time?

Yeah sometimes I bury him in texts but not all the time.. & I agree you have some amazing points. The friends I associate with live to far away or they have kids so I can’t really rely on them.. Idk I just feel we don’t have to talk all day everyday but he still could check in to say Hey.. I do.

In my experience relationships first start with not seeing each other as often and then progress to seeing each other more and eventually wanting more like living together or marrying. If relationship starts hot and heavy but then needs to cool off and contact needs to be limited then it’s not a natural progression. Also if the reason that they can’t see each often is fighting and bickering then it’s not healthy.

You said you want to marry. If you can’t see each other often because you fight then how could you be married? You’d have to see each other daily.

Doesn’t sound like this relationship has future

@divine1966 I dont understand your statement. Is it suppose to be “ hot and heavy” all the time?... I’m saying The problem is that we are around each other all the time & when we do get space from each other He doesnt check in ......

You need to discuss what both of you want out of the relationship. If you are on a marrying campaign, you need to make sure you are not wasting your time.

By hot and heavy I meant it started fast and you are seeing each other daily, which is quite intense. You however didn’t get along and decided to cool off my seeing each other less. Typically healthy relationships start slow by seeing each other infrequently and then it progresses faster and get intense with time. Your seems to be going backwards as you now limit interactions .

I think he probably needs his space from fighting and bickering and that’s why he isn’t checking in. Maybe his understanding of space is different from yours. You aren’t on the same page about things. And constant fighting and arguments are concerning.

I am not sure why you are not worried about you two fighting and arguing but are worried about him not calling daily. I am not sure I am understanding this dynamics. If you fight and argue now, it’s likely not going to stop all of a sudden when you get married.