[Aviza]

Which was a simple question. It makes me really wonder about him. I asked him if he would meet my best friend. It turned into a fight on his side really I was just talking via text. He gave me the 3rd degree basically.

Also he's super secretive doesn't answer questions about himself. I'm really thinking he's not as serious about things as I am. And he told me he has lots of friends but hasn't introduced me to any, and wants to keep me a secret basically. I'm starting to think he's not divorced. He always answers later like I'm pushing too hard for things to happen. But what's wrong with now?

[divine1966]

He is either married or in a serious relationship or dating several women or just wants sex .

When you said he only sees you in the afternoon and never evenings, it was obvious he can’t call or date in the evenings for a reason.

I was pursued by a guy once who only only called and texted and wanted to meet during the week and never weekends. It wasn’t working out for me. So I opted against dating him but turns out he had a serious live in girlfriend and just wanted to sneak around. Thankfully I didn’t get involved with him.

I’d stir away from this dude and don’t have unprotected sex please

[Have Hope]

Hi Aviza, I am really confused... in your last posts or thread you kept talking about how sweet he is, and how wonderful he is and that he asked you to commit. So now you're saying that he's secretive, that he keeps you a secret and fought with you over meeting your best friend? And he won't introduce you to any of his friends? How can this be a serious relationship yet if neither one of you have met each other's friends? That is essential. Do you not know whether he's divorced or not? That is also essential before getting serious with someone. Some things are just not adding up here.

[Aviza]

He is sweet to me but this fight raised some flags.

Time to hire that PI, gf.

Let me give you my card.

[Aviza]

Originally Posted by theoretical

Time to hire that PI, gf.

Let me give you my card.

Thinking of pulling a background check. Maybe should have before. But better late than never.

[divine1966]

Start by googling his name. You’d be surprised what you can uncover by a simple search

Look him up on social media

In my dating years I’ve met a few men who claimed to be divorced in their online profiles yet they weren’t. Ask for specific date of his divorce. See what he says

I’d not put much weight on to him being sweet. He wants sex and you are much younger than him so he got to be sweet to get some. Sorry to be skeptical like this but this guy’s story is fishy

[Aviza]

I couldn't find him on been verified. He's lying to me. But he hasn't texted me today either since his fight. I'm really trying to figure out how to approach this. Without him finding out I'm doing a background check. Thought I'd ask to connect on linkedin.

[divine1966]

I don’t believe he could find out if you do background check

[sarahsweets]

I think you should cut him loose and focus on yourself. I am not trying to be disrespectful but you seem to have relationships with men that start with sex and get serious right away, at least on your end.

[~Christina]

I think you would just be wasting your time trying to find out what he is hiding because in the long run it doesn’t matter he’s just not a good match ...., I’m thinking wife and kids keep him busy.

Just tell him your done and block his phone number.

When your first meeting many different guys now it seems like your Just moving to fast and all this talk of being committed or calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend ?

Just Slow down.... get to know someone better over coffee at a cafe or lunches , dinners, picnics when spring arrives. Going out for a movie etc

Good luck you deserve a nice man with good intentions

[Have Hope]

Yeah... Aviza. if you're now doing a background check to find out what he's lying about. you don't trust him. I think it's time to cut him loose.

[rechu]

I have to agree with the other comments. You seemed to rush into this relationship. Add that to the fact that he can only see you at limited times and doesn't want to introduce you to his friends, something seems fishy. I know when my husband and I started dating, we started meeting each others' friends soon after that. I wanted to meet his friends and vice versa.

[Aviza]

I've decided to break up with him. My therapist suggested not to put him on the defensive. Be neutral.

Originally Posted by Aviza

My therapist suggested not to put him on the defensive. Be neutral.

Wait, why?

For curiosity.

Not that I have a penchant for putting others on the defensive or anything. Or that I get perverse pleasure out of doing so, and consequently exercise this habit freely and often. Nothing like that.

Just ... just curious.

[Aviza]

I didn't go through with it. Mom said give him a chance. And I had dinner with my daughter tonight so just didn't do anything break up wise.

[divine1966]

Did he contact you since the fight?

[Aviza]

Yes a normal stuff, how are you.

[Have Hope]

Aviza, it seems you are easily swayed by what other people suggest you do. Your therapist suggested breaking up, so you were going to break up with him. Then your mother suggested to give him a chance, now you're giving him a chance. Why not listen to your own gut feelings on this? What does your gut tell you, and what does your own inner voice tell you about what to do? You were telling us he is lying to you, and that something is off... that there are red flags. Listen to your own voice on this one. There are red flags, and I think you should be paying attention to them.

Originally Posted by Aviza

I didn't go through with it. Mom said give him a chance. And I had dinner with my daughter tonight so just didn't do anything break up wise.

I agree with Have Hope on this, but why did you agree to not go through with the breakup? And why did Mom insist on giving him a chance?

[divine1966]

Why is even up to mom.

[Aviza]

We broke up. He said he will not contact me again.

[~Christina]

Good ! now block his number and any connection online.

Maybe take a break from dating for a while ? Clear your head..

Spend some time with friends

[divine1966]

I understand you are sad. I dm sorry. But it’s for the best. He sounded fishy.

Which dating sites are you using? If these are free sites most men are on there looking for hookups. Try eharmony

[Have Hope]

It is for the best, but I am sorry... it'a always a disappointment when things don't work out. I agree... maybe take a good break from dating and collect yourself again.