Boyfriend and I fought

He contacted me again. We hooked up. I know the truth but need to break away. He's married. He lied on his profile said divorced. Never will divorce. Basically wants a mistress and the attraction is killing me. He makes me feel so loved when we are together. I told him i was still processing.

Not sure what to make out if it. You said you’d not dare just for fun and you’d only date if there are wedding bells in the future. Why is it ok now if he is married to someone else?

I don’t recommend relationship with married men because it could back fire big time. When wife finds out she might: go to your work place, contact your daughter, shame you on social media etc or worse. I highly suggest you don’t do such thing

Dating married people could be dangerous

Would you want to be married to
A man and find out he cheats ?

Aviza, did you hook up with him after you found out he was married? You are treading on dangerous territory. Why do this?

You should be livid that he lied to you. Think about this man's character: he snuck around, lying to YOU and to his WIFE about what he was doing. He asked you to commit to him, when he's married! He played with your heart and toyed with your emotions.

You can do far better than this. You need to get a hold of yourself. Please don't get involved with a married man.

I broke up with him. Told him not to contact me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aviza I broke up with him. Told him not to contact me.

Now block him on all social media and block his number so you don’t even know if he tries to contact you.

Yes... my advice as well. Block him, do not contact him, and do not get back together with him.

@Aviza, I think this is a GREAT time to take a break from dating, to reevaluate your own behavior in this situation and to make some much needed changes in how you approach dating.

You rushed into this situation very fast. You wanted a commitment very quickly and you overlooked many red flags along the way. You wanted a commitment so badly that you blinded yourself to many important factors in this relationship that came into play.

Here's some tips to help:

-Don't commit yourself to someone without meeting their most important friends first, and their important family members.

-Don't commit yourself to someone before you get to know their full character first - and this takes TIME. [You must be able to observe the person's behavior in many different kinds of situations to get to know their TRUE character -- for instance: how do they behave towards strangers? How do they behave around their family and friends? How do they treat other people generally speaking? And how do they treat YOU in all different types of situations? When things get difficult or stressful in life, how do they react, and how do they treat you? These are situations that arise over time and are important situations THROUGH which you get to know someone's character.]

-Don't commit yourself before knowing that you have common values and common principles in life.

-And don't believe someone's fast declarations of 'love" and statements saying that we're "soulmates" -- that's a glaring red flag when it's said so early on before you even know one another.

This relationship has taught you many important lessons.

Please don't rush back into online dating because you're going to run up against the same exact problems if you continue moving forward with the same exact approach that you've had to dating. You must change your thinking and your entire approach.

Do you have friends? Maybe join some meetup groups and go out have fun with like minded people and keep yourself busy. Spend time with your daughter. Find hobbies. Going after unavailable or inappropriate men only causing you problems. In the future you could resume dating but right now it seems to only cause issues.

You've gotten some good advice in the last several posts. I hope you consider it.

I didn't go after an unavailable man. He was on a dating website and claimed to be divorced when in fact he's married. He lied. I found out, I ended it. I'm done talking about him. I'm back online and we'll see who I meet next.

Aviza, please take your time. You're jumping into dating right away again, which is very concerning. You could rush in all over again, and make the same exact mistakes. I don't understand why you cannot take a break from dating? What's your hurry? Are you unable to be alone in life?

You should be very wary at this point of whom you may meet on the Internet. People lie ALL the time, about who they really are, and about what they really want.

What's concerning is that you're right back online, right back in the game, immediately following this fantastical charade and lie with this man, whom you claimed to have loved. I'm worried you haven't listened to any of the wisdom that's been given to you on here and through numerous threads, and I'm afraid that you're not allowing yourself ANY time in between men to process what just happened, and most importantly, to learn from it.

Well honestly I think you do go after unavailable men and maybe you do it subconsciously, not on purpose.

You said you’d only date a man who wants to be married, yet when he told you he has no interest in getting married or even be a serious boyfriend, you still pursued a relationship with him and even became intimate

He refused to date you at any reasonable time of the day being unavailable for you to talk or date, you still pursued a relationship with him

He was unavailable from the beginning (even if you dudmt know he was married) but you still pursued him for few months. You even said you loved him and wanted kids with him even though you barely knew him and he wasn’t available for you at any deep level

It’s good you are done talking to him but I really hope you work with a therapist. I worry that you’d pursue unavailable men again without giving yourself time to process it. I hope good therapy helps

20-25 something years ago back in the hayday of MSN and AOL chatrooms ... I had a friend. Very sweet and kind and just couldn’t believe someone would lie.

She met lots of guys online, oh they sounded great ! She would type away for hours , they would make plans to met , some plain never showed or the ones that she did meet had used 20 year old pictures.

I kept trying to tell her slow the hell down, why can guy x only see you on Monday and not a Friday etc etc etc. why is he too busy to meet for a coffee but wants to meet at a bar ?

She was desperate and would accept crumbs. Often told people where she lived , not the address but she allowed them to pick her up at the restaurant or grocery shop ?? A literal stranger ?? She’s lucky she wasn’t a statistic.

I honestly got sick of it .. I made a fake account found a decent looking guys Picture on line and started chatting (typing) her up, I talked about my job as a office manager of some fake company, I talked of wanting a family one day, I cut off the conversation because I “ got a call “ I talked to her 2 more days, 3rd day my neighbor came over and pretended to be that guy for me .... she gave him her home address !!!!!! So I drive over and she opens the door...

I could have been a rapist,killer, some kinda crazy obsessive freak.

She finally realized how dumb she was for believing everyone.

It’s a shame people aren’t all trust worthy, but people lie for alll kinds of reasons.

A year later and much pickier she met a nice guy through that chat room and had a baby on the way.

My husband ? Yep met him online MSN local chat room , we typed back and forth for months eventually , talked on the phone all hours of the day. He had 3 boys , business owner.. we were friends , we got involved romantically 6-8 months later. This year is our 16th year anniversary.

If your willing to accept breadcrumbs then expect vultures.

Raise your standards , go slow, you have posted somewhere about it’s not safe for you to have another child so your biological clock ticking isn’t an excuse. Build a good relationship with the daughter you have. Find hobbies, learn to enjoy being okay alone with yourself.

Acting desperate will only attract losers and abusers.