[SorryShaped]

I had four different requests for help yesterday, but I physically can't function since the surgery and mentally I'm trashed from being me and the recovery process. My confidence is completely gone. I don't trust I can do anything correctly. How can I explain to people that I'm not able to function? These are all things I could normally do in minutes and was very good at and of course did for free to be helpful, but I really cannot do anything any more. I'm also very embarrassed by the odor of the colostomy, which I can't control either, even with the "neutralizers" and sprays. I stink badly. My digestive system is not well, but is mending slowly. How can I tell people I'm not useful right now? I feel awful and have been ignoring them but that makes me feel worse. I cried over this for at least an hour this morning and several times yesterday. I'm completely useless and worthless. Why can't they see that too?

[winter4me]

It is time to take care of yourself and, dare I say it, ask for help from friends. The surgery will heal, I don't know if the colostomy is temporary or not but you will get it under control. You are not useless, you are recovering from a major surgery and whatever necessitated it (sorry for not knowing)----and it is OK to cry, maybe they can't "see" you need them because you are ignoring them. It may be that they see you as the helper and can't quite imagine you feel this bad or need some caring.

[Open Eyes]

Being incapacitated can be very hard on some individuals. You had surgery and that means you are also recovering from the affects of the anesthesia. It's true that others that expect things from you may not understand, that means that maybe you need to evaluate if these individuals ever actually appreciated you. Do your best to distract yourself while you continue to slowly recover. Don't engage in beating yourself up just because you can't do things right now.

[Sunflowersok]

It is okay to say no and it is okay to put ourselves first, especially when we need it the most. The right people on your life will understand.

[SorryShaped]

It's like my life goes to help and they think I'm going to be fine. I'm not fine, I'm miserable. I'm anxiety-wracked and my depression levels are very high. I know the colostomy is temporary but it's too real and raw right now to process. I honestly feel like if I lost an arm publicly that people would still ask me to help move things. Thing is, these people know I had colon resection. They know a foot of my colon was removed, after they literally dumped my intestines into a tub to clean and rinse them. They saw the pictures my friend posted on Facebook. They know I'm still having pain and trouble functioning. A lot of people don't know that your intestines are where most of your serotonin is produced and when they aren't right, neither are you. Life feels so pointless right now. I feel so pointless and useless, but they ask anyway. I'm going to see if I can get a therapist appointment tomorrow. He sometimes keeps Saturday hours

[Open Eyes]

((( SorryShaped))) I am very sorry and I believe you in that others are being insensitive to just how difficult this kind of surgery really is. Experiencing this kind of lack of sensitivity can most definitely be very triggering. I had a very intrusive surgery myself as I almost died due to suffering an appendix rupturing and leaking toxins into my body cavity. I had to be completely opened up so they could irrigate all the toxins out of my body cavity. I woke up from surgery very confused due to the hours of surgery and anesthesia. Then I had to learn how bad things really were and see how horrible my stomach looked where they had completely cut me open and I had staples in this horrible huge incision from just below my breasts all the way down with this ugly drain. It really was a very long healing journey for me to slowly recover from. I had been poked by so many needles and had to endure a lot of pain as well. When they took the morphine drip away without warning me, the pain meds I was given did not last very long and it was hell waiting until I could get another dose.

Unfortunately, people do not understand what it means to go through a major surgery, they only can respect it if they themselves have gone through it.

[SorryShaped]

You've described my incision exactly. I was grateful to be rid of the morphine because it did almost nothing. I've got spots that feel like they're on fire sometimes, which is probably nerve damage.
On a positive side, I was able to get an appointment tomorrow. I also have a driver. My t has no idea what he's in for.

[Open Eyes]

Yes, these areas that feel like they are on fire are areas where the nerves have been disrupted and they are healing. This doesn't necessarily mean permenent nerve damage, it can take time but nerves actually CAN slowly reconnect and the feelings can go back to being normal.

Did you have to work on walking around and slowly getting rid of the air trapped in your body? I had so much air trapped in my body it was awful experiencing that.

[Open Eyes]

Your therapist needs to be able to "listen" as you vent all these frustrations. Going through such an invasive procedure is actually "traumatic", it's a physical trauma only others who experienced it themselves can validate and be more sympathetic to.

[SorryShaped]

Yes, I did have to walk a lot and still do. There are times it feels like things are not physically right, but I'll go for a walk and the most awful stench will work its way out of me. Sometimes it's gas, but others I'm not so sure.
You have been the most help. Thank you

[CARMSTRO]

Hey, (really don't want to call you 'sorry shaped'). You are going through a tuff time! Colostomies are tuff and most people don't understand that. Just having them much less the daily grind of cleansing, changing etc. is hard on you mentally. I had a client that had a colostomy and was so embarrassed by it but he eventually became used to the idea that it actually saved his life having one and was very diligent with his cleanliness which did help. He too had issues with odors but his therapists and doctors worked with him and seemed to really help his problems. He still has some rough times but now I see him smiling and telling jokes. Crazy old guy. He's 80 but so much fun to be around. I really don't like to give advice but look at it as a 'life saver' instead of a 'bad thing' (I had a stroke 3 years ago and I think it DID save my life). It's not easy and words are cheap but try to think positive and hopefully it will help you get through the days ahead. I wish you all the luck in the world....keep on keepin' on! .

[Be Still]

As long as you’re breathing, you are still useful to us. Right now your body is calling for your attention. It’s okay to heal without having to jump back into routine. I wish your friends/family knew this. Also we are not judging you, you are not any less desirable in our eyes because you are recovering from such an intrusive surgery (as you and Open Eyes have informed us). Absolutely zero judgement. In fact more adoration than anything. You don’t have to make excuses for recovery or be embarrassed about releasing smells. If people close to you have not done research on a colostomy and the aftercare, perhaps they are not fit to be part of your tribe right now? Nonetheless, we should be the ones having to overthink how we can show our support and care for you. You don’t need to be thinking about how we are perceiving you (Our opinions are 70% from ignorance anyways).

Choose yourself right now. Forget the noise. Ask for what you need people to quit doing or start doing more of. You are not a pain in the ***** for requesting support.

[Open Eyes]

Yes, it sounds like you are still getting rid of trapped air. And there can be some unpleasant oders for a bit too. It's going to take time for your body to recover from this surgery, but please know you will slowly heal and gradually regain a more normal self. This includes the fact that your brain will need a few months to finally feel normal as anesthesia can take a pretty long time to finally stop affecting your brain and you get your barrings back again. One of the reasons they don't like to do surgery on elderly patients is how the anesthesia may affect their brain.

So PLEASE allow yourself time to heal and have patience with how disabled you happen to be right now. As horrible is this wound from surgery looks now, it will all heal and not look so bad. You are normally a pretty physically active person and had worked out etc., too. So you are going to have to be patient with where you are right now with all this and allow yourself to actually heal where you can get back to being more active.

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

It's like my life goes to help and they think I'm going to be fine. I'm not fine, I'm miserable. I'm anxiety-wracked and my depression levels are very high. I know the colostomy is temporary but it's too real and raw right now to process. I honestly feel like if I lost an arm publicly that people would still ask me to help move things. Thing is, these people know I had colon resection. They know a foot of my colon was removed, after they literally dumped my intestines into a tub to clean and rinse them. They saw the pictures my friend posted on Facebook. They know I'm still having pain and trouble functioning. A lot of people don't know that your intestines are where most of your serotonin is produced and when they aren't right, neither are you. Life feels so pointless right now. I feel so pointless and useless, but they ask anyway. I'm going to see if I can get a therapist appointment tomorrow. He sometimes keeps Saturday hours

@SorryShaped I can't believe these so-called "friends" expect you to function normally after such an invasive surgery. They know you still have pain and they know the surgery you had was serious. Yet, they are really being insensitive by expecting you to do heavy lifting and whatever else they think you're capable of doing which you aren't, due to what you just put your body through.

The gut is the body's second brain. That is correct. When our gut malfunctions, it can really affect our mood and self-esteem and energy level. Hang in there and go see your therapist tomorrow or if he's not available, see if there's a walk-in clinic your driver can take you to over the weekend.

I'm sorry you are going through this. People can be so insensitive.