[Deilla]

I experience a lot of loneliness. I have no real life friends. So I count on my family a lot. But most of the time, they are not available. Most of them ignore me, including my own daughter. Last week was M's birthday. She won't talk on the phone, so I sent her a text to wish her well. I never heard back from her. I got worried this week and sent another text. She finally replied. But it didn't take away the huge disappointment.

My sister J used to text me from time to time. Now she doesn't say anything to me. She's just too busy. I tried to let her know that it bothered me. She got pissed off at me when I tried to tell her how I felt.

I could go on and on about how my family is letting me down. I don't know what I can do. It's beyond my control. I try to be the one to initiate. But I'm sad that I either get ignored or don't receive much of a response. I wish I wasn't in their life at all.

Same here. My brother used to give me lectures on family but imho what they really meant was that I should be there to support family, not the other way round. My family takes me for granted. I feel like most everyone in society lately needs a refresher course on what it means to be a functional human being.

[SorryShaped]

I understand. Sometimes I don't speak at all to anyone else for a couple days. I live alone and none of my kids makes any effort. I have very few friends and they rarely initiate, unless they want something.

[Deilla]

Sorry you guys struggle with it too. I don't plan to reach out to my family any time soon. That means I'll be isolated for a while. I'll have to keep myself busy with hobbies. Maybe I can try to make new friendships in my online games.

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Same here. My brother used to give me lectures on family but imho what they really meant was that I should be there to support family, not the other way round. My family takes me for granted. I feel like most everyone in society lately needs a refresher course on what it means to be a functional human being.

That sounds exactly like it is for me. I have a very small family. My parents are gone and so is my brother. I just have my sister, whom is the only one I'm in touch with. I have an older brother; and he does not want anything to do with us. I have some cousins but I'm not in touch with any of them.

My sister has given me lectures on how important family is. But what my family means to me is about what can I do for them. I feel like I'm the one who has to put myself out for them. They won't put themselves out for me. For example: my sister expects me to visit her every year (she lives 3000 miles away) but she will never visit me because she and her family don't have money. I don't think that's fair that I have to spend the money to go visit them and they will not do the same for me.

Also with my sister, she expects that someday I should move to where she is. I lived there and hated it. I never want to go back there and I know I will not enjoy being with her and her family.

When my late brother was alive, it had to go on his terms on how we can get together. He and lived about 120 miles away. I was never crazy about him, never mind living fairly close. He would never come to visit me just for a few hours, which is what I preferred. He always expected to stay with me for two days at least. I couldn't stand being with him for two hours enough as it was. And then, when he complained to my sister about it, she would stick up for him.

As they say, family can either be a blessing or a burden. I feel like you can have your family to fall back on if you're not doing well with friends. But it's hard when you're not crazy about your family. Well, that's the position I'm in.

Originally Posted by will19

He would never come to visit me just for a few hours, which is what I preferred. He always expected to stay with me for two days at least. I couldn't stand being with him for two hours enough as it was. And then, when he complained to my sister about it, she would stick up for him. As they say, family can either be a blessing or a burden. I feel like you can have your family to fall back on if you're not doing well with friends. But it's hard when you're not crazy about your family. Well, that's the position I'm in.

Me too. Everyone acts like I am too picky or something but my family is legitimately broken and problematic.

- my brother has always been disrespectful of me and he himself is not an upstanding person. He doesn't have health insurance or a job and probably will end up divorced living on my couch. He makes poor decisions but doesn't know he makes them.

- all of my cousins are broken people physically and mentally. NONE of them work. Most are on welfare and medicaid. All have elaborate diseases. All are lazy. Most are older than me so I would be taking care of them but there would be no pay back on the other end.

I would actually be willing to help them but I get the strong feeling based on evidence that when it came time to help me.. I would not be "family" enough for them. Their husbands or kids or whatever would take precedence.

I personally feel that what this thread seems to come down to is that some family take other family members for granted. It is too bad. I probably should have put more investment into friends.

[Deilla]

I doubt my family expects anything from me. And that's only because they don't want to offer anything themselves. Everyone is supposed to stand on their own two feet and ignore everyone else. There's no closeness in my family. There never has been. I guess I need to quit expecting them to talk to me. They basically don't. Not even to say, "Hi! How are you?" I had a T tell me once to lower my expectations and then I won't get hurt. Well, I'm going to have zero expectations. I know they just don't care.

[Open Eyes]

For myself, both my parents passed away last year, and before them my MIL passed away. I am close with my older brother but he lives in a different state than me so it's hard to get together but we talk and text to keep up.

I have a one daughter that I love very much but she is SO BUSY with her corporate job and her own business too so it's hard to nail her down, always working.

I miss my MIL and so does my FIL. It feels like a hole and I have been having a hard time adjusting.