I feel like it's hard for me to make friends.

I can engage in small-chat with people and get along that way but for some reason I'm usually blown off. I can make people laugh and really get involved with people but usually they don't want to get to know me more if that makes sense. I also don't have much dating experience either. Usually the girls I like are either taken or don't like me back LOL. The ones I am not interested in usually like me.

I will say that I did isolate myself...I was bullied and ostracized a lot growing up. I was tired of being rejected by others...So I coped with it by doing very well in school because I knew I could control that and I could not control what others thought of me.

I'm 23, M, I just feel lost. I don't have much of a social life, but I want to start meeting people at bars or public gatherings...It just fears me that if they ask me to meet my group of friends I literally don't have any. It's a tough cycle...Anyone else break through something like this?

Hi NeedHelp104,

So sorry that you are in this situation. I can identify with you in that.

My English is not very good but I want to express to you that I hope that things turn around for you. You certainly deserve to have friends who like and treasure you as a person.

Wish I knew what else to say. I wish you only good things. --- Yaowen

i felt awkward on making friends too. i don't know what to say. so I'm wishing you some comfort that you're not alone among people who are clueless on making friends.

Hi NeedHelp, I think it would be better for you to get involved with different groups, like meetup groups or find a group that like to do things you like, hobbies, some groups play board games which is actually how my therapist met his wife. Your would fair better if you found others that had the same interests as you. I am not a big fan on meeting people in bars, that is where you may run into someone who may have a drinking problem or may be superficial. It's better to get involved with activities near where you live.

Hi NeedHelp, I truly sympathize with you. It's hard to connect with ppl sometimes. Maybe you can help other ppl? You are smart, so I'm sure you have a lot to offer. There are so many ppl in need of help. This way you'll get to meet lot of different ppl, who are kind and helpful. Best of luck

I agree with Open Eyes that groups are an excellent way to socialise, that way there are always plenty of people to talk to about shared interests. My tip is to pick an area or two (be it a sport or whatever) that you really enjoy, that was it moves the focus onto the subject and not the people which takes the pressure off.

I too was bullied and it also affected my social confidence. It made me hyper aware of rejection, even the slightest sign I would back off. I'm a lot older than you and sadly it's still a problem this me now so I commend you on seeking help now. The times I have done better it's been the group method though.

Good luck and be kind to yourself!

Hello! I can totally relate to your situation. In my experience, when we really want something it keeps eluding us. I can't give you any reason why, but it just happens that way. Maybe you can stop trying to forge a deeper connection with people and just go with the flow. Just be yourself, put yourself out there and enjoy yourself. Often we find our strongest connections when we least expect it.

Usually friendships develope when people are doing something an activity. It brings more of a connection because it's something both are engaging in and discovering and learning so they both are engaging in something.

For example, I liked riding horses and tended to make friends with others who liked riding too. Or, when someone takes classes and plays a musical instrument, often they make friends with someone who is also doing that and they begin to share things they are learning and working around. There are people who make friends with others that go bike riding in groups too. I have a friend that got involved with taking ball room dancing classes. She gradually got to know others who also got involved with that too. She began to make friends. We have our personalities as you described yours, you are likeable and friendly and the next thing to do with that is find something you can get involved with doing where you can develop interesting friendships.

People tend to like doing things, activities and they build relationships around that. Like for instance, taking cooking classes which can be fun and it's an activity that some actually find they end up enjoying. They meet other people exploring that activity too, and they begin to chit chat about that activity and a friendship develops.

There are things in people you want to avoid though. There are individuals that tend to talk about different groups in a POSSESSIVE way. For example, "my hangout, my group, my club". These individuals tend to be controlling and will look to OWN conversations, and need things to happen THEIR WAY. You will fair better with people who instead have open minds and like to listen to different opinions and different styles of cooking, art, literature, ideas etc.

There are so many activities you can get involved with and try. You don't have to be a master at any of these actiivites either. Instead, it's more about exploring and learning and meeting others who are doing the same.

Also, sometimes a person who is friendly and fun loving and social can actually be a threat to a controlling type personality. Like the kind of individuals who need to be the possessive type where your friendliness can feel threatening to them. Possessive type people NEED to have others agree with their opinions and ways to doing things. They tend to not function well in a group unless they are the leader. So often it's important that when you join a group you watch out for this kind of person and instead gravitate to others who enjoy a bouqet of opinions and ideas because they will be more receptive to YOUR personality and right to have your own fun loving identity.