[Have Hope]

It’s supposed to be a mini vacation for me and my husband, and I already knew it would be stressful because we’re visiting his elderly sick parents. And it is stressful. There’s been far too much family drama already and we’ve only been here one day. And my husband and I had a small fight this morning due to the family stress. His mother also just insulted me, and I’m about to cry. I just want the chance to relax and enjoy some time away from all the work stress we both face at home, but it looks like that’s not happening. I can’t seem to escape stress... not for long anyways. It’s very upsetting.

[Have Hope]

When you marry someone, you also marry their family. And I am not happy about marrying into this particular family, I must admit. There's always drama surrounding each family visit. Today, his parents were yelling at each other in our presence, and I didn't like the way his father spoke to his mother. It was rude and unpleasant, and I told my husband we must leave and that I couldn't stand to watch it anymore. And having his mother insult me? That really hurt my feelings.

I've been trying and working so hard to rid myself of toxicity in all ways in my life, and here it is again, in this family. My own family is different than this, and far more peaceful, though of course there are issues there too. Every family has their issues I suppose.

But since it was so stressful today, both my husband and I had to take a Zanax to calm down.

Tomorrow we have to spend most of the day with his parents and brother, and I am not looking forward to it. I AM looking forward to our time alone together though, whatever little we can find in the next two days.

[~Christina]

Well yes we all want to keep drama out of our lives but sometimes it just is what it is and we need to just kinda suck it up and count the days or hours until you can leave...

Of course your husband should be stopping them treating you poorly.. but maybe he is aware how sick they are and could be thinking they wont be around much longer, no it doesnt make it right but hes probably stressing like you are but showing or reacting differently..

I know that you struggle to see a woman being talked to with little to no respect.. You are so awesome here giving people advice to improve there relationships .. If his mom and dad are old and frail .... shes come to terms with how he treats her.... shes not gonna pack up and leave at this late stage.. All your doing is banging your head into a brick wall..

I had a Aunt and Uncle that had no problems arguing in front of others ,,, Ugh Id never have a disagreement with my husband in front of family nor friends .. I literally said okay Im gonna take a walk while you guys sort this out .. Id grab my husbands hand and say we will be back .... and we took a walk ..

Can you and your husband schedule a couple hours here or there,, go out for a coffee or whatever .. Will give you something to look forward too... Like OMG they are driving me crazy .......but X hours ill be able to escape for a bit .. I dunno its almost always worked for me when Im stuck in a situation that I know is going to end ..

[Have Hope]

Aw, hanK you, @Cristina!

All great points and suggestions!

We did have a night together tonight by ourselves, so at least there’s that.And we had fun!

And yes, its' very hard for me to witness a man purring down. woman.

Yes they are very sickly and it’s hard for both me and my husband to watch. He is afraid his father could pass anytime now which makes my husband uneasy and scared for his dad’s health, which I turn, I worry about their heath too.

[~Christina]

Im glad you found some time.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Im glad you found some time.

Yes, me too!

I just noticed all my typos! Hehehehee. I was typing on my phone. Oopsy.

[AzulOscuro]

What Christina says makes many sense. There’s a twister dynamic between the marriage. And as much as you don’t get involved in this issue, the better.
What it was really hard is you being insulted by your mother-in-law. Why in the Earth she just behaved this way? Didn’t she apologise? Is she normally like this with other people?

Thanks god you could both enjoy a time alone and kind of get clean from the bad vibes.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

What Christina says makes many sense. There’s a twister dynamic between the marriage. And as much as you don’t get involved in this issue, the better.
What it was really hard is you being insulted by your mother-in-law. Why in the Earth she just behaved this way? Didn’t she apologise? Is she normally like this with other people?

Thanks god you could both enjoy a time alone and kind of get clean from the bad vibes.

Yes their marriage is rough because they’re both sick. My mother in law has no filter when she speaks. She once told me I look fat and that she liked me better thinner. That hurt.

[Fuzzybear]

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Yes their marriage is rough because they’re both sick. My mother in law has no filter when she speaks. She once told me I look fat and that she liked me better thinner. That hurt.

Of course, it hurts. I do understand you.
I’m also very sensitive to such rude comments and I understand you want to put distance between her and you.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Of course, it hurts. I do understand you.
I’m also very sensitive to such rude comments and I understand you want to put distance between her and you.

Thank you so much. I’ve let it roll off now but at the time I was really hurt. I’m most sensitive about my body, looks and weight. Ugh.

We’ve spent a good chunk of time on our own which has helped a ton.

[poshgirl]

HaveHope, very glad you've had time alone with your husband.

His behaviour is most likely because they are elderly. It's unfortunate, even if elderly relatives are not suffering from dementia, that they often behave this way. Who knows why they lose their inhibitions or have a skewed view of life. Many say they revert to being childlike.

Family dynamics change because of age or different behaviour, which is often used to excuse their actions. Can empathise with how you felt when your weight was mentioned, that's too personal. My mother constantly criticises me. Her sister and my brother accept the behaviour, putting it down to her poor health and old age. Bearing the brunt, I'm less sympathetic especially when she's having a go at me for their inactions. What's amazing is all the bad things she can remember!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by poshgirl

HaveHope, very glad you've had time alone with your husband.

His behaviour is most likely because they are elderly. It's unfortunate, even if elderly relatives are not suffering from dementia, that they often behave this way. Who knows why they lose their inhibitions or have a skewed view of life. Many say they revert to being childlike.

Family dynamics change because of age or different behaviour, which is often used to excuse their actions. Can empathise with how you felt when your weight was mentioned, that's too personal. My mother constantly criticises me. Her sister and my brother accept the behaviour, putting it down to her poor health and old age. Bearing the brunt, I'm less sympathetic especially when she's having a go at me for their inactions. What's amazing is all the bad things she can remember!

Thanks for your post!

Yes, there old, sick and very cranky. It was heartbreaking and depressing to witness. And the way they spoke to each other- geez! Frayed nerves talking, I’m sure, close living quarters and nothing to do but watch tv inside all day.

It was a harsh, sobering and eye opening experience.

On the plus side, hubby and I had lots of quality time on our own, which was fun and relaxing..

But he was very upset seeing his parents in this state. Very sad for him.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by poshgirl

HaveHope, very glad you've had time alone with your husband.

His behaviour is most likely because they are elderly. It's unfortunate, even if elderly relatives are not suffering from dementia, that they often behave this way. Who knows why they lose their inhibitions or have a skewed view of life. Many say they revert to being childlike.

Family dynamics change because of age or different behaviour, which is often used to excuse their actions. Can empathise with how you felt when your weight was mentioned, that's too personal. My mother constantly criticises me. Her sister and my brother accept the behaviour, putting it down to her poor health and old age. Bearing the brunt, I'm less sympathetic especially when she's having a go at me for their inactions. What's amazing is all the bad things she can remember!

Thank you for bringing out this perspective.

[Sara C]

im sorry about the drama, I hope you feel better. you have a wonderful soul!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Sara C

im sorry about the drama, I hope you feel better. you have a wonderful soul!

Aw, thanks so much!