[rdgrad15]

Has anyone experienced trusting someone in helping you get something done or confiding in something personal, only for them to reveal whatever you confided in them or messed something up? And if it happened, did you accept the responsibility but mentally decide to not trust them again? I know I've had the experience of getting something done, and someone offers to help me or even complete it. Then later on, I find out they either didn't follow through or messed up in a way which would get me in trouble. I would accept responsibility but mentally decide to not allow someone to complete something again so I don't get in trouble. In a similar way, if it is a case where someone, for whatever reason, does go to complete something I was asked to do, usually chores, I will make sure there is no mistakes or that whatever needed done is done.

Same thing for confiding in someone, usually someone I considered a friend, about something. I may tell them something that is bothering me, nothing serious. Nothing like self harm or suicide, never ever. But it would still be something that is bothering me. I would trust that they don't tell anyone, only to find out they told someone who I didn't think needed to know and may have even been lectured because of it. In that instance, I usually decide to not trust them as well, which is way more common. I've never gotten in trouble at work, I wouldn't dare trust my coworkers to complete something for me. Heck no. But in instances outside of work, it has happened. I hate to sound paranoid but I'd rather make sure someone actually follows through with their promise or I do it myself rather than get in trouble.

[Yaowen]

Dear rdgrad15,

These things happened to me too. It is disheartening and aggravating. I found something that helps me though.

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Yaowen

Dear rdgrad15,

These things happened to me too. It is disheartening and aggravating. I found something that helps me though.

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen

I'm glad you found something that helps!

[TishaBuv]

Yes, I have confided in people I thought I could trust who proved untrustworthy. You are right to not fall into their trap yet again by trusting them.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Yes, I have confided in people I thought I could trust who proved untrustworthy. You are right to not fall into their trap yet again by trusting them.

Yep exactly. I agree.

[TishaBuv]

It’s not all people who will betray your confidence, though. You just have to find people who you really can trust.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It’s not all people who will betray your confidence, though. You just have to find people who you really can trust.

Yeah I agree. Sometimes we make mistakes by trusting in the wrong people. We all do it.

[TishaBuv]

I tend to be pretty trusting until someone shows me I can’t. Also, I’m careful to not overly trust, like giving someone my password.

I had a life-long friend who really shocked me by a huge betrayal in telling people something hurtful about me that she knew wasn’t true. Not only did she betray my confidence, but she knowingly lied to trump up malicious gossip against me... this was someone who professed to be my best friend for 40 years!

We’re no longer friends. I feel so violated about it. Moreso because it wasn’t even true and she knew that because I had told her. This was an enemy posing as a friend!

Things have been more peaceful without her. I have two friends, and they are both nice. I spend time with others volunteering for an organization and all those people are nice. You just have to seek out quality people.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I tend to be pretty trusting until someone shows me I can’t. Also, I’m careful to not overly trust, like giving someone my password.

I had a life-long friend who really shocked me by a huge betrayal in telling people something hurtful about me that she knew wasn’t true. Not only did she betray my confidence, but she knowingly lied to trump up malicious gossip against me... this was someone who professed to be my best friend for 40 years!

We’re no longer friends. I feel so violated about it. Moreso because it wasn’t even true and she knew that because I had told her. This was an enemy posing as a friend!

Things have been more peaceful without her. I have two friends, and they are both nice. I spend time with others volunteering for an organization and all those people are nice. You just have to seek out quality people.

Wow I’m so sorry that happened! That always hurts when you get betrayed. I’ve had people I thought were friends turn out to be fake toxic people. I’m glad you found the peace you deserve after getting rid of her. You deserve better.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Has anyone experienced trusting someone in helping you get something done or confiding in something personal, only for them to reveal whatever you confided in them or messed something up? And if it happened, did you accept the responsibility but mentally decide to not trust them again? I know I've had the experience of getting something done, and someone offers to help me or even complete it. Then later on, I find out they either didn't follow through or messed up in a way which would get me in trouble. I would accept responsibility but mentally decide to not allow someone to complete something again so I don't get in trouble. In a similar way, if it is a case where someone, for whatever reason, does go to complete something I was asked to do, usually chores, I will make sure there is no mistakes or that whatever needed done is done.

Same thing for confiding in someone, usually someone I considered a friend, about something. I may tell them something that is bothering me, nothing serious. Nothing like self harm or suicide, never ever. But it would still be something that is bothering me. I would trust that they don't tell anyone, only to find out they told someone who I didn't think needed to know and may have even been lectured because of it. In that instance, I usually decide to not trust them as well, which is way more common. I've never gotten in trouble at work, I wouldn't dare trust my coworkers to complete something for me. Heck no. But in instances outside of work, it has happened. I hate to sound paranoid but I'd rather make sure someone actually follows through with their promise or I do it myself rather than get in trouble.

yes it happens to me before. I understand how you feel.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

yes it happens to me before. I understand how you feel.

Yeah it happens.

[Open Eyes]

I think it's part of things we learn as we navigate through our lives. That's like all the people who invested large sums of their money to Berney Madoff. People like Stephen Speilburg and other very wealthy talented and successful people. Many were too ashamed to admit they were one of the many taken advantage of.

I have seen people do dishonest and disengenuous things and watched other people get sucked into their deceptive web. It happens a lot.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I think it's part of things we learn as we navigate through our lives. That's like all the people who invested large sums of their money to Berney Madoff. People like Stephen Speilburg and other very wealthy talented and successful people. Many were too ashamed to admit they were one of the many taken advantage of.

I have seen people do dishonest and disengenuous things and watched other people get sucked into their deceptive web. It happens a lot.

Yep it does. That's why I never allow anyone to help complete anything that I was asked to do, especially if it is when I won't be present since I don't want to get in trouble. And yeah I'm very cautious who I tell personal information to.

[seesaw]

I've definitely trusted a few people in my lifetime with confidences that they couldn't keep. Fortunately I'm at a point in my life where I have gotten fairly good at vetting people. About a year ago I ran into someone who I shared a little more information than I should have with, only to realize they weren't very trustworthy but fortunately I wasn't very close with them and not much damage was done.

As you get older you get better at seeing people for who they are faster.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I've definitely trusted a few people in my lifetime with confidences that they couldn't keep. Fortunately I'm at a point in my life where I have gotten fairly good at vetting people. About a year ago I ran into someone who I shared a little more information than I should have with, only to realize they weren't very trustworthy but fortunately I wasn't very close with them and not much damage was done.

As you get older you get better at seeing people for who they are faster.

Yep totally agree. It becomes easier to see if someone is trustworthy. There are some people I’ve met that the first time I met them, I already got a tingly suspicion that they were up to no good. I feel that way with one of my coworkers. From the very beginning to now, I always get this suspicion that she is untrustworthy due to how quickly she can turn on someone and relentlessly talk trash about someone to make herself appear more superior and possibly even make herself feel better. Wouldn’t trust her with anything whether it is work related or not.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Yep totally agree. It becomes easier to see if someone is trustworthy. There are some people I’ve met that the first time I met them, I already got a tingly suspicion that they were up to no good. I feel that way with one of my coworkers. From the very beginning to now, I always get this suspicion that she is untrustworthy due to how quickly she can turn on someone and relentlessly talk trash about someone to make herself appear more superior and possibly even make herself feel better. Wouldn’t trust her with anything whether it is work related or not.

Oh no. One of THOSE people. She clearly feels inferior so to make herself feel better she acts like she is superior. But everyone knows what’s going on or if can’t see it right away, eventuality truth comes out and people stir away

Good for you being insightful and mindful who you trust in personal life and at work.

Hugs

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Oh no. One of THOSE people. She clearly feels inferior so to make herself feel better she acts like she is superior. But everyone knows what’s going on or if can’t see it right away, eventuality truth comes out and people stir away

Good for you being insightful and mindful who you trust in personal life and at work.

Hugs

Thank you and same to you!

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Yep totally agree. It becomes easier to see if someone is trustworthy. There are some people I’ve met that the first time I met them, I already got a tingly suspicion that they were up to no good. I feel that way with one of my coworkers. From the very beginning to now, I always get this suspicion that she is untrustworthy due to how quickly she can turn on someone and relentlessly talk trash about someone to make herself appear more superior and possibly even make herself feel better. Wouldn’t trust her with anything whether it is work related or not.

I did a lot of temp work when I was young. I found it very interesting in that I was like a fly on the wall and was able to observe the different environments and varying behaviors between the people that worked these different places regularly. It was like being a working student actually. Good experience to have when seeing how things are in different work environments. I also remember noticing how the boss often could not write or spell and it amazed me how they managed to attain their position despite that lack of ability.

Years later I would learn about certain challenges when it came to that lack and yet how it was never a true marker for intellectual ability. I grew up during a time when so little was known about these challenges. And unfortunately, individuals with these challenges were encouraged to feel they were stupid and could not achieve like others.

My brother had this math teacher that was a very tall man and could be intimidating to a child. He was so horrible to my older brother, called him an idiot in front of the entire class and told him he was wasting his time at school. Well, my older brother had adhd and dyslexia and he was actually far from being stupid but back then they did not understand that in children so they punished them instead and called them lazy and losers etc.

Ironically, my older brother, despite his challenge with learning ended up staying the course, and even put himself through college despite having to work extra hard at it which is often the case for these kinds of challenges. He ended up graduating with honors and became very successful in the business world making more than 4 times what this math teacher earned.

Sometimes we face challenges with our work collegues and often they are protecting themselves in ways we don't even realize. It doesn't mean they are evil, or narcissists, but just need to be recognized for their part in the bigger picture. It's possible that you may run into individuals that simply don't want to be blamed for something they did not do. So it may not be so much about you, but how that person may worry about not being respected for what they do contribute. Unfortunately, people can be labelled stupid when in fact they actually do have abilities and intelligence that deserve respect.

My older brother stayed back two years in grammar school, He did have a hard time, more due to his being misunderstood. Many witnessed how badly he was treated over the years. And when he did graduate high school EVERYONE of his piers stood up and gave him a standing ovation.

All these years later while recalling our past while facing the last years of our parent's lives, he said to me "I did not feel I had many friends in High School", yet I know what I saw that day when they called his name and he walked up to get his diploma. It was quite an experience to see that standing ovation he got and it WAS genuine.

[Open Eyes]

Ugh, got interupted. just wanted to finish about my brother. I did not know he had held onto how mean that teacher was to him. And he told me that once he got out in the business world and was so very successful, he did copy his earnings and sent it to that teacher and said, "how is that math for ya?".

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I did a lot of temp work when I was young. I found it very interesting in that I was like a fly on the wall and was able to observe the different environments and varying behaviors between the people that worked these different places regularly. It was like being a working student actually. Good experience to have when seeing how things are in different work environments. I also remember noticing how the boss often could not write or spell and it amazed me how they managed to attain their position despite that lack of ability.

Years later I would learn about certain challenges when it came to that lack and yet how it was never a true marker for intellectual ability. I grew up during a time when so little was known about these challenges. And unfortunately, individuals with these challenges were encouraged to feel they were stupid and could not achieve like others.

My brother had this math teacher that was a very tall man and could be intimidating to a child. He was so horrible to my older brother, called him an idiot in front of the entire class and told him he was wasting his time at school. Well, my older brother had adhd and dyslexia and he was actually far from being stupid but back then they did not understand that in children so they punished them instead and called them lazy and losers etc.

Ironically, my older brother, despite his challenge with learning ended up staying the course, and even put himself through college despite having to work extra hard at it which is often the case for these kinds of challenges. He ended up graduating with honors and became very successful in the business world making more than 4 times what this math teacher earned.

Sometimes we face challenges with our work collegues and often they are protecting themselves in ways we don't even realize. It doesn't mean they are evil, or narcissists, but just need to be recognized for their part in the bigger picture. It's possible that you may run into individuals that simply don't want to be blamed for something they did not do. So it may not be so much about you, but how that person may worry about not being respected for what they do contribute. Unfortunately, people can be labelled stupid when in fact they actually do have abilities and intelligence that deserve respect.

My older brother stayed back two years in grammar school, He did have a hard time, more due to his being misunderstood. Many witnessed how badly he was treated over the years. And when he did graduate high school EVERYONE of his piers stood up and gave him a standing ovation.

All these years later while recalling our past while facing the last years of our parent's lives, he said to me "I did not feel I had many friends in High School", yet I know what I saw that day when they called his name and he walked up to get his diploma. It was quite an experience to see that standing ovation he got and it WAS genuine.

Yeah I agree and that's a great story. I'm glad you shared. Teachers, and even other people, can be very harsh on kids especially if they have some sort of hidden disability like ADHD or anything else. People assume they are lazy, which in a way, they can be but not all the time. My friend has ADHD and she is super lazy, probably the laziest person I know and she admits it. Unfortunately, there is something about the disorder that causes those with it to not be as motivated. But I'm glad your brother got through it.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Ugh, got interupted. just wanted to finish about my brother. I did not know he had held onto how mean that teacher was to him. And he told me that once he got out in the business world and was so very successful, he did copy his earnings and sent it to that teacher and said, "how is that math for ya?".

That's nice. Yeah there are some teachers I knew in the past that I wish I could show them how much more successful I am than they assumed I would be. I don't mean to sound arrogant or want to show off, but at the time time I would love for them to realize that they were wrong and they had no right to act the way they did.

[Open Eyes]

No, you don't sound arrogant at all. Yet, I do find it troubling how some teachers assess intelligence and can force their assessment on individuals when they are not really qualified to do so. And sometimes, what it can boil down to is how that teacher isn't a very good teacher too, could be they may simply be too black and white and fail to recognize the very important grays. And this particular teacher ONLY focused on the behavior and never THE IMPORTANT WHY. What I witnessed my older brother experience would be considered child abuse today.

Yet, it's not just teachers but often all different kinds of adult authority figures that can contribute to condeming when it's simply not deserved.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

No, you don't sound arrogant at all. Yet, I do find it troubling how some teachers assess intelligence and can force their assessment on individuals when they are not really qualified to do so. And sometimes, what it can boil down to is how that teacher isn't a very good teacher too, could be they may simply be too black and white and fail to recognize the very important grays. And this particular teacher ONLY focused on the behavior and never THE IMPORTANT WHY. What I witnessed my older brother experience would be considered child abuse today.

Yep I totally agree. I once had a teacher in elementary/middle school threaten to send me to the principal's office just because I was not understanding math. Yeah some teachers are just not very good.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Yep I totally agree. I once had a teacher in elementary/middle school threaten to send me to the principal's office just because I was not understanding math. Yeah some teachers are just not very good.

Principal’s office! For not understanding math????Maybe he/she wasn’t explaining it right. I bet that’s the reason.

I had a teacher complaining to my parents that I was “arrogant”. The reason was that I corrected him when he was wrong. He would make a very obvious mistake and I’d not hesitate to correct him. It should be encouraged to correct if teacher made a mistake, no one is perfect and it’s excellent if students can see a mistake, but oh no not with that guy.

So he’d call my parents to complain several times, they just rolled their eyes at him. They thought I was in the right. When he got no support from them, he called my grandma. Can you believe it? Oh you had to know my grandma. She wasn’t the one to take BS either. So he got nowhere. That dude was something else. I am still friends with several of my classmates and he forever went down in history. He was so asinine

Principal office my *****. I was kicked out for laughing several times. I still tend to laugh a lot, it’s just how I am. Maybe they thought I was laughing at them. Oh memories memories

[Open Eyes]

It's nice to be able to have a sense of humor, but back when my brother and I experienced this crap, he would get home and get dragged in a shed and hit with a belt and told if he cried he would only get hit harder.

Like I mentioned, now that would all be considered child abuse.

I have a strong feeling that many in my generation began to pay attention to the affects of this kind of abuse and decided to ask important "whys". That helped when it came to addressing challenges in my daughter's generation.

Oh the memories can be very cruel and can last a lifetime for some.

What impresses me about my older brother is that he did not take drugs or use drugs or alcohol, he made it all on his own and paid for his own education and everything.