[Phil2005]

Pls help. I am currently being accused of 'drugging' my partner by my father in law via her drinks /food.

Some background (Not directly related)
My wife has been battling with weight management disorders since her childhood (she is now 40).she also started using high dosages of caffeine pills (supernova thermogenic fat burner pills 550mg).
She also used Alzam (1mg) - sometimes popping 3 daily) as well as various other over the counter pain medication.

Some Pertinent Background:
In January 2016, we both started using methamphetamine recreationally on and off over the past 5 years after she introduced the drug to me. we took the drugs together. We both have previously never touched any illicit drugs.

Like most couples that use drugs, this obviously had a negative impact on our relationship.

My father in law found out about our drug use a few months back after we both came clean during one of our arguments.

We live a few miles away from my father in law and recently whenever my wife is unwell, she would be taken away from my kids and I by her father where she was denied any contact with me whatsoever for any period between 2 weeks and 6 weeks. This practice is still continuing this present moment as she was taken away by her dad a day before lockdown.

She became quite ill around 3 weeks back, her dad immediately took her for a urine drug test which showed up as positive for:
Amphetamines at an alarmingly high concentration level of 17600 ug/ml. The test also indicated an abnormally high concentration of Opiates >8000ng/ml.

I certainly did not spike my wife with any drugs in any way or form and we live with our 2 very young daughters who can be ruled out.
So the 'logic' her father is following is that I am the only remaining logical suspect and he is adamant that my wife has not consumed any drugs of her own accord.

Father in laws conclusion therefore is that since my wife only tests positive for drugs when she is living with me and our kids and not with himq - that I am guilty of drugging my wife. She is perfectly fine when living under his roof. (Although no tests were conducted whilst she lived with him).

He is also adamant that my wife is not an addict as: she 'has no cravings', can account for all money at her disposal, did not steal his car and run off to purchase drugs etc.

Based on his flawed investigation, he considers me a serious threat to his daughters health and safety and as such, he has enough grounds to consider breaking up our 20 year marriage.

I would really appreciate it if anybody with similar experiences or any professional psychologists/therapists etc can offer some advise /guide me on how to prove my innocence in this aeged drugging of my wife.

I'm still in shock at the allegations against me and at this moment my judgement is clouded.
Please accept my apology for my incoherent and lengthy post.

Ps I still love my wife very much and would never do harm to her with intent and want to save my marriage.

[seesaw]

Why is he being allowed to take your wife anywhere? If you are married, in the US at least, you are the immediate next of kin who would make medical decisions, not him.

I doubt she is perfectly fine while living under his roof. She's likely using because he's controlling her, IMO.

Why do you need to prove your innocence? What does your wife say? It's not like you're in a court of law with him. He can accuse you all he wants, it doesn't matter. Are you still using drugs? The only thing I can think to say is that you and your wife both need to see a mental health professional, separately and together, and she likely needs to go to rehab. Going to daddy's house for a week and getting clean while he watches her every move is NOT rehab. And it's likely making her drug use worse, not better.

If you want to save your marriage, get her into rehab and get professional help for both of you. I'm sorry I can't offer other advice that's more specific but these are really issues that need to be dealt with by professionals.

I hope this helps.

[bpcyclist]

I think you are missing the much, much bigger issues here.


1) You will both lose custody of your children the moment someone in an official capacity learns of this drug use. All it takes a 5-minute phone call.

2) You relationship will not survive in any meaningful way if you don't get into recovery.

3) No idea what the laws are in South Africa, but you/she are breaking some. Here, people go to prison for that kind of stuff.

4) Opiate overdose is an extremely common cause of death worldwide.

Get into recovery. Think about those children.

[divine1966]

I’d not worry about the father. Not sure why he takes her away but I suspect he is trying to get her off drugs. Clearly it’s not working. I don’t really understand how two of you still have custody of your children when you two are actively doing drugs.

Her father doesn’t have power to get you two divorced. It doesn’t matter what he says but he has power to report you two to authorities for drug use with young children at home.

I recommend rehab for both of you, see a doctor, therapist etc to get clean.

[AceRimmer]

I would try to get a recording of your wife admitting to taking drugs in case someone makes a bogus report to the cops. She needs to be in rehab, but I advise you to be very careful. I've known lots of people who did drugs and they are unpredictable and unreliable. I would never be in a relationship with someone who did drugs.

[sarahsweets]

When you say "take her away" what do you mean? Do you mean he kidnapped her against her will? What does she say? Is she tied up at his house or able to roam freely? Has she told you she is being held there or wants to leave?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by AceRimmer

I would try to get a recording of your wife admitting to taking drugs in case someone makes a bogus report to the cops. She needs to be in rehab, but I advise you to be very careful. I've known lots of people who did drugs and they are unpredictable and unreliable. I would never be in a relationship with someone who did drugs.

They are both doing meth so he might not see it dangerous to be with an addict because they both do it

[MsLady]

Is it possible she's suicidal and took large doses?

[AceRimmer]

Originally Posted by divine1966

They are both doing meth so he might not see it dangerous to be with an addict because they both do it

It's less safe for him because he's a man and men are going to get blamed more often because statistically they commit more crimes than women.

[Phil2005]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

When you say "take her away" what do you mean? Do you mean he kidnapped her against her will? What does she say? Is she tied up at his house or able to roam freely? Has she told you she is being held there or wants to leave?

He took her away when he discovered she was unwell. She claims to have zero recollection of voluntarily taking the drugs which had caused her current condition. She cannot move about freely. Yesterday was our kids birthday and she was 'escorted' by her dad to briefly visit our children (20 minutes) whilst he waited impatiently for her.
She mentioned to me yesterday that she clearly has no recollection of taking the drugs that were found in her system. She has not come out and directly accused me of drugging her.

She also said that she wants to come back home to me and the kids however, she has fears that she might be drugged again. She said her dad fears for her safety as well.

My wife is and has been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist actively since October 2019 - where she is seeking help for depression, anxiety, and general relationship issues. She and her dad both claim that these therapists both say she is certainly NOT a drug addict.

Ps I have been clean for 3 months exactly and have absolutely no urges or suffered from any of the side effects for which I'm extremely grateful for.

[Phil2005]

Originally Posted by MsLady

Is it possible she's suicidal and took large doses?

She has previously been suicidal but in this instant I believe that it was certainly more a case of taking larger dosages in order to obtain the previously experienced high rather than willingly trying to self harm.
As a side note, we have never smoked meth but ingested orally...not sure whether this would make any difference.

[IceCreamKid]

Because you have asked for help, I'll break it down.

1. Get your own drug addiction under control. You have minor children living with you and they deserve sober parents. Before you start any "yeah...but.. arguments, get your own drug addiction under control. Your minor children deserve sober parents.
2. Decide what you want for your life and proceed from there. I think what you should want is a) a sober wife, and b) failing that, a divorce. Does that seem harsh? Living a hellish half-life with someone so confused she is having an unhealthy life with her daddy over choosing to be a sober wife and mother puts divorce as an excellent option in this situation.
3. Tell Daddy to shove his slanderous comments where the sun doesn't shine; that his over-involvement in his supposedly grown daughter's life isn't welcome; that he and his massive denial likely have contributed to the problem, depriving his grandchildren of a sober mother; but that you do not want your wife back until she is sober. Then having stood up for yourself, hang up the phone, shut the door, or walk away from the guy.
4. Tell your wife the same thing you told Daddy.
5. You cannot save a marriage that is not a marriage. If you are confused about what a healthy marriage should be, can be, you can seek out counseling to help you figure that out.
I say all this with the utmost sincerity and with the health of all of your family at heart. I also understand these steps can be difficult. But the reward will be lifelong and you and your children and your wife deserve to life healthy lives.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Phil2005

Pls help. I am currently being accused of 'drugging' my partner by my father in law via her drinks /food.

Some background (Not directly related)
My wife has been battling with weight management disorders since her childhood (she is now 40).she also started using high dosages of caffeine pills (supernova thermogenic fat burner pills 550mg).
She also used Alzam (1mg) - sometimes popping 3 daily) as well as various other over the counter pain medication.

Some Pertinent Background:
In January 2016, we both started using methamphetamine recreationally on and off over the past 5 years after she introduced the drug to me. we took the drugs together. We both have previously never touched any illicit drugs.

Like most couples that use drugs, this obviously had a negative impact on our relationship.

My father in law found out about our drug use a few months back after we both came clean during one of our arguments.

We live a few miles away from my father in law and recently whenever my wife is unwell, she would be taken away from my kids and I by her father where she was denied any contact with me whatsoever for any period between 2 weeks and 6 weeks. This practice is still continuing this present moment as she was taken away by her dad a day before lockdown.

She became quite ill around 3 weeks back, her dad immediately took her for a urine drug test which showed up as positive for:
Amphetamines at an alarmingly high concentration level of 17600 ug/ml. The test also indicated an abnormally high concentration of Opiates >8000ng/ml.

I certainly did not spike my wife with any drugs in any way or form and we live with our 2 very young daughters who can be ruled out.
So the 'logic' her father is following is that I am the only remaining logical suspect and he is adamant that my wife has not consumed any drugs of her own accord.

Father in laws conclusion therefore is that since my wife only tests positive for drugs when she is living with me and our kids and not with himq - that I am guilty of drugging my wife. She is perfectly fine when living under his roof. (Although no tests were conducted whilst she lived with him).

He is also adamant that my wife is not an addict as: she 'has no cravings', can account for all money at her disposal, did not steal his car and run off to purchase drugs etc.

Based on his flawed investigation, he considers me a serious threat to his daughters health and safety and as such, he has enough grounds to consider breaking up our 20 year marriage.

I would really appreciate it if anybody with similar experiences or any professional psychologists/therapists etc can offer some advise /guide me on how to prove my innocence in this aeged drugging of my wife.

I'm still in shock at the allegations against me and at this moment my judgement is clouded.
Please accept my apology for my incoherent and lengthy post.

Ps I still love my wife very much and would never do harm to her with intent and want to save my marriage.

Can you do an out patient drug rehab and get sober then report your wife for a drug problem? Is there any evidence you can gather against your wife and father in law?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Phil2005

He took her away when he discovered she was unwell. She claims to have zero recollection of voluntarily taking the drugs which had caused her current condition. She cannot move about freely. Yesterday was our kids birthday and she was 'escorted' by her dad to briefly visit our children (20 minutes) whilst he waited impatiently for her.
She mentioned to me yesterday that she clearly has no recollection of taking the drugs that were found in her system. She has not come out and directly accused me of drugging her.

She also said that she wants to come back home to me and the kids however, she has fears that she might be drugged again. She said her dad fears for her safety as well.

My wife is and has been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist actively since October 2019 - where she is seeking help for depression, anxiety, and general relationship issues. She and her dad both claim that these therapists both say she is certainly NOT a drug addict.

Ps I have been clean for 3 months exactly and have absolutely no urges or suffered from any of the side effects for which I'm extremely grateful for.

Have you thought about calling the police and reporting her being kidnapped by her father and explaining to the police he is drugging his daughter?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

Have you thought about calling the police and reporting her being kidnapped by her father and explaining to the police he is drugging his daughter?

Why do say that the father drugging her when OP clearly stated that she does drugs in her own home where she resides with OP?

I agree that he should call the police but it would also alert law enforcement that both OP and his wife do drugs in the house with young children living there