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Member Since Aug 2020
Location: Connecticut
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#1
A few years back, my friend's 20 something son died of a prescription drug overdose. He lived in her home and had passed in his bed and was found perhaps 24 hours later.
I told her that my boyfriend said "how could she have not known?",(I should not have), later he did change his mind and realized that his 20 something is disabled and he always knows where he is and what he is doing. Well, she had never met him but she hated him for that. She will never let me mention his name or even talk about anything that involves him. He is a good person and that has been difficult. The subject comes up occasionally. She says......... Like I've said before, I believe once someone has said something out loud, it's out there..no taking it back with an I'm sorry.. it wasn't an honest mistake... it was meant to be said and in their head and heart.. A grieving parent does not need to hear in any circumstance any sort of comment that hurts... we are dealing with enough already.. I hold a grudge.. I don't like your bf for just what he said. That's my prerogative.. I do not care how wonderful,etc you think he is. I still wish I could get her to see how crazy this grudge is. Last edited by bluekoi; Aug 18, 2020 at 12:11 AM.. Reason: Add trigger icon. |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01, Skeezyks
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#2
Hello Kristifi: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.
Thanks for sharing this situation. I don't think there is much of anything I can offer with regard to it except perhaps to quote something that has been written by the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön: "Criticism without compassion can be just mean." I hope you find PC to be of benefit. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#3
Sorry but this woman will probably never forget this remark and to her it's not silly. It's horrific to lose one's child at any age and often the thought or feeling of guilt is already there. So to have anyone add to that is never going to be forgotten.
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#4
Well your boyfriend said it to you, not to her.
People make all kind of comments to their significant others, it’s not meant to be repeated to people that were discussed. What was the reason you repeated it to her? Personally I’d be upset with my friend for repeating hurtful things rather than being upset with a boyfriend whom she doesn’t know and who just said things in privacy of his own home with no plans for it to be repeated Like if I saId to my husband I think our neighbor is nuts and he’d go to the neighbor and said my wife thinks you are nuts (hypothetical example). Why repeat such things? |
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unaluna
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#5
This grudge isn't crazy, she is grieving. Not to mention the guilt etc. she must be feeling.
I agree with her, there was really no need to repeat what your bf said to her. Last edited by CANDC; Aug 18, 2020 at 08:51 PM.. Reason: Administrative edit to bring within guidelines |
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Buffy01
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Buffy01, divine1966, Open Eyes
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#6
I would be devastated if this was repeated to me no matter who said it.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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divine1966
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#7
Thank you for your responses.
At the time when I repeated it, it did not seem like a big deal at all. Last edited by CANDC; Aug 18, 2020 at 08:51 PM.. Reason: Administrative edit to bring within guidelines |
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#8
Thread reopened
__________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" Last edited by CANDC; Aug 18, 2020 at 12:24 PM.. Reason: Thread reopened |
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New Member
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#9
CANDC,
I am sorry, I have no idea what that means. |
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#10
__________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Wise Elder
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#11
Quote:
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Wise Elder
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#12
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#13
Your BF words were probably what she was already feeling guilty about from the beginning. Sometimes people can't handle their guilty FEELINGS put into ACTUAL WORDS.
Especially in situations like this where she may have felt she could have saved her son if she had noticed & gotten him to the hospital when it happened.....or even some people feel guilty because someone they loved died alone. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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