[rdgrad15]

I'm sure everyone at some point has acted like they were completely oblivious about something to prevent someone from feeling creeped out or even getting angry. I know I have. Usually it may be something that I believe is common sense or easy to know or understand, but someone else may find it creepy that you know something that they don't. Or in a similar way, pretending not to notice something that could embarrass someone else due to a possibility that the person may get angry if you politely make them aware of something to prevent them from embarrassing themselves in public, even if you tell them privately.

I know I've had someone get mad at me if I politely let them know something embarrassing, even when I did it privately. And the person would also get mad at anyone else who would try to do the same thing, especially if it was something inappropriate. That is a tricky one. What are some cases where you pretended to not notice something embarrassing or acted like you didn't know something just to save face and prevent someone from being embarrassed or creeped out? Have you gotten yelled at or had someone think you were creepy that you knew something that they didn't? Just wondered what you all thought and wondered what experiences you all had.

[ARaven0137]

I have had more than a few of those situations. I work in a job where insecurity can run rampant and, for some reason, it's encouraged by the higher ups. My guess is that those kinds of people are easier to control. One big example that I had was where a former friend began to get increasingly defensive when I offered suggestions about things. Long story, short, I was warned about her behavior from many people prior to her transfer to my area. I told her I had heard things, but she started with a clean slate with me and I took her under my wing for a year to teach her the job. After the year, she began to display some paranoia that I was out to get her and decided to beat me to the punch. I began discovering daggers in my back and wondered what was going on. She sluffed off a project for 11 months with a 12 month deadline and I completed it while she took a month vacation. She lost her mind when she got back, accusing me of "stealing her work." It all went downhill from there. Even benign suggestions on my part were met with extreme defensiveness and accusations. Finally, our idiot boss assigned us the same project. I forged ahead and my former friend laid into me, again accusing me of stealing her work.

From that point on, I withheld any opinion, suggestion or shred of advice, watching her fail repeatedly with a smile on my face. Oh, you didn't know that you needed the such and such form to submit? Darn. You didn't complete this part of the project because you were playing kissy face with the boss? I saw it, but I didn't want to bother you.

At least I got to watch her implode and blame everyone else.

[divine1966]

We have someone like that at work. She is constantly suspicious why people tell her things, and she acts out when she is corrected. But if we just let her be and don’t say anything, she messes up and gets in trouble, she then asks us why we didn’t tell her. No one likes to work with her. She is a total mess. It’s totally insecurity on these people part. They usually know they are inadequate and are out of their depth with their job tasks and if their mistakes are pointed out, they go ballistic.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by ARaven0137

I have had more than a few of those situations. I work in a job where insecurity can run rampant and, for some reason, it's encouraged by the higher ups. My guess is that those kinds of people are easier to control. One big example that I had was where a former friend began to get increasingly defensive when I offered suggestions about things. Long story, short, I was warned about her behavior from many people prior to her transfer to my area. I told her I had heard things, but she started with a clean slate with me and I took her under my wing for a year to teach her the job. After the year, she began to display some paranoia that I was out to get her and decided to beat me to the punch. I began discovering daggers in my back and wondered what was going on. She sluffed off a project for 11 months with a 12 month deadline and I completed it while she took a month vacation. She lost her mind when she got back, accusing me of "stealing her work." It all went downhill from there. Even benign suggestions on my part were met with extreme defensiveness and accusations. Finally, our idiot boss assigned us the same project. I forged ahead and my former friend laid into me, again accusing me of stealing her work.

From that point on, I withheld any opinion, suggestion or shred of advice, watching her fail repeatedly with a smile on my face. Oh, you didn't know that you needed the such and such form to submit? Darn. You didn't complete this part of the project because you were playing kissy face with the boss? I saw it, but I didn't want to bother you.

At least I got to watch her implode and blame everyone else.

Wow, she must have been burned or something to become so paranoid. No excuse for her behavior regardless of the reason. I’m sorry you went through that and glad things worked out better for you.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by divine1966

We have someone like that at work. She is constantly suspicious why people tell her things, and she acts out when she is corrected. But if we just let her be and don’t say anything, she messes up and gets in trouble, she then asks us why we didn’t tell her. No one likes to work with her. She is a total mess. It’s totally insecurity on these people part. They usually know they are inadequate and are out of their depth with their job tasks and if their mistakes are pointed out, they go ballistic.

Yep I agree. These kinds of people are insecure.

[MsLady]

I've never been accused of being "creepy" but I have been accused of being a "know-it-all" by a specific colleague. She once admitted she was insecure with her role and was tired of the "higher-ups" using me as an example to "guide" her with. I really wished they didn't because it really damaged our working relationship to the point she started sabotaging my relationships with others.

I am very detailed oriented and have a particular style that works really well for me.. and mainly to avoid forgetting things. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and am very organized. I've also been doing my job for nearly 20 years so I have a lot of hindsight and experience in my field.

Anyway, our team often collaborates ideas with each other and when it comes to creative output, I'm all there with suggestions. I'm also grateful to receive because I'm always looking to "fine-tune" my craft.. so it works both ways. With this particular person though, it was too much.

At the end of it (she recently retired) I just kept my ideas to myself. If I noticed any oversight or errors, I kept my mouth shut. If she'd ask for my opinion, I'd target the positives. I really liked her and was hurt by her behaviours (gossips, mainly) but I knew I wasn't responsible for her own insecurities so I just had to let it go. I'm glad she's no longer there.

I'm not sure if this really answers your question, though.. ?

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I've never been accused of being "creepy" but I have been accused of being a "know-it-all" by a specific colleague. She once admitted she was insecure with her role and was tired of the "higher-ups" using me as an example to "guide" her with. I really wished they didn't because it really damaged our working relationship to the point she started sabotaging my relationships with others.

I am very detailed oriented and have a particular style that works really well for me.. and mainly to avoid forgetting things. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and am very organized. I've also been doing my job for nearly 20 years so I have a lot of hindsight and experience in my field.

Anyway, our team often collaborates ideas with each other and when it comes to creative output, I'm all there with suggestions. I'm also grateful to receive because I'm always looking to "fine-tune" my craft.. so it works both ways. With this particular person though, it was too much.

At the end of it (she recently retired) I just kept my ideas to myself. If I noticed any oversight or errors, I kept my mouth shut. If she'd ask for my opinion, I'd target the positives. I really liked her and was hurt by her behaviours (gossips, mainly) but I knew I wasn't responsible for her own insecurities so I just had to let it go. I'm glad she's no longer there.

I'm not sure if this really answers your question, though.. ?

Oh wow, I'm sorry you had to go through that. At least she admitted to being insecure and it definitely showed. She felt threatened by the fact that you had more experience. There's a difference between having lots of experience and being willing to share them verses being arrogant. You are definitely not arrogant. You sound like the kind of employee any employer would love to have. And yeah that is a good example you used that goes with the question.

[TishaBuv]

I was just remembering this, and this thread reminded me.

Several years ago I was in a little play at my synagogue. I had a lead role.

The cantor was the director. I have had a lot of performing arts experience. She had none. She was very haughty in her directing style. She was quite clueless in her choices. But I went along with it for fear of her wrath.

But, toward the end of the rehearsals, I couldn’t take it anymore. What she was doing was so wrong.

So, I started sending her private emails, ever so gently suggesting how the blocking is supposed to go. She would do what I said every following rehearsal, all the while acting like she was the grand director. I kept my mouth shut. After all, “The play’s the thing”.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I was just remembering this, and this thread reminded me.

Several years ago I was in a little play at my synagogue. I had a lead role.

The cantor was the director. I have had a lot of performing arts experience. She had none. She was very haughty in her directing style. She was quite clueless in her choices. But I went along with it for fear of her wrath.

But, toward the end of the rehearsals, I couldn’t take it anymore. What she was doing was so wrong.

So, I started sending her private emails, ever so gently suggesting how the blocking is supposed to go. She would do what I said every following rehearsal, all the while acting like she was the grand director. I kept my mouth shut. After all, “The play’s the thing”.

Oh wow, sounds like she wasn’t really fit for the job. Glad you were able to help her out.

[divine1966]

The person I mentioned just emailed me asking what days and times are our two virtual staff meetings. They are same days same times every week. Just saying

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

She felt threatened by the fact that you had more experience. There's a difference between having lots of experience and being willing to share them verses being arrogant.

I think that was the problem .. she had more experience in the field than I did and was much older than me. We both had different life experiences though and it was mine that led me to have unique perspectives I used within my job. I won't go into the details of that.

Thanks for your response and for opening this post.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by divine1966

The person I mentioned just emailed me asking what days and times are our two virtual staff meetings. They are same days same times every week. Just saying

Oh wow that's odd.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I think that was the problem .. she had more experience in the field than I did and was much older than me. We both had different life experiences though and it was mine that led me to have unique perspectives I used within my job. I won't go into the details of that.

Thanks for your response and for opening this post.

Oh I didn't realize she had more experience. Either way though, like you mentioned, we all have our own experiences so no matter who someone is or how old they are, everyone may know something a little better than someone else. I think that is part of my coworkers problem as well. I'm way younger than them. They are all old enough to be my parents, and a couple of them, even grandparents. So I'm sure it bothers them when they see that I knew something or caught on to something before they did. And you're welcome, glad I can help.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Oh wow, sounds like she wasn’t really fit for the job. Glad you were able to help her out.

She never said anything to me about my emails. She never even gave me a wink to say thank you. I just wanted the show to be good, and it was.

In the situation where it’s a professional job and someone is taking advantage or trying to steal your credit, I get how it is a very different story.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

She never said anything to me about my emails. She never even gave me a wink to say thank you. I just wanted the show to be good, and it was.

In the situation where it’s a professional job and someone is taking advantage or trying to steal your credit, I get how it is a very different story.

Yeah I agree.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Oh wow that's odd.

Disorganized. I don’t think it’s odd per se, people with poor organization skills can’t keep themselves and their schedules together. Yet I bet if we reminded her, she’d be mad we did but if we didn’t, and she didn’t attend then she’d blame us for not reminding her. Piece of work

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Disorganized. I don’t think it’s odd per se, people with poor organization skills can’t keep themselves and their schedules together. Yet I bet if we reminded her, she’d be mad we did but if we didn’t, and she didn’t attend then she’d blame us for not reminding her. Piece of work

Yeah sure sounds like a piece of work.