Does that happen to everyone? I never kept a friend for more than 2 or 3 years. I kept having to make new friends to replace the ones that walked out. Then one day, I decided it isn't worth it, so now I have no friends.

Even in an acquaintance or coworker relationship, some people haven't liked me for more than 2 years. Those that still do hadn't worked with me that long before they left the workplace.

Why do people stop liking whoever they used to like?

[Bill3]

Do you ever stop liking someone? If you do, you could take a look at why.

Do you know why those people decided to walk out?

There have been times where I stopped communicating with someone, or vice versa. On my end it wasn't usually that I was mad at the person or something bad happened. Most of the time, somehow I just stopped wanting to pick up the phone, or write the email, as compared to someone else I could contact at that time, something else I could do.

Yes but sometimes people I see regularly stop liking me. I only stop liking people if they piss me off. Other people stop liking someone for no reason.

[Bill3]

Could it be that you have somehow pissed them off?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Yes but sometimes people I see regularly stop liking me. I only stop liking people if they piss me off. Other people stop liking someone for no reason.

There possibly is a reason. If you go back in your memory and think of chain of events, do you see anything that might have upset them?

If I didn't stalk or obsess over that person, then there is no reason that they changed.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

If I didn't stalk or obsess over that person, then there is no reason that they changed.

So if it happens every time with every person, there might be something in your interaction with people that makes them not want to continue. Its possible some of these challenges connecting to others could be due to your ASD. have you discussed it with your therapist?

Originally Posted by divine1966

So if it happens every time with every person, there might be something in your interaction with people that makes them not want to continue. Its possible some of these challenges connecting to others could be due to your ASD. have you discussed it with your therapist?

It doesn't happen every time with every person. If I didn't obsess over these people, it only happened handful of times. And whenever it happens, I wonder why.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

It doesn't happen every time with every person. If I didn't obsess over these people, it only happened handful of times. And whenever it happens, I wonder why.

Ok what kind of friendship was it? Colleagues? Classmates? How did the friendship develop?

[winter4me]

Have you ever asked any of these people/friends what happened?

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Does that happen to everyone? I never kept a friend for more than 2 or 3 years. I kept having to make new friends to replace the ones that walked out. Then one day, I decided it isn't worth it, so now I have no friends.

Even in an acquaintance or coworker relationship, some people haven't liked me for more than 2 years. Those that still do hadn't worked with me that long before they left the workplace.

Why do people stop liking whoever they used to like?

I feel for your suffering over this matter, Ruby. As much as I understand some things about people, in other ways they are a complete mystery. I find animals -- such as cats and dogs -- much more consistent in their interactions with me and have had much more enduring relationships with them than with most people. If you do not or cannot have a pet, but would like to interact with animals, perhaps you can visit your local animal shelters.

Some of my friends have died. Others have moved away. I still consider them friends and I try to keep in touch with the ones who have moved away. I try to stay consistently friendly to the people I want as friends, and I watch to see who responds appropriately.

What do I mean by appropriately? I mean who responds in a way that indicates a good friendship might develop. Let me give you some examples. One woman ended up treating me horribly, using me as her dumping ground for all of her angry jealous hatred, insulting and attacking me. I felt bad she had such misery in her soul, but I couldn't be her punching bag, so I stopped interacting with her.

Another revealed an unhealthy interest in me that also included a tendency to insult and abuse me over things such as my race. I can't change my color, so I stopped interacting with her.

Another, even though she has moved far away, still sends me cards, photos through email, and texts with me. When she comes back to town we will get together. She has remained consistently kind and thoughtful. (I have met her family; they are kind, thoughtful people too). Another friend has moved far away, but I still hear from him and we share items of interest via social media. I consider him a son from another mother, and he appreciates that because family is important to him.

You'll notice I don't have many friends. I have a couple more I have not mentioned and then I also have some who I know only through social media.

A therapist once suggested that I find friends outside of work. This gets much more difficult the older you get when most people are married or paired up, working, and busy with their own lives. The easiest way is through a religious organization (church, synagogue, etc) or through some shared volunteer experience (volunteering at an animal shelter, for example) or creative experience (taking art classes or dance lessons, for example). My therapist also suggested I find younger friends (because I am older). I think it is nice to have multi-generational friends. It keeps life interesting.

Some people have moved out of my life. Was it because they stopped liking me? I think for me some people never really liked me much from the start and whatever relationship we had was based on circumstances (we worked together, for example).

Not everyone is going to like me; and not everyone is looking for friends. I think the area where I live is very insular (family and family only) and many others who have moved here from elsewhere are prone to "What can you do for me?" thinking when it comes to human interaction. I'm not wealthy or powerful or well-connected.

I hope you will keep posting threads about friendship and relationships with other people, Ruby. I am finding them very interesting and helpful.

Originally Posted by divine1966

Ok what kind of friendship was it? Colleagues? Classmates? How did the friendship develop?

We just start talking to each other and joking around at work. There was rapport of some sort. Fortunately, most of them stay that way. One or two people change for the worse and that’s enough to make me wonder why.

The situation I described was ones where I never stalked or obsessed over anyone.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

We just start talking to each other and joking around at work. There was rapport of some sort. Fortunately, most of them stay that way. One or two people change for the worse and that’s enough to make me wonder why.

The situation I described was ones where I never stalked or obsessed over anyone.

These are coworkers then. Most of the time it doesn’t develop into a true friendship. People move on.

Originally Posted by divine1966

These are coworkers then. Most of the time it doesnÂ’t develop into a true friendship. People move on.

But this one didnÂ’t used to ignore me and now she does. Everyone else at work still talks to me, even those I worked with for few years. Some people change and others donÂ’t as much.

[Bill3]

Some people change and others don't as much

Yes this is so true.

Often we don't find out why, even when we examine ourselves honestly.

Often we just have to live with it.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

But this one didnÂ’t used to ignore me and now she does. Everyone else at work still talks to me, even those I worked with for few years. Some people change and others donÂ’t as much.

Everyone is different

This person started at the store the same time I did a couple years ago. I used to get along with her up until a few months ago. Around December of last year, a common theme of what she said about me to a few people was that I ignore her because I didn’t like her. Like when she says something to me and I appeared to tune her out. Or when she calls my name several times and I don’t answer. It’s really that I was doing something else at work and couldn’t also attend to what she’s saying.

When I’m doing something else, I either couldn’t process what people are saying to me or I couldn’t hear them at all. Sometimes I don’t even know they’re talking to me. So when she told me I ignored her, I told her I didn’t hear her and she wouldn’t believe me just bc she had called my name 5 times.

My supervisor said that happened multiple times that I ignored her. He said maybe I don’t listen to her because I don’t like her. Yet, there been multiple times he called my name several times before I answer because I was processing that he was talking to me while I was doing a task. He never reacted badly or accused me of ignoring him. Why couldn’t everyone be like him?

She once even said I never pay attention to anything and thatÂ’s prolly why I wrecked my car. I HAD rear ended another car bc I didnÂ’t see it. I simply looked behind me for a couple minutes.

Anyway, ever since a few months ago, she mostly avoided the hell out of me. DoesnÂ’t everyone have humanly short attention spans or humanly slow processing? Why am I accused of ignoring or tuning out people?

[divine1966]

Ruby, by now you probably know difficulties and challenges that many people with ASD struggle with. No not everyone has short attention span or difficulty tuning in. Some people have though, in your case ASD is likely causing it. I understand your struggles. I understand it’s not intentional and it’s not fair you have to deal with it. But you can work on it with professional help

Are you working with your case worker and your therapist on this? Does your manager know about your challenges?

Originally Posted by divine1966

Ruby, by now you probably know difficulties and challenges that many people with ASD struggle with. No not everyone has short attention span or difficulty tuning in. Some people have though, in your case ASD is likely causing it. I understand your struggles. I understand it’s not intentional and it’s not fair you have to deal with it. But you can work on it with professional help

Are you working with your case worker and your therapist on this? Does your manager know about your challenges?

idk if they know about it, but this one person is the only one who hold it against me. She's not the only one I tuned out. Yet, she told people I don't like her and never listen to her. Isn't all that a ridiculous reason to stop liking me and ignoring me? It's been going on a few months. But at least she's honest about it.