[Naomi12345]

Okay so basically the issue is my long term girlfriends 13 year old son. Background story my girlfriend had him when she was 16 and dad has not been in the picture until maybe the last 3 years (dads choice) I have encouraged my girlfriend in the past to reach out as her son was coming into puberty as I knew that’s what he would be looking for coming into his teens but my gf was a little hesitant as she had to raise him without his blood father and he has all her details and his current wife talks with my gf so if he wanted to be apart of his life he would have put more effort in . Myself and her son used to get along really well until recently I guess teenage things .

My gf and I bought a new home together and I guess it is my pride and joy. We have had a chore board prior to buying a home which consists of him
-brushing his teeth and getting ready for the day
-opening window and blinds( I can’t stand things being closed up and having a teenager adds to the smell)
-Make a sandwich and pack fruit and snacks for school
-wiping down the bench if he makes food and placing his dishes into the dishwasher
-empty out the bin , replace garbage bag and take to the road once a week to be collected
-packing away his lunchbox after school
-having a snack and cleaning up after himself
-homework

Now to me the only real chore on that board for a 13 year old is emptying the bin and taking the it outside each Friday - being 13 and in high school I don’t think you should be given money to brush your teeth or pick up after yourself that is general living in my eyes. I guess that comes from me not having much as a child and to be cleaning up after yourself, showering or brushing your teeth And doing homework is just everyday living in which we should be practicing everyday. I don’t think I am too hard in the fact that I think taking the bin out, sweeping the floor or washing a car or pulling out 10 or so weeds from a garden for a teenager is a weeks worth of pocket money We used to live with my gf mum as we were saving up to buy our own home together and I guess he has been babied a lot growing up(nanny still talks to him like a baby and he does too to both his nan and mum at times but when he talks to his uncles or friends chest is out voice is deep).
Having our own home I am a little more **** then usual- I used to just shut my mouth and clean up after her child and put it on his chore board that it wasn’t completed therefore he would miss out on his internet or pocket money and my gf would have the conversation with him. However for the past year I have been Cali g it as I see it and making him I guess accountable for his actions and unless I stand by him telling him step by step or I turn his internet off until it is completed nothing is done properly! I work with at risk youth all day and I see the struggles they face each day and it is mentally exhausted so to come home and his rubbish or mess on the bench is added stress as I ask him to clean up or put something in the bin to continue routine he just ignores me then I have to raise my voice and ask him a 3rd or 4th time and he groans or mumbles where he would not do that to his mum cause he would be in trouble.He recently also stole my gf work mobile and lied for about 4 weeks saying he didn’t have it. He started spending a lot of time in the toilet and had me thinking maybe we should take him to the doctors but he insisted he was okay and it wasn’t until one morning that our security cameras alerted us about him leaving home for the bus and we seen him taking photos with a mobile phone- his phone was currently broken- he lied continually about it saying it was his mobile and it wasn’t until I said I had checked his room to see if he had taken his own mobile to school in which he hadn’t that he told the truth. It’s like he knows how to lie and guilt trip my gf where she feels sorry for him- his excuse “I took it cause you turn the internet off and I was bored” . I guess I see through it all because he isn’t my blood - I’m not sure. We are also at the stage where my gf wants another baby and to be engaged and I have expressed that I want a baby and to marry her but I have also expressed during the most challenging times together and given my struggles to now connect with a teenager that isn’t mine and being so young I do just want time for us to be “alone” and travel and really experience the world together as that was who I was before I met her and settled very early.
I have to also add that I love when he is at his nans because It allows me to be comfortable in sag undies and a bra , watch what I want on the tv and to essentially be comfortable mommy own skin around the house.

I guess I’m just torn in I love this girl with my entire heart and see a complete future with her and the only time we do fight is because of her child answering back, not doing what’s asked or being rude. Do I stop my needs and wants of a family because in reality and the “ideal” world this should have been our time to travel and have that life of just be two of us the settling down and being a mum down the track.

[Molinit]

Why don't you make things easy for her and tell her how you feel about him? Then her decision to dump you will be simple. I think you're currently hiding your contempt of him (and her because she is his mother). Be truthful.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Naomi12345

Okay so basically the issue is my long term girlfriends 13 year old son. Background story my girlfriend had him when she was 16 and dad has not been in the picture until maybe the last 3 years (dads choice) I have encouraged my girlfriend in the past to reach out as her son was coming into puberty as I knew that’s what he would be looking for coming into his teens but my gf was a little hesitant as she had to raise him without his blood father and he has all her details and his current wife talks with my gf so if he wanted to be apart of his life he would have put more effort in . Myself and her son used to get along really well until recently I guess teenage things .

My gf and I bought a new home together and I guess it is my pride and joy. We have had a chore board prior to buying a home which consists of him
-brushing his teeth and getting ready for the day
-opening window and blinds( I can’t stand things being closed up and having a teenager adds to the smell)
-Make a sandwich and pack fruit and snacks for school
-wiping down the bench if he makes food and placing his dishes into the dishwasher
-empty out the bin , replace garbage bag and take to the road once a week to be collected
-packing away his lunchbox after school
-having a snack and cleaning up after himself
-homework

Now to me the only real chore on that board for a 13 year old is emptying the bin and taking the it outside each Friday - being 13 and in high school I don’t think you should be given money to brush your teeth or pick up after yourself that is general living in my eyes. I guess that comes from me not having much as a child and to be cleaning up after yourself, showering or brushing your teeth And doing homework is just everyday living in which we should be practicing everyday. I don’t think I am too hard in the fact that I think taking the bin out, sweeping the floor or washing a car or pulling out 10 or so weeds from a garden for a teenager is a weeks worth of pocket money We used to live with my gf mum as we were saving up to buy our own home together and I guess he has been babied a lot growing up(nanny still talks to him like a baby and he does too to both his nan and mum at times but when he talks to his uncles or friends chest is out voice is deep).
Having our own home I am a little more **** then usual- I used to just shut my mouth and clean up after her child and put it on his chore board that it wasn’t completed therefore he would miss out on his internet or pocket money and my gf would have the conversation with him. However for the past year I have been Cali g it as I see it and making him I guess accountable for his actions and unless I stand by him telling him step by step or I turn his internet off until it is completed nothing is done properly! I work with at risk youth all day and I see the struggles they face each day and it is mentally exhausted so to come home and his rubbish or mess on the bench is added stress as I ask him to clean up or put something in the bin to continue routine he just ignores me then I have to raise my voice and ask him a 3rd or 4th time and he groans or mumbles where he would not do that to his mum cause he would be in trouble.He recently also stole my gf work mobile and lied for about 4 weeks saying he didn’t have it. He started spending a lot of time in the toilet and had me thinking maybe we should take him to the doctors but he insisted he was okay and it wasn’t until one morning that our security cameras alerted us about him leaving home for the bus and we seen him taking photos with a mobile phone- his phone was currently broken- he lied continually about it saying it was his mobile and it wasn’t until I said I had checked his room to see if he had taken his own mobile to school in which he hadn’t that he told the truth. It’s like he knows how to lie and guilt trip my gf where she feels sorry for him- his excuse “I took it cause you turn the internet off and I was bored” . I guess I see through it all because he isn’t my blood - I’m not sure. We are also at the stage where my gf wants another baby and to be engaged and I have expressed that I want a baby and to marry her but I have also expressed during the most challenging times together and given my struggles to now connect with a teenager that isn’t mine and being so young I do just want time for us to be “alone” and travel and really experience the world together as that was who I was before I met her and settled very early.
I have to also add that I love when he is at his nans because It allows me to be comfortable in sag undies and a bra , watch what I want on the tv and to essentially be comfortable mommy own skin around the house.

I guess I’m just torn in I love this girl with my entire heart and see a complete future with her and the only time we do fight is because of her child answering back, not doing what’s asked or being rude. Do I stop my needs and wants of a family because in reality and the “ideal” world this should have been our time to travel and have that life of just be two of us the settling down and being a mum down the track.

Why not just break up with her an explain this hasn't been working out for sometime?

[Bill3]

A few steps to possibly consider:

--tell gf that you will step back from disciplining him since he isn't your son

--suggest family therapy: the stealing and the baby talking seem particularly of interest in that setting

--go to individual therapy to figure out what you most want at this point in your life

[Honeydip]

Do U still Love the gf???