Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

I am facing the possibility of having to end my marriage and am feeling an enormous, heavy weight of immensely deep sadness on my shoulders and in my heart today.

Reality has hit me square in the face - I am being on and off abused. I have given him an ultimatum (as of yesterday) and now need to follow through on that.

IF he cannot make important and necessary, much needed changes, IF he yells at me even just more time, I am insisting upon couples counseling and upon him taking FULL ownership of his issues (which he denies and won't own up to). IF he refuses to take ownership, and IF he refuses couples counseling, I am ending the marriage.

I feel such deep grief.

I have given so much of myself to this relationship - all of my heart, love and caring. We have built a life and a comfortable, cozy home together. We do not have children, but we share two pets. We share a social circle and a mutual social life together. Much would be lost, along with the marriage. And IF it needs to end, it would be his second failed marriage.

He told me months before our wedding that if couples counseling is ever brought up , that means the relationship is over.

He refuses to look at himself square in the mirror. He refuses to introspect and see his behaviors as being abusive. He will not take responsibility for his issues - instead, he deflects, blames and projects ALL his issues onto me.

And I am done. I am tired of it all.

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary, and this is how I am feeling - this is what is on my mind. I do not feel like celebrating. I want to skip tomorrow.