[What_the_hell]

Hi guys, not sure if i'm writing for advice or just to spill it out.
I've been having a crush on a coworker since Novembet - and that coworker was not single back them. So I distanced myself and went out with other people; got distracted. Had a fling and was switching attention to other things, although being back at work would reignite my feelings.

However, right before the quarantine started , that coworker broke up with her partner and ended up leaving back to her homecountry. Upon knowing that I let her know that I've liked her more than a friend for a while - it felt safe since we didn't have to work together anymore + she was finally single. She responded kindly saying that she thought about it too and was afraid that I found her annoying. We continued texting through out the quarantine and sometimes she'd get super flirty with me but made it clear that she isn't thinking about relationships right now. I felt very confused about this connection; plus she was not going to go back to the country I'm currently in. And I definitely felt like even though she's interested, she's not in love with me ...

I kept the connection going - well, she'd often be the one to text first, so we both did - and today she mentioned she now ahs a partner again. I felt so devastated yet somehow, set free? I decided to cut this person off as much as it is possible - there still might be work-related things to deal with and I want to stay polite - but I just feel so confused about this whole situation!

Like, why say someone who're into them, support them , write everyday , flirt , express you don't wanna relationship and then let me know you're seeing someone?
Honestly as I write this, I start wondering if this is some sort of mind game or if I was a source of validation in some way. **** this. I also didn't quite enjoy the dynamics of our communication but kept hoping she'll figure things out emotionally and find a way to me. Show me some love. That was delusional of me haha.

*if you have an advice or can relate - please commect! <3
All the best,
WTH

[CarlyS24]

I think it happens with many people. When the person doesn't want to go ahead with you in a relationship, and at the same time, doesn't want to leave you, then this kind of situation occurs. And as soon as they find someone, they inform you so that you can take yourself out of their love story.

[Open Eyes]

Oh I am sorry you developed feelings for someone and ended up being let down like that. All relationships we try to engage in are a risk, we can learn a lot of hard life lessons when it comes to experiencing different relationships with others. Ofcourse you feel broken hearted, you were genuinely interested in seeing if you could actually develop a relationship with this person. Your hopes got dashed and that always hurts and/or is deeply disappointing. Yet, this person is recently divorced and may not be good "relationship" material for someone like you. You sound like a nice person and perhaps this woman is more attracted to men not as nice as you. That is not YOUR failing either, in all honesty some people tend to date a certain type and may even end up experiencing several failed relationships because of that.

Learn from this, notice the red flags that were there before you got to this point where you were just dropped for someone else. Also, be thankful you did not invest more into a relationship only to be dumped further down the road in the relationship. Also, it's best not to get involved with someone right after they break a relationship with another person, especially a marriage. Often the individual is too interested in repairing their broken self esteem and they are not really ready to see you and appreciate you for who you are.

[TishaBuv]

I see it as she had ambivalent feelings for you, then met someone physically close to her. Ironically, you did ultimately find her annoying with her mixed messages and telling you she is seeing someone else.

I think you left it in a good place with her to work together again. I’m sorry, as I relate to how these things really hurt.

[What_the_hell]

thanks for understanding! <3 there is truth in that this person doesn't seem to be in a place for a relationship. Just a few days ago she'd say she can't think of coupling with someone ina serious way until she's working towards her career or enrolls in university - and she feels a bit confused about her life direction. However now she's suddenly all in with someone. I think that's not what I'd like in a partner. I'd like more certainty and emotional stability.
Thanks for hearing me out and leaving a thoughtful comment ^_^

[MsLady]

plus she was not going to go back to the country I'm currently in.

there still might be work-related things to deal with and I want to stay polite

I'm inclined to say she's interested in you but the timing is off and she moved out of the country. Am I misunderstanding this? Why do you still need to be polite for work reasons?

If I'm on the right track, leaving a relationship is very hard. Did she explain to you why she left her partner and fled the country?

Her current relationship is a rebound one. It's an unhealthy way of coping through changes and a significant loss. I don't think it had anything to do with you, and distancing from her is probably a good idea. I don't get the impression she was playing mind games.

Maybe you didn't "date" her but you definitely formed some level of emotional connectivity with her. Take care of you! Meet others and this will pass. I'm sorry this sucks. It definitely sounds disappointing.