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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#1
My wife, best friend and only love of 27years has told me our marriage is over. I have suffered from depression over our relationship and this last episode was too much for my wife. I can see the it has affected her more than at any other time. I need advice on how to move on, l cannot get her out of my head and any memory or even a song l hear reminds and upsets me. I feel I will not have a life after this. Anybody else came through a toxic time like this and found solace afterward.
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Gasplessy, Julielynn1990, maker, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, TishaBuv
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Location: US
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#2
I am very sorry to hear it. It cannot be easy. Do you have children (it complicates separation)?
I very much recommend you see a therapist to help you through. Yes you can move forward and heal but it will take time and possibly professional help. Are you anticipating amicable divorce and perhaps staying on friendly terms? Remain friends? Divorcing or separating doesn’t always mean you have to lose a friend Hugs |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#3
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Fuzzybear, Open Eyes
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#4
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
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#5
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#6
Oh AceScot, I am so very sorry it's such a challenge to struggle with MI, not only for the one who has it but also their spouses. Others here can relate and understand, it's a good place to come for Mental Health support.
It's so important to reach out for help and therapy and possibly see if you might benefit from a different medication. |
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Chita1973
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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#7
What is toxic about your situation? Just asking for clarification.
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#8
I see no future for myself alone, mental health recovery taking longer due to my wife leaving me, l will lose my home as my wife wants to sell up and because l have lost my job financially l cannot stop it. I can't see any future for myself, all these events are toxic th o me and my health.
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Open Eyes
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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
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#9
Well, first I'll answer your original question, just so you don't think I am just bugging you for more information.
Yes, I have been through something similar if you mean a horrible divorce and severe depression. Mine was only 14 years long though. I would say traumatizing for myself rather than toxic as well. It involved child abuse, suicidal behavior, infidelity, police, alcoholism, and the death of my dog. And yes, I have come through the other side and am recovering. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't have comforting words for depression. It is never good. What do you mean she left you after the last episode? Of depression? |
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Fuzzybear, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#10
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1. I had given up trying to get better 2. My wife had experienced depression herself this time. 3. She can't go thro this again and wants the rest of her life to be free of me and my depression. I have pleaded with her but to no avail, 27yrs gone, life empty. |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#11
No matter how old you are, that's a big chunk of time of your life you knew this woman. For a while there, I was married to my wife longer than I wasn't. But soon I will have been divorced longer than I have been married. Youth, marriage, divorce, recovery, new beginnings, these are all cycles too. What's your plan for recovery from depression? Maybe you begin to get better and you get remarried?
Last edited by guy1111; Jul 08, 2020 at 07:09 AM.. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#12
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guy1111, RoxanneToto
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#13
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guy1111
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#14
October the 10th, l have went back to work part time. I have moved back into my marital home. Both these have again crushed my mental health. Sitting here, lve got two options, give up work and move out to where l don't know, end it all but lm scared to do it but l want to end all this hopelessness and lack of motivation. My life as l know it is over the life lve led and the woman l love is over, ended, finished. Hope has gone from my life, the drive, excitement the love.... OVER. Its over a year l have carried this burden of severe depression and hoped to beat it. Tried medication, Psychiatrist, therapy. I'm the only one who can beat this and l cant do it. Dying is a better option than how l have fely over the last 13 months.
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#15
That's great man! You are a stand up guy. Not many guys get to where they can see their issues and start to fix themselves.
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AceScot
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#16
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Had my first session with my therapist today, l have seen therapists before. We spent the time discussing my childhood, my mental health history and my current marital problems. I feel talking therapy does help, the only difficulty l have is the weight of my marital problem does impact on how l feel, my thoughts are always focused on my wife and the disbelief of our separation, this is stopping me progressing at this time..... I am sad and continue to be. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
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#17
Thank you for the update and I am glad you are going to see a therapist!!! Awesome step.
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AceScot
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#18
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__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
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#19
Does your wife have any problems with drugs/alcohol or other addictive/compulsive behaviors, ie excessive shopping, dieting? I'm sure she is very special because you care about her and have been together so long.
Just asking because you may have co-dependency stuff going on. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Scotland
Posts: 24
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#20
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If anything l rely on her totally and completely as a friend and soulmate. |
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