[MrsA]

I recently dealt with a very frustrating person that I hope is out of my life for good. But I keep wondering if the way she communicates is an example of passive aggressiveness.

This person acts as if she is really friendly, but she constantly injects barbs in her statements such as:

"I can't work this device, though it doesn't help that you screwed up on the other thing."

Or instead of asking a question, she said "It would have been nice if you had done a better job explaining."

It's as if she needed to keep reminding me of an alleged shortcoming while pretending she is a nice positive person. After three weeks, I refused to do something she wanted on the grounds that she was not satisfied with anything I'd already done. And she went nuts and accused me of being "rude" and "defensive."

I get the sense it is part insecurity. She asks for help with a complaint and phrases questions like criticisms. I'm just curious what you call someone who communicates like this? Is it passive aggressive to say little nasty things and claim the other person is just oversensitive?

[MrsA]

Oh. I might have figured it out. She's needy. She constantly accused me of having wronged her to try establish a sense of obligation. She is only a few years older than me but seems to want as much help and attention as if she was a very elderly person. Weird.

[unaluna]

That sounded passive aggressive to me.

[DechanDawa]

"She's needy."

Whatever. Still passive aggressive and a bully attitude. You don't need to figure her out. You need to maintain good boundaries. If the way someone talks to you makes you feel uncomfortable...there is probably something wrong.

I just ended a long-term friendship where this kind of thing went on for years. It just got worse until I had enough.


The key to my realization was I finally realized that this person NEVER APOLOGIZED even when warranted.

Stay sane, safe, and protected....and NEVER let anyone talk to you in a demeaning way. I wish someone had told me this long ago.

Best of luck.

[MrsA]

Thanks so much for your opinions. I always wonder if people will think I am imagining things when I think there was something wrong with an interaction. I really appreciate your input.

[divine1966]

Oh yeah passive aggressive for sure

[TishaBuv]

Is it passive aggressive when someone adds barbs to their conversation? You bet it is! It’s really that person’s problem, not yours. They harbor anger, it’s probably not even about you, but they let it out passive aggressively.

[Have Hope]

Passive aggressive.