[Ella891]

Hello

I know I put this in the work section but I am posting here because this is regarding a friend from work I am in contact with.

So this guy used to be a manager in a department I worked for, for a while. It was only a temporary assignment but I was there for longer than expected. He is single and lives on his own so far as I am aware. Me, I am married, have been so for 2 years just over.

Anyway this guy sexually harassed me but I didn't report it because the whole thing had stunned me and I had been abused as a child (I am now 35) He also tried to appeal to his own manager to keep on permanently but the appeals kept falling through and eventually the assignment with him had to expire so was out of his control.

This guy did NOT want me to take on phone work, but this is what I now do. And I didn't expect to get this job but I have it. This guy found out and I have learned he is now asking others who used to work with me for my personal information.

One of my friends I used to work with and who still works with him is happy I got the job and has been writing on my social media wall. I thought, ok, that's fine. But my confidence has been lacking because of my scores and the errors I have been making and I have considered leaving the company.

My friend immediately contacted me asking why I was considering leaving and I told her. The following day I received an email from my social media account asking me to accept the ex manager as a friend and this was around about the time I was expected to start work (I was on a later shift so I wasn't around at that time)

But, since I told her I have been considering leaving and telling her the issues I have had, she has been liking my photos which she never did before all of this (and this guy admitted to looking at my photos before which is casting doubt in my mind) and also, this guy told me he wouldn't be happy if I left the company. But I don't know what he would do if I did!

They are both friends on social media but she is only friends with me, he is not friends with me but as she has been messaging me instead it is giving me the impression that she is telling him what I have been thinking about doing.

If this friend is indeed spying on me (and I have a really deep suspicion about this because of my past experience with inappropriate advances from other guys but none from work) how can I go about asking her? Or should I ask a different friend who no longer speaks to the ex manager but still speaks to her?

I probably sound really paranoid right now but any help with this is appreciated. Thank you guys

[Ella891]

Also, just to add - I deleted the notification I received asking me to add him as a friend and I have now blocked him on social media.

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, these kinds of situations where you feel you want to ask a friend if they're up to something regarded as underhanded, are quite tricky @Ella891.

You could either ask the friend, straight up, if they're reporting back things you've both spoken about to that stalker guy - tell your friend you don't like this guy - or just let it go and see if anything else unfolds with the friend of yours. But if you do decide to address the suspicion of spying with this friend, then, have it in your mind that it might affect the dynamic of your friendship somehow. I hope it doesn't affect the friendship but it may well do.

That's basically what I'd do.

[Open Eyes]

Another person should not be posting pictures of you like that without your permission. And this friend is also asking too many questions about you too.

Your alarm is picking up red flag warnings and it doesn’t mean you are being paranoid. If anyone posts something on your social media that you’re not comfortable with you have every right to delete it. Same with anyone requesting to friend you so they can look at what you share about your life with your friends.

It is possible that this friend who is friends with this guy is sharing information about you that you prefer he not know. That means you need to stop sharing things with this friend that you prefer this guy not know.

[Ella891]

Thank you so much.

I am now incredibly cautious with who I am friends with on social media now. I wasn't before when I was younger, but I am now.

I trust this person a lot, same with that guy to be honest because he has always been really nice to me and he's helped me...I will just see how it goes I guess.

I am yet again considering leaving the company. I haven't made any other errors but I am just not making things clearer for other people. I type up notes during calls which make sense to me but not to others but even though the feedback regarding the notes is constructive, to me it feels like a major blow and I then feel incredibly incompetent.

I get emails from other managers saying how great their workers are but me and my small group of people don't get anything like that and I'm thinking what am I doing wrong?

I have made my quality assurance coach aware that I have thought about leaving the company more than once since taking on this job 4 months ago and I am worried about how I will react when someone else other than that guy who abused me turns around and says "don't leave, stay in the building."

I just want my therapy session to come round so quickly.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by Ella891

I am yet again considering leaving the company. I haven't made any other errors but I am just not making things clearer for other people. I type up notes during calls which make sense to me but not to others but even though the feedback regarding the notes is constructive, to me it feels like a major blow and I then feel incredibly incompetent.

I get emails from other managers saying how great their workers are but me and my small group of people don't get anything like that and I'm thinking what am I doing wrong?

IMO it is always good to do periodical job searches to see if you qualify for a better job. It can also take a while to learn a new job skill. Sometimes when I have been coached it really helped improve my work, other times the advice clashed with other advice given or just wasn't a good fit for my personality (I have worked in sales a little bit--a job where they listen to your calls every week and coach you all of the time), My advice is to find a mentor, if possible, where the coaching makes sense but if they are not helping then start reading the company's documents that talk about procedures in your job. Many times I have learned how to do my job by reading company documents between phone calls.

Eventually, you might get the hang of and actually like your new assignment. I hope so.

[Open Eyes]

Ella you are going to be constantly learning and growing as a person so with that you will also learn how to have stronger boundaries too.

There is nothing wrong with asking questions at work if you think you might be doing something wrong. Each company you work for will have a formula they like employees to follow. It can take a little time to learn how to follow whatever formula is desired.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Ella891

Hello

I know I put this in the work section but I am posting here because this is regarding a friend from work I am in contact with.

So this guy used to be a manager in a department I worked for, for a while. It was only a temporary assignment but I was there for longer than expected. He is single and lives on his own so far as I am aware. Me, I am married, have been so for 2 years just over.

Anyway this guy sexually harassed me but I didn't report it because the whole thing had stunned me and I had been abused as a child (I am now 35) He also tried to appeal to his own manager to keep on permanently but the appeals kept falling through and eventually the assignment with him had to expire so was out of his control.

This guy did NOT want me to take on phone work, but this is what I now do. And I didn't expect to get this job but I have it. This guy found out and I have learned he is now asking others who used to work with me for my personal information.

One of my friends I used to work with and who still works with him is happy I got the job and has been writing on my social media wall. I thought, ok, that's fine. But my confidence has been lacking because of my scores and the errors I have been making and I have considered leaving the company.

My friend immediately contacted me asking why I was considering leaving and I told her. The following day I received an email from my social media account asking me to accept the ex manager as a friend and this was around about the time I was expected to start work (I was on a later shift so I wasn't around at that time)

But, since I told her I have been considering leaving and telling her the issues I have had, she has been liking my photos which she never did before all of this (and this guy admitted to looking at my photos before which is casting doubt in my mind) and also, this guy told me he wouldn't be happy if I left the company. But I don't know what he would do if I did!

They are both friends on social media but she is only friends with me, he is not friends with me but as she has been messaging me instead it is giving me the impression that she is telling him what I have been thinking about doing.

If this friend is indeed spying on me (and I have a really deep suspicion about this because of my past experience with inappropriate advances from other guys but none from work) how can I go about asking her? Or should I ask a different friend who no longer speaks to the ex manager but still speaks to her?

I probably sound really paranoid right now but any help with this is appreciated. Thank you guys

I would block her. I would file stalking charges. I would start gathering hard evidence report this to h r and to the police. In would tell your manager he been stalking you at work and after houts.