[Kristifi]

A few years back, my friend's 20 something son died of a prescription drug overdose. He lived in her home and had passed in his bed and was found perhaps 24 hours later.

I told her that my boyfriend said "how could she have not known?",(I should not have), later he did change his mind and realized that his 20 something is disabled and he always knows where he is and what he is doing.

Well, she had never met him but she hated him for that. She will never let me mention his name or even talk about anything that involves him. He is a good person and that has been difficult. The subject comes up occasionally. She says.........

Like I've said before, I believe once someone has said something out loud, it's out there..no taking it back with an I'm sorry.. it wasn't an honest mistake...

it was meant to be said and in their head and heart..

A grieving parent does not need to hear in any circumstance any sort of comment that hurts... we are dealing with enough already..
I hold a grudge.. I don't like your bf for just what he said. That's my prerogative..
I do not care how wonderful,etc you think he is.

I still wish I could get her to see how crazy this grudge is.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Kristifi: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

Thanks for sharing this situation. I don't think there is much of anything I can offer with regard to it except perhaps to quote something that has been written by the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön: "Criticism without compassion can be just mean."

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Open Eyes]

Sorry but this woman will probably never forget this remark and to her it's not silly. It's horrific to lose one's child at any age and often the thought or feeling of guilt is already there. So to have anyone add to that is never going to be forgotten.

[divine1966]

Well your boyfriend said it to you, not to her.

People make all kind of comments to their significant others, it’s not meant to be repeated to people that were discussed.

What was the reason you repeated it to her? Personally I’d be upset with my friend for repeating hurtful things rather than being upset with a boyfriend whom she doesn’t know and who just said things in privacy of his own home with no plans for it to be repeated

Like if I saId to my husband I think our neighbor is nuts and he’d go to the neighbor and said my wife thinks you are nuts (hypothetical example). Why repeat such things?

[Rive.]

This grudge isn't crazy, she is grieving. Not to mention the guilt etc. she must be feeling.

I agree with her, there was really no need to repeat what your bf said to her.

[sarahsweets]

I would be devastated if this was repeated to me no matter who said it.

[Kristifi]

Thank you for your responses.

At the time when I repeated it, it did not seem like a big deal at all.

[CANDC]

Thread reopened

[Kristifi]

CANDC,
I am sorry, I have no idea what that means.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Kristifi

CANDC,
I am sorry, I have no idea what that means.

Let me send you a Personal Message.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Kristifi

A few years back, my friend's 20 something son died of a prescription drug overdose. He lived in her home and had passed in his bed and was found perhaps 24 hours later.

I told her that my boyfriend said "how could she have not known?",(I should not have), later he did change his mind and realized that his 20 something is disabled and he always knows where he is and what he is doing.

Well, she had never met him but she hated him for that. She will never let me mention his name or even talk about anything that involves him. He is a good person and that has been difficult. The subject comes up occasionally. She says.........

Like I've said before, I believe once someone has said something out loud, it's out there..no taking it back with an I'm sorry.. it wasn't an honest mistake...

it was meant to be said and in their head and heart..

A grieving parent does not need to hear in any circumstance any sort of comment that hurts... we are dealing with enough already..
I hold a grudge.. I don't like your bf for just what he said. That's my prerogative..
I do not care how wonderful,etc you think he is.

I still wish I could get her to see how crazy this grudge is.

I'm sorry for what had happened to your friend and her son. I'm sorry that you were out in a middle between your friend and your boyfriend. It is very hard when you are grieving and feel guilty for getting there in time. You could try and ask her what can you do to make this situation better?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rive.

This grudge isn't crazy, she is grieving. Not to mention the guilt etc. she must be feeling.

I agree with her, there was really no need to repeat what your bf said to her.

I agree. It was hurtful without the intention of being hurtful.

[eskielover]

Your BF words were probably what she was already feeling guilty about from the beginning. Sometimes people can't handle their guilty FEELINGS put into ACTUAL WORDS.

Especially in situations like this where she may have felt she could have saved her son if she had noticed & gotten him to the hospital when it happened.....or even some people feel guilty because someone they loved died alone.