Don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself within friendships/relationships

I have been working on developing stronger boundaries.

I used to have pretty weak boundaries. I used to be SO open to all people, and that's how I've gotten hurt time and time again by various individuals. I used to naively trust new people I met, and I would open up far too quickly to them.

That's a formula for allowing toxic people in and for allowing abuse to occur.

Well, I finally wisened up, and I finally started to enforce stricter boundaries.

A very SMALL part of me feels slightly guilty for having rejected someone who suddenly exited from our friendship and online communications, and then who tried years later, to reenter my life. I have been taught to always be nice to people, even if they've hurt you.

However, she did not take ANY ownership for hurting me deeply when she abruptly left. We were pen pals for a couple years. We shared deep conversations together about life and spirituality. We shared our problems with each other and we helped each other.

So when she disappeared out of the blue, I was really hurt. I emailed her a few times after she disappeared, but with no replies.

I let it go. Then three years later, she reappears, but would not apologize for hurting me and she would not take any ownership of her hurtful actions. So I told her I could not longer be pen pals or friends with her. She got angry and lashed out at me. It did not end well.

She made the excuse that she was emotionally messed up at the time. I did not accept her excuses for being so hurtful.

So, the point is -- I severed the friendship because I knew at that point that it was not serving my best interests anymore. I cannot be friends with someone who can't apologize for hurtful behavior and for ghosting.

I do not allow people to just come and go within my life like that. And ghosting for three years to me is just plain unacceptable. We had been emailing for about two years prior to that.

So, never feel guilty for watching out for yourself within friendships and/or a relationship.

I am learning how to do this for myself -- demonstrating self care and self love. It's most important and critical for positive mental health.