[veiledregret1234]

My 18 year old son told me I was dead to him today. Not a great feeling, worse knowing the reason he hates me is nothing more sinister than being anti-racist and a feminist. I guess in his mind I'm not a good mother if I'm not willing to throw everyone including myself under the bus to keep him from being inconvenienced. I've already lost contact with my only surviving brother in the last 30 days because I wouldn't bail him out of jail. How did I ever become such a doormat that standing up for myself in any way makes me useless to even my own brother and child?

I don't think it's about you at all. They are both walking a path that makes no sense to you. It doesn't matter if their path makes sense to you, it only matters that their path makes sense to them. Their path is not your path. It's better to walk alone than to walk on the wrong path.

Tonight my daughter (she's 31 years old) told me she's embarrassed by my beliefs. She's embarrassed by my beliefs. No one knows what those beliefs are but her, but she's embarrassed anyway. This is very manipulative. If my beliefs are so unacceptable, I think I'd rather lose her than change who I am.

I'm willing to let her go, as I have no intention of changing myself to make her feel better about her own hatred. The path is lonely, but at least it's an authentic path. I'm sorry for your troubles, but it seems to be a sign of the times.

[veiledregret1234]

With my son it definitely seems to be, that and he's being manipulated by a much older man. He didn't get everything he thought the world owed him when he turned 18 and it's easier to blame everyone else. That's been my brother in a nutshell his whole life. Somehow they missed the personal accountability lessons in their lives. I'm sad for them, and I'm sad for me. You're right though my compassion won't let me be anyone but me. It hurts to let them go, especially knowing that doing so is going to hurt them a lot more than me. I've always been their fall back place, but if all they have to offer is abuse in return then I can't be that place. I won't be that place for them.

Originally Posted by veiledregret1234

With my son it definitely seems to be, that and he's being manipulated by a much older man. He didn't get everything he thought the world owed him when he turned 18 and it's easier to blame everyone else. That's been my brother in a nutshell his whole life. Somehow they missed the personal accountability lessons in their lives. I'm sad for them, and I'm sad for me. You're right though my compassion won't let me be anyone but me. It hurts to let them go, especially knowing that doing so is going to hurt them a lot more than me. I've always been their fall back place, but if all they have to offer is abuse in return then I can't be that place. I won't be that place for them.

For me it comes down to this: if a person makes you feel bad about yourself, it's probably better to be around them as little as possible. We weren't born to be abused. I think people out to earn the right to have you in their life.

[FooZe]

This thread is open again. Please remember our guideline:

• Limit your direct discussion of politics and religion, as people usually hold pretty strong opinions about these topics.

It's OK to say, for example, that someone in your family is at odds with you about politics; that conversation can be all about relationships and communication. Unfortunately, getting caught up in the details of who believes what, who's right, and who must therefore be wrong, has a way of driving the conversation off topic either in a thread or in a relationship.

By the way:

Originally Posted by DocJohn

You can discuss political topics in political social groups (or where the group leader allows such discussion), and religious topics in religious social groups (or where the group leader allows such discussion). As with everything in the community, it must be respectful and tolerant of others' beliefs.

Best,
DocJohn

[Prycejosh1987]

Respect yourself and do not take what your son said to you because it didnt come from his heart he was just angry for you for some reason. 18 years old say a lot of things that they will regret. We have all done it at that age.