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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
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Sep 10, 2020 at 12:55 PM
#1
The outcome in my relationships (I’m single now) will never change unless I stop chasing. I never let him pursue (for long) so he will take me foregranted and I feel depleted having to be the one to contact him and make plans more than half the time (my ex did ask at times). So guys lose interest in me quickly because since i am making things too easy, they don’t value me...I would start letting him initiate but then I would give in.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,266
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Sep 10, 2020 at 01:26 PM
#2
One very true lesson I've learned over the years about dating and men: most men prefer to chase and pursue, and they prefer a woman who is harder to get. That makes the chase all the more exciting to them, and then when they finally do catch you, they tend to value you and appreciate you that much more... especially if you don't give them sex right away too. If you make it easy for them, sure, they will take it for granted and they will take you for granted. Too easy. Then they also will think you're more desperate. But the woman who doesn't act desperate and chase? That's the one they want. Not that you act desperate, I do not know. I am just using that as an example. Just do the opposite of what you've done so far. Be the opposite gal, like opposite George in Seinfeld!
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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 Disney2019, sarahsweets
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
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Sep 10, 2020 at 01:57 PM
#3
Thanks for this
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
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Nov 15, 2020 at 12:39 PM
#4
Quote:
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,878
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Nov 15, 2020 at 08:45 PM
#5
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,450
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Nov 15, 2020 at 10:18 PM
#6
I agree, let him do the chasing, it works much better
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,878
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Nov 16, 2020 at 02:19 AM
#7
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ArtleyWilkins
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Member
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 67
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Nov 16, 2020 at 03:11 AM
#8
Take my opinion with a grain of salt... I'm not an expert of relationships... I'm far from it in fact. I don't think you should alter your personality just to seek a man out. Just be yourself. I don't understand the narrative about men should do all the chasing... and pursuing while us women play hard to get. That sounds strange to me.
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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2020
Location: Sofia
Posts: 14
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Dec 02, 2020 at 05:29 AM
#9
Disney2019, I am in the absolute same situation. I always do this, I have just now even posted a thread about chasing, so I relate so much to what you are saying.
You know, I thought also I need to change, but you know, you know deep inside what you need to do and if you do something that you don't feel comfortable with you will end up regretting it. If you feel like you need to chase, you will chase until you no longer feel like you need to do it. Do not change yourself for someone. And you know what is the positive of chasing is? Once you are gone, it will be very much noticeable and will give the person the "oh where is she" type of thinking. If that is your person, he will come back. If not, he never was. Hurts just to say it... |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,810
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Dec 03, 2020 at 10:12 AM
#10
I've never found that solid relationships require "chasing" on anyone's part. There is a mutual give and take, and mutual desire to communicate and spend time together. It isn't a game - it's a relationship. If that natural and mutual attraction and affinity for each other isn't happening, perhaps it isn't worth the "chase"?
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,712
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Dec 03, 2020 at 02:48 PM
#11
Quote:
I am a male and I very much agree with this. My generation and older (and probably younger) were raised to pursue girls. The girls were supposed to wait and then play hard to get. Girls were brought up to never ask boys out. I always thought that it was archaic. For me personally, I would like a woman to ask me out. I've felt like I've been weak at asking women out, though I have done it. I prefer that, if a woman asks me out, I'd like it to be a soft approach. If it's too aggressive, I wouldn't care for it. Also I had been known to turn down being asked out because I wasn't interested. |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 46
3 |
Dec 04, 2020 at 09:55 AM
#12
It is true that very often guys lose interest in a girl if she shows more initiative, if she always agrees to everything if she shows more attention to the guy than he does to her.
Of course, there are exceptions, but I have met only those guys who are not serious about such active girls. Maybe men want to be "hunters" who make an effort to get what they want, that is, a relationship with a girl. Next time you have a new boyfriend, let him be in charge. Be a mysterious, hard-to-reach girl. You'll see what comes out of this, maybe you'll like it. |
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
4 |
Dec 04, 2020 at 11:03 AM
#13
Have respect for yourself and close boundaries.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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