[Disney2019]

The outcome in my relationships (I’m single now) will never change unless I stop chasing. I never let him pursue (for long) so he will take me foregranted and I feel depleted having to be the one to contact him and make plans more than half the time (my ex did ask at times). So guys lose interest in me quickly because since i am making things too easy, they don’t value me...I would start letting him initiate but then I would give in.

[Have Hope]

One very true lesson I've learned over the years about dating and men: most men prefer to chase and pursue, and they prefer a woman who is harder to get. That makes the chase all the more exciting to them, and then when they finally do catch you, they tend to value you and appreciate you that much more... especially if you don't give them sex right away too. If you make it easy for them, sure, they will take it for granted and they will take you for granted. Too easy. Then they also will think you're more desperate. But the woman who doesn't act desperate and chase? That's the one they want. Not that you act desperate, I do not know. I am just using that as an example. Just do the opposite of what you've done so far. Be the opposite gal, like opposite George in Seinfeld!

[Disney2019]

Thanks for this

[Prycejosh1987]

Originally Posted by Disney2019

The outcome in my relationships (I’m single now) will never change unless I stop chasing. I never let him pursue (for long) so he will take me foregranted and I feel depleted having to be the one to contact him and make plans more than half the time (my ex did ask at times). So guys lose interest in me quickly because since i am making things too easy, they don’t value me...I would start letting him initiate but then I would give in.

You sound like a great girlfriend. I think perhaps you could just be more strict and less giving. If you are too easy it will be a problem because some guys you are with will run you over, without a care in the world. Communication is key in everything.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Prycejosh1987

You sound like a great girlfriend. I think perhaps you could just be more strict and less giving. If you are too easy it will be a problem because some guys you are with will run you over, without a care in the world. Communication is key in everything.

Why should she be less giving?

[Fuzzybear]

I agree, let him do the chasing, it works much better

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree, let him do the chasing, it works much better

Why does anyone need to chase anyone?

[EagleTears]

Take my opinion with a grain of salt... I'm not an expert of relationships... I'm far from it in fact. I don't think you should alter your personality just to seek a man out. Just be yourself. I don't understand the narrative about men should do all the chasing... and pursuing while us women play hard to get. That sounds strange to me.

[overgiver88]

Disney2019, I am in the absolute same situation. I always do this, I have just now even posted a thread about chasing, so I relate so much to what you are saying.
You know, I thought also I need to change, but you know, you know deep inside what you need to do and if you do something that you don't feel comfortable with you will end up regretting it.
If you feel like you need to chase, you will chase until you no longer feel like you need to do it. Do not change yourself for someone.
And you know what is the positive of chasing is? Once you are gone, it will be very much noticeable and will give the person the "oh where is she" type of thinking. If that is your person, he will come back. If not, he never was. Hurts just to say it...

[ArtleyWilkins]

I've never found that solid relationships require "chasing" on anyone's part. There is a mutual give and take, and mutual desire to communicate and spend time together. It isn't a game - it's a relationship. If that natural and mutual attraction and affinity for each other isn't happening, perhaps it isn't worth the "chase"?

Originally Posted by EagleTears

I don't understand the narrative about men should do all the chasing... and pursuing while us women play hard to get. That sounds strange to me.

I am a male and I very much agree with this. My generation and older (and probably younger) were raised to pursue girls. The girls were supposed to wait and then play hard to get. Girls were brought up to never ask boys out. I always thought that it was archaic.

For me personally, I would like a woman to ask me out. I've felt like I've been weak at asking women out, though I have done it. I prefer that, if a woman asks me out, I'd like it to be a soft approach. If it's too aggressive, I wouldn't care for it. Also I had been known to turn down being asked out because I wasn't interested.

[herbal tea]

It is true that very often guys lose interest in a girl if she shows more initiative, if she always agrees to everything if she shows more attention to the guy than he does to her.
Of course, there are exceptions, but I have met only those guys who are not serious about such active girls.
Maybe men want to be "hunters" who make an effort to get what they want, that is, a relationship with a girl.
Next time you have a new boyfriend, let him be in charge. Be a mysterious, hard-to-reach girl. You'll see what comes out of this, maybe you'll like it.

[Prycejosh1987]

Have respect for yourself and close boundaries.