[RavenGirl1990]

Hi,

I didn’t start dating till I was out of high school. When I was in school I had some crushes on different people but never pursued any of them. Anyway, I have difficulty forming relationships. I have dated four people so far in my life.
They all lasted about the same time not going past four months. I am not a happy person, I put on a show that I am happy. Anyway, those relationships I hadn’t weren’t awful, but I always felt awkward in them, and uncomfortable, and stress me out.
I would hide it well cause they always believed I was happy with them. In fact, all those relationships, I didn’t want to be in. Most of the time the other person liked me. And I only saw them all as friends, and I would tell all of them that repeatedly.

Anyway all those relationships I was in over the years, I broke up, with the other person. And I know that I would break up with them at some point. Inside I knew and could feel it. None of them ever broke up with me. I could never connect to any of them emotionally, and any physical affection like kissing or hand holding, either in private or in public made me uncomfortable.
Only, one of my relationships, went way beyond that. And even that time, I didn’t really, feel any emotional connection. I have never been in love. I don’t know what that is like.
Anyone else ever date someone they really didn’t want to date?

I know no one on here can diagnose. I felt like these relationships were “a chore” a lot of the time. And like a “a chore” where we had to talk each day.
How do you form relationships with people? Be it dating or just friends?

[RoxanneToto]

I can’t really advise on “how” to make friends, aside from maybe look for groups (hobby type - my iPad nearly wrote hobbit for some reason! Or sports, etc. Something you’re into maybe and would like to share with others. See who you get talking to etc and take things from there).
What I really want to ask is do you know anything about attachment theory? Your dating experiences sound very similar to mine, except for the fact I was more often the dumpee than the dumper! But I know that I have attachment issues which did/do cause me to get stressed out in relationships, even with ‘just’ friends on occasion. That’s just something I think you might find useful to look into, not a diagnosis as such.
I wouldn’t say I didn’t want to be with any of my boyfriends, but I did feel trapped quite often and had that “this will end” feeling you described. I was more scared about what was going on, because I was just confused so much. There was rarely any feeling of connection for me.
All that said, if I had to live my life over but could make different choices, there’s only one person I’d still choose to date out of everyone I got with.

[MsLady]

Are you at all interested in the same sex? Perhaps, curious? If not, I'd look into the attachment theory, as well.

What was your childhood like?

[RavenGirl1990]

Originally Posted by MsLady

Are you at all interested in the same sex? Perhaps, curious? If not, I'd look into the attachment theory, as well.

What was your childhood like?

Hi,

Ok, I can do that. Well I have dated both men and women. I really didn’t feel an emotional connection to either gender. Well my childhood, I was close to my brothers, in my real early years, I always wanted to be around them. My sister and I would play Barbies. We didn’t interact much. My dad worked and traveled a lot out of town. He always said my mom raised us 60% of the time. My mom worked night shift when I was in grade school, so she slept a lot in the day. My parents would fight, same with my brothers, my parents almost got a divorce. I also had a lot of medical trauma in my early years of childhood.

How do I go about looking into attachment theory? Any good places online you can recommend?

[MsLady]

How do I go about looking into attachment theory?

Therapist?

[Rive.]

Are you talking about friendships as well as romantic relationships?

Some people are fine on their own and are not particularly interested in forming relationships or companionship. If this is not something you want to pursue, you don't have to force yourself to do so.

If it is troubling you or causes issues, then you can explore in therapy.

[RavenGirl1990]

Originally Posted by Rive.

Are you talking about friendships as well as romantic relationships?

If it is troubling you or causes issues, then you can explore in therapy.

I am talking about romantic relationships and also friendships.

[Bill3]

A nice introduction:

Which of These Four Attachment Styles Is Yours? - Scientific American

[herbal tea]

I don't think you need to be diagnosed. Most likely you just haven't met your love yet. It happens that someone falls in love for the first time at 16 and someone at 40. There is no norm when this should happen.
Probably your time has not come yet.
if this worries you very much and you want more detailed answers, then consult a psychologist. That should help you.
But first of all, stop thinking that something is wrong with you. Everyone has a different destiny.

[RoxanneToto]

You’re entitled to your opinion, but I respectfully disagree.
I’ve had several boyfriends/crushes and felt very similar while I was dating/hanging around all of them - which I think is the same case with OP. Most people don’t talk about their relationships like we are in this thread, either - they tend to have more issues with fair compromise and being treated well. Not lack of emotional connection on their part that they don’t understand. If there really wasn’t anything wrong, which isn’t my opinion, we would have been able to properly settle for at least one person by now, instead of always having a foot out of the door, or feeling something extreme when there’s nothing wrong.