[lovethesun]

My brother in law has been sick with Covid since Halloween. He was extremely fatigued along with some bad respiratory symptoms. As of last week, he was still sick. His daughter also was sick with Covid. He started to feel better over this past weekend and was retested for Covid yesterday and tested negative. His daughter also was negative on a re-test. My mother in law who is 77 and not in great health is going to his house in a couple days to spend Thanksgiving. My brother in law thinks that since he had a negative test there is no risk to her. I strongly disagreed, my husband relayed our concern to him and he took offense and said it was in fact safe and he doesn't appreciate being accused of putting their elderly mother at risk. I think my brother in law is being very selfish and ignorant. The real problem is that my mother in law expects to come to our house for Christmas 3 weeks after leaving my brother in law's house. I told my husband his mother can not come for Christmas. He agreed but I can tell he feels bad about it. I also feel bad about it as she is a lonely elderly woman, but I don't feel I should put my family at risk from a known Covid exposure. She is making the decision to go to my brother in law's house in spite of his recent and prolonged illness. And she has a right to do what she wants, but I have a right to control who comes in and out of my house and I don't want my family put at risk. Am I being unreasonable? Thank you for your help.

[divine1966]

You aren’t being unreasonable.

[littleblackdog]

Originally Posted by lovethesun

The real problem is that my mother in law expects to come to our house for Christmas 3 weeks after leaving my brother in law's house. I told my husband his mother can not come for Christmas. He agreed but I can tell he feels bad about it. I also feel bad about it as she is a lonely elderly woman, but I don't feel I should put my family at risk from a known Covid exposure.

I understand your concerns, but the incubation period for COVID-19 is up to 14 days and so, if it has been 3 weeks since your MIL was potentially exposed and she has not had any symptoms then it should be safe.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by littleblackdog

I understand your concerns, but the incubation period for COVID-19 is up to 14 days and so, if it has been 3 weeks since your MIL was potentially exposed and she has not had any symptoms then it should be safe.

In our state things are bad and we were recommended to not have family gatherings with people you don’t live together or a least regularly see. So no it’s not safe

[Rive.]

I wouldn't risk it as I would not feel it safe.

False negatives have been reported. Why risk someone else's life

[littleblackdog]

Originally Posted by divine1966

In our state things are bad and we were recommended to not have family gatherings with people you don’t live together or a least regularly see. So no it’s not safe

Fair enough - my country is in lockdown so I can't currently see my family at all.
I was just addressing the comment that it will have been three weeks since the OPs MIL was potentially exposed to COVID from her son (though of course she could be exposed to the virus from anyone else she is on contact with during those 3 weeks unless she isolates).

[rechu]

I see you are in the US. From what I see on the news from there, it sounds like gatherings for Thanksgiving and Christmas are not advised in general since things are so out of control there. I think it's completely reasonable to not want visitors, even if the BIL is probably not contagious. I'd tell her you are following the health guidelines.

[lovethesun]

Regarding the restrictions on gatherings for the holidays, you all are correct. Our governor just issued an order saying no more than 10 people gathered for Thanksgiving and only people you live with. Further restrictions are coming with rumors of a total shut down of 6 weeks. And thank you for the suggestion to advise my mother in law to not come due to the guidelines. I think that is a great idea. It is true and it is less harsh of an explanation than saying "you can't come because you were with the brother in law".

[lovethesun]

I'm also going to be paying really close attention to the first week or so of December. That would be the time my mother in law would develop symptoms if infected. And she's in for a bad go of it if she gets infected. She's 77 years old, 50% blocked arteries in heart and breathing problems. The fact that she is going to my BIL's house right on the heals of a 3 week Covid infection is the height of stupidity. I just don't get it.

[fantome]

If you're uncomfortable with it, I don't think it's unreasonable. You should be able to do what you feel is best for your family, even if other people disagree.

[Have Hope]

You're not being unreasonable. Our family is not spending Christmas OR Thanksgiving together. My father is older and is fragile health-wise, we have a large-ish family, and we don't want any risk of exposure. I think it's perfectly reasonable to try and keep family members (and all others) free from any possible exposure. It's the responsible thing to do.

[RoxanneToto]

I wouldn’t - as another poster mentioned, your mother in law can still catch the virus from someone else and unless/until the virus can be brought under control in your country, properly, it’s better to take reasonable precautions.
You’re not being unreasonable in wanting to minimise your family’s potential exposure, especially considering how unpredictable the virus’ effects have been on individuals in general.

[MsLady]

Is it possible to have a talk with her? Maybe alternate the holidays.. have her spend Thanksgiving with your family and Christmas with his? That way she'll still be surrounded by family during the holidays and everyone is safe.

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by MsLady

Is it possible to have a talk with her? Maybe alternate the holidays.. have her spend Thanksgiving with your family and Christmas with his? That way she'll still be surrounded by family during the holidays and everyone is safe.

Thanks for this idea Ms. Lady. I suggested this idea to my husband and he did not present it to my mother in law. He just flat out told me that his mother is not coming to our house, period. He said he can't tell his brother who to have or not to have over at his house. I personally think my husband is being a coward and just because he is afraid to suggest an alternate plan to his own brother, his mother may suffer greatly as a result. It's a truly sad situation. I'd have no problem what so ever telling one of my siblings that a plan should be changed if our mother's health was at risk. This is where my husband and I differ. I'd love to pick up the phone and tell my brother in law our idea of switching the holiday, but my husband won't let me. I think it's cause he knows that I won't take any ***** from his brother and i'd end up telling his brother off.

[herbal tea]

I understand your concern and you have reasons to worry about. And if you think you need to do just that, and your family agrees, then do it.

I would have done differently. It seems to me that 3 weeks is enough to understand whether your mother is ill or not. I wouldn't leave her alone for Christmas. Of course you have to be careful, but you can get infected anywhere.

But this is my opinion, and you can do as you wish

[divine1966]

Our governor made a speech that as important as a family gathering might be, do you want to live with guilt that this was the last holiday party person attended.

I think protecting loved ones (including MIL) from illness and possible death is way more important than a holiday party. This is pandemics.

[Bill3]

I don't think she should come at all.

[Nammu]

The problem is it’s being spread by people with no symptoms. You can get it the day after you take a test have no symptoms and give it to someone who can get seriously ill or die. Why risk a family

[sarahsweets]

The CDC has changed their guidelines and are asking all people to stay home. If someone isnt a part of your immediate household you are supposed to not get together with them. If you havent interacted with someone in the last 14 days you are not supposed to be with them. It doesnt matter who had covid or not, there are plenty of ways to carry it or spread it asymptomatically. I hope people listen.

[poshgirl]

Here in England we have to wait until Thursday to get details of post lockdown do's and don'ts.

This evening Mother phones me to say that we've been invited to my brother and sister-in-law's house for Christmas lunch. The pandemic is not the only issue with this (see My sister-in-law lashed out at me). My mother can see no problem with the invitation although she's viewing it from the family rift situation, not the pandemic. At 85, with health problems, would have thought the last thing she wanted to do was spend time in another house (she's not visited them for at least 8 months because of lockdowns/restrictions and who knows who's been there in the meantime). Also, my aunt has invited us for day after and to stay the night. So that's a trip to another house, again in possible breach of new rules.

Mother and I have successfully worked through two lockdowns, forming a "support bubble". Putting the other issues aside, brother and sis-in-law are hypocritical. Haven't been to visit Mother; sis-in-law said it was "for her benefit", yet suddenly they've hit on this fantastic idea to invite us to lunch. Then there's sis-in-law's problem with hygiene (she often doesn't wash hands after visiting toilet!)

Am I alone in thinking this is ill thought out?

[Prycejosh1987]

I would think its okay as long as the husband stays safe. You also should stay safe and listen to the government. Its not good to go to someones house when they have covid, at least not until they recover. Wear a mask, and have antibacterial gel, and make sure distance is kept.

[sarahsweets]

I feel very strongly about this: No one has any business getting together with non-household members over the holidays right now. No matter if its the US or UK or wherever. It is not safe and it is not fair to those who could get sick and to the hospital workers that are already overwhelmed. In the US the CDC and individual states have warned against all gatherings and travel. Many states have reinstituted shelter in place orders. People need to get a grip. Its not like there will be no more holidays in the future. Its just for this year.

[Nammu]

Good post ^^^

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Prycejosh1987

I would think its okay as long as the husband stays safe. You also should stay safe and listen to the government. Its not good to go to someones house when they have covid, at least not until they recover. Wear a mask, and have antibacterial gel, and make sure distance is kept.

As long as the husband stays safe? What do you mean?