Need support through leaving my abusive husband, please

divine1966 · Feb 05, 2021 at 11:22 AM

Omg I’d not give him a penny. What a cheap skate

Have Hope · Feb 05, 2021 at 11:24 AM

It's easier on me to just give him money for the TVs, the A/C unit he bought and for other things. I don't even care. As long as he's out of my life.

divine1966 · Feb 05, 2021 at 11:26 AM

Good point

Have Hope · Feb 05, 2021 at 11:41 AM

Yeah. I mean, he's now dropping off his key today after work. So that means we are done with each other and with communicating about anything anymore. All the rest can be done through our lawyers

divine1966 · Feb 05, 2021 at 11:51 AM

Great. It’s for the best

Have Hope · Feb 05, 2021 at 12:20 PM

Yes, it truly is! Now I just hope he doesn't try to pull any more crap on me such as pleading and texting at random. I need a fresh start with my new job... and no drama.

Have Hope · Feb 05, 2021 at 01:30 PM

Awesome. Just awesome. I am a complete emotional wreck today because of my a-hole husband fighting with me all morning, and I have a call this afternoon with my new boss in a half hour. I've been crying all morning and am still in tears. I am resentful right now that i have to speak with my boss on a day when I haven't even started working yet. I am a mess.

divine1966 · Feb 05, 2021 at 02:03 PM

You can do it. Try to think of a positive here

Have Hope · Feb 05, 2021 at 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

You can do it. Try to think of a positive here

Thanks, Divine.

OMG - I almost had a panic attack just before my call.

I managed to get through the call OK (I think). I expressed my enthusiasm and excitement and a few thoughts on starting out next week. Phew - thank God that's done.

RoxanneToto · Feb 05, 2021 at 03:12 PM

Glad to hear the call went well, in spite of everything. You’ve got this!

Have Hope · Feb 05, 2021 at 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

Glad to hear the call went well, in spite of everything. You’ve got this!

Thank you!

Have Hope · Feb 05, 2021 at 06:08 PM

I told him there is no reason for us to be in touch except for through lawyers from now on.

His response? WOW.

What does he think? I want to be friends with him now? After he's been such a crap husband, an abusive husband and what not?

divine1966 · Feb 05, 2021 at 06:52 PM

Even if he wasn’t abusive, there is nothing to talk to him about

Have Hope · Feb 05, 2021 at 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Even if he wasn’t abusive, there is nothing to talk to him about

True. But since he was abusive, there really is nothing.

sarahsweets · Feb 06, 2021 at 12:38 AM

You know what @HaveHope its totally sucky that he is this way after all of his nonsense. But please try really hard to focus on work when you start your job. I know you know this but a good way I am working on to control my obssessive worry about my daughter is to like schedule time to completely let myself just go "there" and worry, cry, rant, be angry all of it. But I also give myself a stop time. So I might tell myself from 6am-7 I can freak out about whatever is going on but by 730 I have to get up and dressed and do something I am supposed to do. It doesnt always work but it has sometimes.

Have Hope · 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

You know what @HaveHope its totally sucky that he is this way after all of his nonsense. But please try really hard to focus on work when you start your job. I know you know this but a good way I am working on to control my obssessive worry about my daughter is to like schedule time to completely let myself just go "there" and worry, cry, rant, be angry all of it. But I also give myself a stop time. So I might tell myself from 6am-7 I can freak out about whatever is going on but by 730 I have to get up and dressed and do something I am supposed to do. It doesnt always work but it has sometimes.

Thanks @sarahsweets. I will be able to focus on work. I have to - it's my job. I won't have any reason to be in touch with my husband, so it will make it far easier to get through the work day.

Have Hope · Feb 06, 2021 at 07:43 AM

So, I am freaking pissed off right now. I received the divorce agreement that my husband's lawyer drafted. It reads like my husband is the one filing for divorce, not me, even though we're supposed to be filing jointly and in mutual agreement. I am talking to my lawyer on Monday to get that revised to read differently. No way is my husband going to be the one filing for divorce, when I am the one who initiated it! When I confronted him, he lied about it and said he had no idea, when I know full well that he knew.

You may think this is a silly point to argue over, but it very much matters to me how the agreement reads. I don't want my husband then telling everyone that HE filed for divorce, which is how it looks now! F him. I am seething.

divine1966 · Feb 06, 2021 at 08:46 AM

The thing is that no one will ever see the divorce decree so he can tell people that he filed anyways. He will likely say it anyways, regardless what the paper says. He likely saying it now. He says he left you.

You have no control over what he will tell people plus everyone knows that who filed does not matter. It’s not always who initiated the divorce at all. It’s just legal language.

Of course his lawyer says he is filing for divorce. His lawyer wouldn’t say you are filing because he isn’t representing you. I never heard of jointly filing but maybe it’s being done when people get along. You two don’t see eye to eye (otherwise you’d be still married!) so doing things jointly will not work.

divine1966 · Feb 06, 2021 at 08:49 AM

Don’t pay for the items you keeping. He can put it in divorce agreement if he wants. What a joke. Items depreciate so bad they cost nothing now. People buy new TVs and other electronics every few years. Why is he charging you for it? I can buy you tv and coffee maker. Tell me where to send it. You don’t need to pay him at all. What a jerk

Have Hope · Feb 06, 2021 at 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

The thing is that no one will ever see the divorce decree so he can tell people that he filed anyways. He will likely say it anyways, regardless what the paper says. He likely saying it now. He says he left you.

You have no control over what he will tell people plus everyone knows that who filed does not matter. It’s not always who initiated the divorce at all. It’s just legal language.

Of course his lawyer says he is filing for divorce. His lawyer wouldn’t say you are filing because he isn’t representing you. I never heard of jointly filing but maybe it’s being done when people get along. You two don’t see eye to eye (otherwise you’d be still married!) so doing things jointly will not work.

Well, I am speaking about it nonetheless with my lawyer on Monday morning before I have to work. My husband can tell people whatever he wants, but I want the divorce agreement to accurately represent what is happening and it is a joint agreement - in my state, it's called a 1A no fault divorce where both parties agree that the marriage cannot be saved. It matters to me that in the paperwork, it's accurately represented. He can lie all he wants, but it will be a lie. We each will have a copy of the paperwork.. he can show that to anyone to prove he filed for divorce. I am not accepting that. Period.

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,482 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,279 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 11:22 AM #721 Omg I’d not give him a penny. What a cheap skate
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Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,126 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,641 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 11:24 AM #722 It's easier on me to just give him money for the TVs, the A/C unit he bought and for other things. I don't even care. As long as he's out of my life. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,482 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,279 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 11:26 AM #723 Good point
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Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,126 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,641 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 11:41 AM #724 Yeah. I mean, he's now dropping off his key today after work. So that means we are done with each other and with communicating about anything anymore. All the rest can be done through our lawyers __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,482 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,279 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 11:51 AM #725 Great. It’s for the best
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Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,126 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,641 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 12:20 PM #726 Yes, it truly is! Now I just hope he doesn't try to pull any more crap on me such as pleading and texting at random. I need a fresh start with my new job... and no drama. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,482 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,279 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 02:03 PM #728 You can do it. Try to think of a positive here
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RoxanneToto Grand Poohbah Member Since Aug 2020 Location: England Posts: 1,692 3 6,991 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 03:12 PM #730 Glad to hear the call went well, in spite of everything. You’ve got this!
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,482 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,279 hugs given	Feb 05, 2021 at 06:52 PM #733 Even if he wasn’t abusive, there is nothing to talk to him about
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,482 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,279 hugs given	Feb 06, 2021 at 08:49 AM #739 Don’t pay for the items you keeping. He can put it in divorce agreement if he wants. What a joke. Items depreciate so bad they cost nothing now. People buy new TVs and other electronics every few years. Why is he charging you for it? I can buy you tv and coffee maker. Tell me where to send it. You don’t need to pay him at all. What a jerk
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