[What_the_hell]

A month ago I met a guy who helped me in a critical situation. After about two weeks after spending looots of time with him and talking about everything in a friendly way - including relationships, where he told me he was a polyamorous person - , we became intimate. It was done in spirit of exploration for me, because I am not usually attracted to men but suddenly felt chemistry with him.

Shortly after I expressed to him that I don't function as a friend with benefits and am not looking for something casual (that's the vibe i got from him) and that it might be better for us to just stay friends. He said he understood but wouldn't mind 'something with me at all' and that it'd be a monogamous dynamic for now cause he isn't seeing anyone atm, 'not like me at least', whatever that means. Yet the vibe I get from him IS totally casual, and i don't see it going anywhere. I really want to communicate that to him and go back to the friends only level but I am afraid. I wish someone esle could just do it instead of me haha.
A part of me also wants to 'give it more time' and see where it goes since it's such a new dynamic AND I definitely caught feelings. However, I do find myself anxious and this situation has been an energy-drain to me.
ANy advice appreciated! I

[divine1966]

If you feel he isn’t looking for the same thing as you, then just be direct. If you aren’t comfortable telling him that you jusf friendship, I recommend you tell him that you just not up to dating at the moment. Maybe it’s not truthful but if you only knew him for a month you don’t owe him an explanation

[Open Eyes]

A relationship isn't supposed to be a drain on you. You have suffered emotional abuse already so that can put you at risk for engaging in another relationship that can once again result in your being emotionally manipulated. Often being afraid to express your feelings comes from experiencing another person or persons that failed to consider and respect your feelings and treated you badly for having feelings.

It's important to understand what this guy means when he says he is not monogomus. This means should he find himself attracted to another female, he will expect you to go along with it while he persues a relationship with this other person. So basically this means you are required to live your life around his needs. Considering your history that isn't a healthy thing for you to do. Instead you need to experience someone that can actually respect your needs and feelings.

[MsLady]

Originally Posted by What_the_hell

He said he understood but wouldn't mind 'something with me at all' and that it'd be a monogamous dynamic for now cause he isn't seeing anyone atm, 'not like me at least', whatever that means. Yet the vibe I get from him IS totally casual, and i don't see it going anywhere. I really want to communicate that to him and go back to the friends only level but I am afraid.

A part of me also wants to 'give it more time' and see where it goes since it's such a new dynamic AND I definitely caught feelings. However, I do find myself anxious

Why are you afraid and anxious if you consider him a friend? I'd also be careful with sharing too much information about yourself with someone you just met.

It may be he's interested in keeping you as a "filler" until someone else comes along.