[hopeless2015]

So I guess to make a long story short my childhood best friend has really been struggling with her drinking, she's gotten into a habit of only calling when she's been drinking and I finally today, when she called at 8 a.m and had obviously been drinking and admitted when asked that she been drinking told her I would talk to her later and hung up. She just messaged me upset and I told her I loved her but that I just can't start my day that way anymore. She calls yelling, slurring her words etc. Now, she is not yelling at me but about her asshat husband. BUT, it's the same rant, same fight they have been having for like 3 years and I'm not exaggerating. It's a horrible, toxic relationship. I feel like a **** human right now but I also feel like I have the right to set that boundary. I want to be there for her I HAVE been there for her but it's extremely upsetting to take those calls I also have my own mental health and addiction issues that I walk a fine line with and this all so triggering. She messaged me that she would never bother me again.

Also, she never asks about me..how am I doing. Actually, she did just ask me a few weeks ago how my stepdad was doing and he had passed away a year ago and she didn't even remember he had died, honestly that was kind of a huge eye opener for me.

Whew, that didn't up being so short after all huh. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Just sad about the whole thing and feeling like a terrible friend.

[hopeless2015]

Crap, I can't remember how to put a trigger warning on this!!!

[Open Eyes]

If you are trying to work on your own addiction issues and want to improve your life then you have to distance from others who engage in alcoholism and addictions and using these methods to cope. First this is NOT coping but choosing to engage in denial. And also escaping responsibility.

In order for you to commit to taking responsibility for your life you need to be with others that are doing the same and support you while you learn to face your life and grow as a person. Alcoholics do NOT understand true friendship and they lack boundaries and ability to accept criticism. It’s hard to see someone who has been a friend have this problem. Yet it’s simply not appropriate for this friend to put this burden on you.

Alcohol is no cure for depression as it is a depressant. Alcohol use does NOT aide in solving problems but instead creates problems. No person actually FUNCTIONS with alcohol use, especially not alcohol dependency.

Your friend has relationship problems because she doesn’t function normally in relationships while using alcohol. And she doesn’t respect your boundaries and she is not being your friend. It’s ok to tell her she needs to stop drinking and using you. That is what she is choosing to do. That is the lifestyle choice of an alcoholic.

[Bill3]

Open Eyes said: It’s ok to tell her she needs to stop drinking and using you. That is what she is choosing to do.

Yes!

She messaged me that she would never bother me again.....Just sad about the whole thing and feeling like a terrible friend.

You are not a terrible friend. She is using emotional blackmail, which is when she makes you hurt emotionally if you don't do what she wants. You could read up on it.

[hopeless2015]

Thank you both for your comments. I truly appreciate it!

[hopeless2015]

And I will read up on emotional blackmail

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Crap, I can't remember how to put a trigger warning on this!!!

Just so you know how to do triggers:
I am going to leave spaces so you see...

EX: " I dont like this"

[trigger] blah blah......

end of sentence: [ /trigger]]
So I will put periods in between lest it turns out to be a trigger:

[.trigger] Trigger warning .....)

[./trigger] at the end of the sentence

Beginning [.trigger]

no periods I just stuck them in to show you. Hope that makes sense.
end [/.trigger]

[Rive.]

You are not a terrible friend.

It seems like a one-sided relationship where it's all about her. This is not a healthy relationship. You are right to set boundaries.

You also deserve to have someone be there and & focus on you, for a change.

[hopeless2015]

Thanks again for your comments. And reminding me how tge triggers work!

I'm doing some research on my end and wrestling with the guilt. I haven't heard from her and I haven't reached out either...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Yes!


You are not a terrible friend. She is using emotional blackmail, which is when she makes you hurt emotionally if you don't do what she wants. You could read up on it.

[herbal tea]

I think your friend is just using you. She demands support from you but instead does not offer her support to you. It's selfish and you don't have to put up with it.
Those people who only create problems and complicate life cannot be friends. Friendship should bring joy and satisfaction.
I understand that you feel guilty, but you have nothing to blame yourself for.
Do what is best for yourself and don't let other people poison your life

[Open Eyes]

I'm doing some research on my end and wrestling with the guilt.

When someone decides to put the effort into living their life sober part of that healing means setting boundaries to protect their own effort. So, that means disconnecting with friends that still engage in alcohol use. You need to focus on YOUR life and that means changing the people you associate with so as not to get sucked back into the lifestyle you are trying to change. It's better to surround yourself with others who understand the challenge and can support and respect your efforts to make this important change in your life.

[hopeless2015]

Thanks again!!