Cuckolded

My fiancé at the time and I were trying to have a baby for years with no luck, we weren’t doing well and she cheated and got pregnant by accident with protection with one try. Now she’s having his baby but still wants to be with me and he will be in the picture to some extent..... this is my only chance for a family with the women I love but I don’t know what to do... help 😞

Leave her before you lose your dignity. That's just one step from drowning.

Whoa - that is really messed up. Why would you do that to yourself?

That is up to you to decide, but personally i feel like she did a bad thing. Please do consider what to do. So Sorry you are in this predictament. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Yourself, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

How is your relationship going now? Have you both worked it out e.g. what if your relationship goes through another rough patch, will infidelity be on the cards (for either one of you?)

Does she love you? Is she regretful re her infidelity? If so, it could work.

It’s a tough spot to be in for sure, we are on speaking terms and so want to figure something out. We still love each other, as much as we can right now anyway, and want to work out something at the very least. But the guy that got her pregnant is not an great guy and definitely won’t be leaving her alone ever and will probably make life harder for no real reason. She says she doesn’t want his baby but she does want a baby, and she is worried that aborting this one due to health problems she won’t ever get another chance... also I’m unable as well so this really is the only way we were ever going to have a family but I don’t know if this will be worth the heart break and soul crushing realizations....

Why is this your only option for a baby? You can adopt, foster, artificial inseminate... do not enter into a marriage without a great deal of self examination on all topics, but this one first and foremost. You say he’s a bad guy. Do you want to be attached to that forever? What if he does stick around the baby and when he has it fills the child’s head with lies and tears you down? Will you ever trust your wife to not cheat again, or even not cheat with the man she shares the child with? You also have to be real with yourself. Will you not only hold animosity against her or even worse the child to some degree?

Obviously the only one who can decide is you, and I do believe sometimes something good can come from absolute garbage. That being said I am a year and 4 months out of finding out my wife of 23 years and mother to my 4 kids had a 18-19 month affair that was off and on with a guy who we have since discovered is the worst of the worst as a human being (and I am not saying this loosely). I love her more than anyone in this world and still fight with myself inside about divorcing everyday. Intimacy for me has died. Even kissing at times when it happens I pull back and get disgusted. Honestly if I was in your shoes I’d thank God I wasn’t married to her already and I’d wish her well as genuinely and kindly as possible and go heal without dating anyone else until you are physically, spiritually and mentally solid. I hope you find your answer and heal either way and live a life of happiness.

What you have to ask yourself is: how are you going to handle seeing this baby every single day, knowing that the baby is not yours, but was born from an infidelity with another man? Are you going to be able to accept this heart wrenching reality, and still love your fiance and the baby, or are you going to feel bitterness and be in turmoil over it on a daily basis?

Honestly, I don’t know, the arts what I’m struggling with. I keep bouncing back and forth, but without me she will be a single mother and I don’t want that for her. But also yes I don’t know if I could ever be ok with the situation being a constant reminder that not only is it not my kid but it never will be...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yourself Honestly, I don’t know, the arts what I’m struggling with. I keep bouncing back and forth, but without me she will be a single mother and I don’t want that for her. But also yes I don’t know if I could ever be ok with the situation being a constant reminder that not only is it not my kid but it never will be...

If you decide to stay with her, you can always adopt the baby & make it YOURS. Don't get hung up on whose baby it is. If you are unwilling/unable to make this into your own family then maybe she is better off being a single mother

Why isn't she marrying him? I also have to challenge the 'just once' and 'protection' parts...

Once she didn’t have to hide him anymore she realized she only wanted to **** him and nothing more. He wants to be with her but she doesn’t want to be with him anymore but in my opinion it’s to fucjing late for that kind of thinking and she shouldn’t expect anything from me ever.

Ton of men raise children who aren’t theirs biologically and they don’t love them any less. People love adopted children just the same. My grandfather raised my mom as his but she wasn’t biologically his. But he was the only father

The issue is if you raise this child as yours but biological father comes back in to the picture and demands his rights. Does this man want to be a father to this child? Sadly you might not be a father if he wants to take that role

It won't be easy but as long as you and your wife love each other, stand as a united front and set good boundaries, he should not be able to mess things up

It's a matter of deciding what you both want. It is worth thinking hard about it, even getting counselling if need be.

My concern is having a baby just because of a sense of urgency or desperation. Have a baby because you both genuinely just want a baby and want to love a baby... not because you may not be able to conceive if this one is terminated.

She cheated on him and now she's gonna have a baby with that man - you know that, right?

Some people stay together. And some raise other people’s children. Many different things happen in people’s lives.

He loves her and they both want to make it work, you got that right?

@rive Not really. They both want to make it work by having a child the woman got from ******* another man. I don't get it at all. How's that work?

Let's make it work. Twenty years from now our lovely son is gonna ask about how did he get here. "Oh, mommy had an affair and then you were born, but I thought it's okay, cuz why not?". Are you serious right now?

No we aren’t having his baby just because, after years of trying I discovered I can’t have kids. We are talking and trying to figure something out because this is now the only way we can have what we’ve always wanted. I do love her and she does love me, life just dealt us ****** cards and I really want to make the best of the situation... but obviously there’s going to be a ton of work to do and a lifetime of uneasiness about the future...

I don’t think you can love someone and cheat on them, sorry. Many couples do stay together after infidelity, but I’ve yet to hear of any who are genuinely happy and get the level of trust they had, back. It’s still up to the OP to decide, of course, but I think staying is going to hurt him more than leaving in the long run.
What you say about people raising/loving their non biological children is true, nonetheless. But obviously it’s the circumstances surrounding the child here that will be the biggest issue.