Online friendships: I give up

Yes, that's flaky alright. Doesn't sound like fun.

And fair enough, you should take care of your heart and I hope you will meet people worthy of it.

I honestly find it curious how you befriend all these strangers in online forums up to the point to Skyping often and trying to continue these friendships for years.

I am not saying you can’t make friends online (maybe one or a couple) but it seems like a very high number of people.

None of my friends have these type of online friendships with people they’ve never met. I have friends who live far but they or I moved and keep friendships. It’s different.

Also with these high number of online people how do you keep this regular communication and expect them to regularly respond (you aren’t ok with occasional catching up). Is it possible they just can’t keep up with your expectation of regular correspondence? How is it physically possible?

Is it possible you created these friendships when you were lonely and perhaps not very busy with things happening in real life and they were in the same boat but then it changed, life interfered. I can’t imagine Skyping to whole bunch of online people. There’s only 24 hours in a day.

When pandemics slow down I’d focus on cultivating couple of in person friendships and try to find fulfilling activities in your life and perhaps resume therapy. These online friendships don’t seem to work out with the expectation you have. It sounds more stress than it’s worth

It's not a ton of people that I've befriended online. Just a few! And yes, it was during a lonelier time in my life and during a major hardship that I formed these so called friendships.

I will definitely focus more on my IRL friendships. I just cannot rely on online friends anymore, or so I've learned. And yes, perhaps it's my own expectations that are in the way, but I am who I am and I cannot change that.

It hurts when people do that. If you've only exchanged a few emails though, it's common to just disappear instead of just telling people directly that they don't think that they have much in common with you. I usually give people a reason if I stop talking to them, but only if I think that they won't end up getting upset with me. I think that people are afraid of how the other person will react to being rejected.

All of us do that, online or irl. When we don’t feel a connection with the other person we don’t go ahead with this contact.

If you guys and gals, knew how many times I have been rejected as a good company, especially irl, but we cannot have a good connection with everybody.
People have their needs and preferences.
I’m socially awkward so I can’t expect to be the apple of many people eyes. It takes to me a long time to make a friendship and mainly there are based of things we share in common(specially ideas and a way to face life and situations). It’s not easy online or irl.

I have contact with different people because I have two doggies and I socialised myself with the owners, well, I seldom feel comfortable with them. Only a few exceptions. Does it mean the others are inadequate . No, it doesn’t. Only, there is this guy who is more happy-lucky than me and more extrovert and get on better with my partner, there is the woman who is always talking about herself and how special she and her dog is and doesn’t let me to say a word. Then, there is this kind lady or this kind man who share with me about themselves because they trust me. They feel comfortable with me.
Then, there is this other girl who quickly invited me to visit her to her cottage, very extrovert and a lover of animals like me, but I couldn’t go so fast to share place and holidays with another person.

So, you see as my reaction is different with people the same as their reactions are different with me. The same happen with you. Only different is that you, Hope, are more open and extrovert with people than me. This is good. It gives you the opportunity to meet more people than me, but don’t forget that maybe they are not in the same flow as you. Any relation is a taken and given, it’s a double direction and if you don’t feel correspond or the other person doesn’t feel correspond, there will no equality. No respect, no connection.

@AzulOscuro, I know this already, but thanks....

One woman who ghosted me came back three years later, telling me she was ashamed to admit she was having a really hard time. I could not forgive her for ghosting me three years ago, as this hurt me tremendously.

And what I am talking about is GHOSTING someone, after months or even years of communications. Not just deciding that someone is not the best fit and letting the friendship die on its own. I am talking about literally abandoning someone who has been a good friend.... I was a very good friend to the people I am talking about, and I certainly did not deserve to be ghosted in the cruel manner that I was - I deserved better than that.

Ghosting in my particular situation was very cruel. I can understand ghosting when not much of a connection was established, but not when a true friendship has been established.

I understand it.
It’s hard to know who is a true friend and who isn’t. As much as you have gone deep down in this relation. Ignoring someone is harsh and mean however it’s something that is easier to do for some people, online.

I was thinking. Each case is different. There are other options for someone else goes distance. Maybe, you did something that bothered the other person or (s)he did something that in his/her mind could have bothered you and this person doesn’t dare to talk. Each person is a whole world. People can get bothered by the most insignificant things and you went all eyebrows up without a clue as to what happened.

To be honest, I'm long over it...

I want to thank you, have hope, for starting this thread. It helped me so much to read everyone's experiences with friendships. I'm unable to form friendships. I'm an introvert and not much of a talker so I'm boring to be around. Also I'm in an isolated situation so there aren't people to connect with anyway.
I think I have anti-charisma. My father was the same. I was feeling pretty desperate until I read this thread and felt that there are others who feel like I do. So. Thank you.

Sometimes, charisma is only good for messing up around. Each person is different and not all have to be bubbly and outgoing to enjoy true friendship. Many times you can connect with people because they have other attributes as being honest, being good people, trustworthy, a good listener.
Please, try to take it out of your mind that about you not having charisma. I’m sure you have lots of good qualities, only you can’t see them.

Maybe your problem is more about you being isolated and not having the opportunity to relate with other people.

I’m an introvert, social awkward, social phobic, full of insecurities but still I have a couple of people I can call true friends. It’s not easy being an introvert. I understand it. And these times we are living in seems to be hostile for many people to bound strong connections, because many people is so focussed on their own struggles and the demanding imposed by our current society that it seems we are less connected, we have less time and you know, too much engaged with our own matters.
Don’t lose hope.

My point in this thread is that each case is different. I made two strong online connections and I have been knowing one of this person for eleven years and another for five. We had have our arguments (I’m not an easy-going person) but in the end, they showed me how good persons they are.

The only thing that is different with people you know online is that if there isn’t a good friendship, it’s easier for the other person to cut you off by simply ignoring you or blocking you up. In the end, you are not gonna rush with this person in the street, at work or wherever.