Shame clouds my chance of friendships

As a 7 or 8 year old I was shamed for being curious about others and if boys were like me. No one talked about sex education, or reproductive system, or even what a good or healthy relationship looks and feels like. Now years later I've lived with shame in complete darkness, and afraid or rather terrified of others placing guilt on me and then I feel shame. That fear had kept me from creating relationships, even friendships. Instead to feel connected I turned to sex with people I barely know.

All of the shame has influenced my depression. And I've missed out on a pleasant life. I have no idea what to do. I have talked with my therapist, but he can't do everything for me. I'm lost at what to do and how to heal. Any suggestions are welcome.

There is a book ....start where you are....I forgot the name of the author. Try Google. See if it is helpful for you.I also feel I don't know who I am.What are my likes or dislikes.There is nothing that describes me as a person.Just trauma after trauma for years and the coping and survival along with grief and sorrow.I am trying to know myself and heal.it's tough.I hope you feel better.

Update on name of the author.........It is Pema chodron.

i am afraid i don't have much to suggest other than keep working with your therapist and to not give up Hope. It takes time to get over this kind of thing i suppose, but that doesn't mean that you can't do it so i'd say just try to take small steps with going out with other people and such. Sorry if this post isn't really helpful, unfortunately i am not really sure what to add. Sorry about that! i agree with the wise and wonderful Mendingmysoul about buying some self-help books as well. Give it a try if you feel like they may help. Hugs. Please be kind to yourself. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @puzzclar, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!