[seeker1950]

Actually, I think it's a crock, but in my naive wish to meet someone, I have joined. There is "guided communication" there, where you answer pat questions thru several rounds, vs. "fast track," where someone contacts you directly. I just go a "fast track" response from a man who only wrote, "I am free. How free are thee?" How stupid!!! I would think someone would at least introduce themselves properly! And this man is a doctor! Needless to say, I didn't respnd
This is silly of me to think I could meet someone like this.
Patty

[sunrise]

seeker, I have a friend who had success on e harmony. They have been going out for a few years now and just got engaged. They are both very happy.

[bebop]

don't lose hope! maybe he has a good sense of humor? my cousin met her now hubby on eharmony. very happy together. good luck hon.

[seeker1950]

I responded to this "match" by asking him for a proper introduction, and he "closed" our communication.
I'm too cynical for this kind of stuff!
Patty

[bebop]

good for you hon! stick to your values. it will happen.

[sabby]

One thing to remember on sites like that Patty is to not take things personally. Everyone has their own ways about them and sooner or later, you will find someone to converse with and if nothing else may find a good friend Remember, things happen for a reason...you joining happened for a reason....him closing communications with you happened for a reason...follow my drift here?

Rest...relax and have some fun with it


sabby

[Perna]

You may or may not meet Prince Charming. I'm sure there are other people on there like you, looking for someone to get to know. Its image on TV ads isn't exactly one of raucous good times but more sedate meet and get to know?

I was part of a woman's group though 2-3 springs ago and was surprised and it was one of the reasons I left; most of the women were single and the whole group got into where to go and how to meet guys and it was the worst-sounding meat market sort of things I'd ever heard. The woman who was doing most of the "partying" was cruel, I thought, she'd arrive late to an in-person meeting and check the guy out first and if she didn't like his looks, she just wouldn't "show up"! But everyone else thought this was a wonderful tactic. The married group leader, an MSW, didn't have a lifestyle/ethics like mine either; she signed up at one of the online dating places just to see what they were like and to see what kind of guys would contact her, etc. But once the one woman started showing up (was different the first 4-5 meeting) the whole group experience changed so I didn't feel like I fit in.

The only thing about E-Harmony ads that bother me are all the references to "it was love at first sight!" stuff. I'd want a relationship and lots of talk and getting to know the other person, etc. first. Seems people try to rush getting to know others these days; speed dating, online, instant "I'm free, how about you?" etc.

[seeker1950]

Yes, I would want some communication, correspondence, etc. I did this online thing before, and said I'd never do it again...too much like throwing a hook into the vast ocean and pulling out who knows what kind of monster!
My observation is that men don't want to waste time talking or corresponding...they're in a hurry, and can't waste time getting to know someone. Maybe my experiences have made me too cautious, but at this stage in my life, my principles are well-established, and I ain't no fool.

Your women's group setting themselves up in a "meat-markety" way sounds pretty sad and self-abasing to me.
There's a singles' group in Charleston, which I've never attended, but a male acquaintance told me that the men there put "knotches in their belts" for all the women they take to bed in the group!
Patty

[AAAAA]

Seeker1950,

There was a really nice write up about the founder of eharmony in Readers Digest this month. My cousin also met her husband on eharmony. I scoffed at the time.

I guess I'm a little old fashioned. When my husband was in the military we'd see people meet, marry and divorce all within a matter of months. I could understand how you could marry someone you just met. I am also of the firm belief (*ducks to miss swing*) you cannot meet your partner in a bar. I've never seen anything good coming from a relationship that started in a bar.

BUT I have to say that my cousin has been with the man she met through eharmony for several years. They've been married for three years and seem like a really good fit. They're young and have already gone through some of the big things that would break a weaker couple up. Her mother is manipulative and psychotic and she went and stayed with them from Thanksgiving until after New Year's. The mom did everything she could to break them up and they're still together. That combined with the fact that he was able to endure the woman in his house with a smile on his face because she is his MIL tells me that man is a keeper.

Maybe the next man will be better. You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince. Good Luck!

[curley]

Hey Seeker, if you have yahoo, it is they have personals and it is not like the cheesy eharmony site and the others that brag about meeting THE RIGHT One!!! You can just meet friends in the personals too, no pressure for commitment on that site!

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Curly, but, you know, I"ve been single for over 10 years now, and tried all of the others at one time or another for very short spurts, so I'm familiar with them.. My observation is that many of the same fellas are on there perpetually...meaning many years (at least in my age group!)....
I think I made a mistake doing this again, even on Eharmony!
Right now I"m attempting to quit smoking (for the umpteenth time!) as well as starting to exercise finally once again after 4 years of couch potato-ing.
I had a girlfriend who told me one time, if she got divorced- single again, she would find a BIG church and meet men there. I have gone to church, one I really like, but it's small, with mostly married folks much older than me !
At the same time, I like just going to church for the peace of mind it gives me without motives of meeting a man, so for now it's exercise, quit smoking and maybe spiritual fulfillment once again. The last fellow I dated, 4 years ago, scoffed at religion and I felt so embarrassed, I let it go for all this time...sad, isn't it!
Love
Patty

[fatamorrighan]

I didn't like E harmony...it seems to based on making money more than anything else. I found my way on my own and did fine. Now I am engaged, so I guess I did something right!

[Airway]

I took the free quiz at e-harmony just for fun and it told me I am un-datable!

[DocClyde]

LOL, Seeker, if I would of took that quiz Turtle took, it would of been a new 1906 San Francisco Fire

MACHINE to ME: "You answered WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT????"

[SpazKatt]

I dated 2 people from my church, which seemed to work out because we had similar values. Actually, although I'm engaged if anything ever happened to my fiance I might pursue this other person from church. My church has a singles group, maybe you could talk to your pastor about setting up something like that at yours?

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
I think a better way to meet new people (and potential partners) is to find an activity you love to do or have always wanted to try and then, go do it. In the process, you're bound to expand your horizons and meet some new people. In the end, you might not have met a compatible partner but you'll have learned something new and had fun without the pressure of "matching up to perfection" at first glance.

Keep in mind that you're not going to find many available men in a knitting circle, but you might find some sailing, at a political rally, an activist organization, a jazz club, a photography class, etc. Meantime, don't overlook the internet as a possible means of finding someone -- I know one woman who met her future husband at a site devoted to ham radio. Their shared interest brought them together and shared interest is the ground where compatability flourishes.