Terrible situation

My husband and I moved into this adorable little townhouse several years ago. We are surrounded by woods on 2 sides. We love this place. 3 years ago my elderly father moved in. No one else would take him and I'd just assume he stay here where I know he'll be safe. Plus he has great doctors and lousy knees.

We had a big blowup a few weeks ago when he got some guy to sell him a beat up piece of *#@$ car. We were livid. He's not supposed to drive - our rule - safety precaution. When my husband saw the car and realized that my dad went around behind our backs to do it, he told my dad to take it back. The guy who sold it to him came and got it. When my husband said he was gonna talk to my dad. I bowed out. I do not do confrontations very well...at all. I also didn't want to trigger my CPTSD, because once that happens, I'm not very nice to be around. Dad won't say anything to me when my husband's there, but shortly after he left for work at 2, my dad tried to call me. I turned the phone off. I was not emotionally equiped to deal with him at that time. Then he stood at the foot of the stairs hollering my name several times. The next thing I knew he was pounding on my door and I screamed at him to go away. He didn't. He was talking through the door but I didn't hear him because I kept screaming. I also opened my window and kicked out the screen. It was my only escape - on the second floor.

Hi Werewoman you shared this experience not long ago. Is this happening again or are you having a flashback?

So Sorry you have to deal with this! Please do not give up! i agree with the wise and wonderful Open Eyes in that i also remember this experience being posted a while ago but of course i may be mistaken. Are there any toher relatives or friends whom may be able to Help? Perhaps even atlernate with some of them if possible. Perhaps this is a bit much but if your father is quite old perhaps you may also consider a nursing home? i am not sure if that is possible or if you even want to. It depends on how you're able to deal with him and how willing he is to cooperare. Whatever you decide i Hope things will improve for everyone. Stay Safe. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Werewoman, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

You're probably right. I don't trust my memory anymore. It could be a flashback. Heck, it could be anything, but it was terrifying when he came upstairs and banged on the door. He doesn't normally do things like that.

For me there are two issues. The first being his getting the car without our knowledge, and the second being when he came upstairs after me..

He waited until my husband went to work and then he came after me. He wouldn't dare do it when my husband is there. Hubby is still angry about it, and I can barely speak to my dad at all ever since. I have CPTSD. I am locked in "frozen". I can't make myself go talk to him. When he triggered me, I panicked and shook and screamed. It's great fun.

I am sorry you had that bad experience. I struggle with ptsd myself and I can get triggered where it takes me time to figure what the trigger was and how it connected to a traumatic experience in my history. I have had to very patient with slowly identifying my triggers. It’s been a lot of work.

Also sometimes if one parent was abusive we may think the other parent was safe. Take one away and one can discover that’s not so much the case. And the parent left can be unhealthy and very triggering. Combine that with the parent aging and getting impatient and it can be very challenging.

It’s very important to have a safe place and demand that not be intruded on. It may be that you may need to have your father live in an assisted living place.

I'm certain the trigger was my dad's behavior. He was angry at my husband and seemed adamant that I believe him and not my husband. I don't know what was said between them.

I was in my safe place when my dad came after me. He knows better. He knows he's not supposed to.

How are you doing today Werewoman?

About the same. I am still frozen and terrified to speak to him. I don't know what else to do except wait it out.

I believe you. There are certain behaviors and scenarios that can trigger past trauma that can cause a ptsd episode. I can experience that myself. People that suffer from ptsd try to avoid things that can potentially set off one of these episodes.

Remember though that you are an adult now and when someone is being an azzhole it’s on them and not you. This is YOUR home and your father is just a guest. When your husband is there sit your father down and let him know that he is not allowed to disturb your home.

When someone chooses to bully then they need to know it’s not allowed.

Thank you! I really needed to hear that!

WW