Because I don't know where they are.

[Fuzzybear]

I think there are good people in the world to be friends with. Do you want to talk more?

[mssweatypalms]

I believe there are still some good people to be friends with. They are just very rare and hard to find. I'm having difficulties with this myself.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by mssweatypalms

I believe there are still some good people to be friends with. They are just very rare and hard to find. I'm having difficulties with this myself.

I agree, they are rare and hard to find

[seesaw]

So, I'm going to riff off here a little bit and maybe this will give you a different perspective, and if it's not helpful then just ignore it.

I have long held a belief that there are no good or bad people. There are just people who do good or bad things or have good or bad days.

Each of the people you come into contact with on a daily basis and throughout your life - they have each had their own internal struggles happening, their own responsibilities and obligations stressing them, and their own emotions to deal with.

Some people cannot treat others well when they are dealing with too many bad things in their lives, and they treat others poorly/badly. We are all human, and we all do this from time to time.

I am in my early 40s and still rebuilding my life after illness. I have found that a few old friends made it through the fire with me, but I've mostly had to make new friends. What is hard about that is when you try to develop a friendship, it really is about developing the relationship, the boundaries, parameters, and meeting each other's needs as friends. And, quite, honestly, it's been my experience that, in general, most people have a less than well-developed emotional intelligence. Therefore they have little interest in actually thinking if they are meeting their friend's needs or not.

True friendships are a challenge to develop because you have to be willing to develop emotional intimacy. And often people prefer to stay acquaintances because they don't have to take responsibility for what they do or how they might hurt you. This is where the good/bad things comes in.

I have embarked on a number of attempts to develop friendships with people who turned out to be people who did "bad" things to me and to others. My ex employee, who was a friend before she was an employee, has left a wake of destruction in her path her whole life. I could say she is a bad person. Rather I think she's someone who is centered on fulfilling her own needs. This doesn't make her good or bad as a person - it does make her a bad friend.

"Good friends are hard to find." This is the truest statement I've ever heard. I met my best friend here on PC. Developing our relationship has been a challenge but very rewarding. I've developed other friends in other places, but if you truly mean "a friend" and not just an acquaintance or buddy you share a hobby with, I think it's relatively normal to only have a few of these that you have a fully fleshed out friendship with. I mean, I have a large group of dog agility buddies, but I see them at trials, in some FB groups, and in training, and that's all we really talk about. And that's perfectly fine. I have my chamber ensemble buddies - we get together and play music. That's all. See where I'm going with this? I don't really know these buddies super deeply but I have fun doing activities with them. I don't really know if they are good or bad, per se. (Although I can tell you that Helen has a terrible ear and can't find F natural for her life.)

Where are all the good people? They are hidden gems all around you. You will have to do some digging to get to them. But I can tell you from personal experience, it is worth it. Yes, sometimes you get fooled by a fake. Has happened more than once to me. But cast those rocks out quickly and don't give them any more thought than you have to. Why waste time thinking about the bad ones when you can be spending time developing relationships with good ones?

[poshgirl]

I agree with Seesaw's comments.

We judge others by our own moral standards. Fortunately or unfortunately, mine are very high.

An ex-friend, who I'd met at senior school, suddenly became obnoxious. She thought she could say what she liked without any thought for other people's feelings. She blamed it on the menopause. Our break happened 16 years ago. At first I regretted it but then realised I'd reached the point where I couldn't tolerate her sarcastic and domineering attitude any longer. However, there were possibly other reasons. Being a late, only child coupled with her mother's challenging health issues as a result. Father's overpowering personality. On the flip side, due to her domineering attitude, her husband was unable to make any decisions for himself.

WovenGalaxy, it is difficult. I think as we get older (I'm 65) we're fearful of being alone. However, we now have the experience to choose our friends very carefully. Good luck!

[Britedark]

In my humble belief we don't need good people to be friends with, we need our own kind of people. Both Churchill and Gandhi were good people in their own ways but I don't believe they could ever be friends. So if I want good friendships I'd take a good look at myself first, find out the kind of person I am, find out the kind of person I want as a friend, and look for it accordingly. Am I looking for someone with a good sense of humour? Am I looking for blind loyalty? Am I looking for stark honesty? What do I want in a friend?

[Fuzzybear]

I agree with .... what am I looking for in a friend?

Loyalty?

Honesty? (not ''brutal'' honesty, someone with adequate social skills would not need to be ''brutal'' unless someone was repeatedly and probably intentionally... pushing their buttons imnsho)

''Good'' sense of humour? (define that, a maternal unit (over decades) and one abusive teacher (I was aged 8) appeared not to notice my sense of humour. I frequently make Papa bear (my husband) and others laugh.. in a ''good'' way)

I think there are. Everybody needs love and acceptance no matter who they are. Sure there are some bad people out there, but they need love and acceptance, too. I've very often heard from others in the area where I live that people in general are superficial; and it seems to be an accepted culture at where I live. Well, those superficial people need love just as much as others do. Come to think of it, there's not much reward in life if you are a superficial type.

For me, I have a difficult time in being able to connect with others, especially with strangers. It's hard for me to say, "let's get together sometime" with someone. I don't know why that is. Perhaps it's because of what it was like when I was growing up. I had been told by my parents to "take it easy and don't come on too strong to others". And then my family could never be trusted.

I've had some who have said, "come over to my place sometime". But I rarely follow up on it. I'm not crazy about being told that.

This is my 2 cents worth of commentary on this.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by will19

I think there are. Everybody needs love and acceptance no matter who they are. Sure there are some bad people out there, but they need love and acceptance, too. I've very often heard from others in the area where I live that people in general are superficial; and it seems to be an accepted culture at where I live. Well, those superficial people need love just as much as others do. Come to think of it, there's not much reward in life if you are a superficial type.

For me, I have a difficult time in being able to connect with others, especially with strangers. It's hard for me to say, "let's get together sometime" with someone. I don't know why that is. Perhaps it's because of what it was like when I was growing up. I had been told by my parents to "take it easy and don't come on too strong to others". And then my family could never be trusted. I've had some who have said, "come over to my place sometime". But I rarely follow up on it. I'm not crazy about being told that.

This is my 2 cents worth of commentary on this.

''and then my family could never be trusted''.... I completely relate to this. They are still not to be trusted.

I had someone say ''we could get together sometime... and see how it goes''... add to that wording the questionable tone of voice she used ... I was not crazy about this person or being told that. I no longer speak to her, which is sad since I like her husband a lot, he is intelligent and kind with a sense of humour that I like.

Originally Posted by Britedark

In my humble belief we don't need good people to be friends with, we need our own kind of people. Both Churchill and Gandhi were good people in their own ways but I don't believe they could ever be friends. So if I want good friendships I'd take a good look at myself first, find out the kind of person I am, find out the kind of person I want as a friend, and look for it accordingly. Am I looking for someone with a good sense of humour? Am I looking for blind loyalty? Am I looking for stark honesty? What do I want in a friend?

That's partly what I meant when I said "good." Good is a loaded word in this context.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

That's partly what I meant when I said "good." Good is a loaded word in this context.

And I think that's what I was getting at too in a roundabout way. You have to know what you want in a friend, and it's likely that you have to dig through the rocks to find the gems that have those qualities.

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Originally Posted by seesaw

And I think that's what I was getting at too in a roundabout way. You have to know what you want in a friend, and it's likely that you have to dig through the rocks to find the gems that have those qualities.

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@seesaw your post was awesome. Thank you for it. I took it to heart.