[jesyka]

This skinny fitness instructor friend of mine is obsessed with her weight. I introduced her to two of my other friends unfortunately and now they only want to hang out in a group. Anyways, she never looked me up and down like she did when we used to hang out one on one. She's married and not bi or gay. If she was, that'd be fine by me.

It's the rudeness that bothers me. And what's worse, is that the other two women claimed to have never seen her do that which I don't buy. I think that they don't care or worse, that they agree with what she's doing. They'r not as thin, but they weigh less than I do.

They're average in size. I'm definitely overweight. I never once did more than give this woman funny looks. I finally snapped and after she sent another one of her fat jokes to the group. The other women laughed at the jokes. I didn't and I told her to stop sending them as it triggers me. I told them all that I used to suffer from bullimia.

II told them that it triggered me. I also finally told that lady that I noticed her looking me up and down and fat shaming me with the way that she was looking at me. The other two women thought that she just liked the way that I dress, but if that's the case, why not say that I look nice? She's not shy at all. She has told me that I have a good sense of style.

I don't think that was the case though. So during that text, NONE of them said a word. That lady didn't say sorry. They just ignored me completely like nothing ever happened.

Why would they do that? I feel hurt. The weird thing is that my skinny friend used to be as fat as me and she had a gorgeous friend who always made her feel bad about herself, so why make me feel like that too? I brought that up to her in the text as well. I know that I should've talked to her in private a long time ago, but what's done is done.

Now she knows how I feel for sure. She has not sent the group and fat jokes since then. Why would none of them say anything? Were they embarassed maybe? Or maybe they didn't care that they hurt me?

[Yaowen]

Dear jesyka,

I am so sorry that happened to you. I think your thoughts and feelings about this are totally understandable!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry for what you've been going through! i agree with the wise and wonderful Yaowen about this situation being understandable i think. Teling them that those jokes bothered you may have been necessary but i think being kinder may have been more beneficial. Of course i don't know what is your relationship with these friends you're referring to but if no explicit comments from them were made perhaps it would have been worth it to give them the benefit of the doubt at least. i think they should have replied with at least an Apology though. Perhaps they were too shocked/embarassed but i think an Apology should have been the bare minimum. Not sure what to suggest. Have they been kinder towards you since then, perhaps? Apart from their fat jokes, did their behavior change in any significant way? Please do not give up. Hugs. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @jesyka, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[RoxanneToto]

The fact they haven’t sent any more fat jokes says something, but before that they sounded like they were being a bit hypocritical. They really should apologise rather than say nothing. I’m being generous here but maybe they feel awkward about it? It’s not very mature of them, in any case.
I’m guessing when the other friends said they’ve never seen her being rude/judgmental, it might be that she’s just never been that way towards them? That doesn’t make how she talks to you ok, of course. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, no matter how they look.

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by Yaowen

Dear jesyka,

I am so sorry that happened to you. I think your thoughts and feelings about this are totally understandable!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Thanks. What I don't get is they ALL knew about my past struggles with bullimia years ago! I'm hurt and angry that they are all being rude and insensitive to my feelings. Why would they not care about how I feel if they're my friends?

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

So Sorry for what you've been going through! i agree with the wise and wonderful Yaowen about this situation being understandable i think. Teling them that those jokes bothered you may have been necessary but i think being kinder may have been more beneficial. Of course i don't know what is your relationship with these friends you're referring to but if no explicit comments from them were made perhaps it would have been worth it to give them the benefit of the doubt at least. i think they should have replied with at least an Apology though. Perhaps they were too shocked/embarassed but i think an Apology should have been the bare minimum. Not sure what to suggest. Have they been kinder towards you since then, perhaps? Apart from their fat jokes, did their behavior change in any significant way? Please do not give up. Hugs. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @jesyka, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

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I think that maybe they were shocked and they didn't know what to say, so instead they made other jokes and acted like nothing happened. I'm going to a movie tomorrow with that skinny friend and one other friend.

I hope that was the very last time that she'll make a fat joke, comment, mention calories, or look me up and down again. I might just end the friendship if she keeps on doing that.

What I really don't get it why she kept on looking me up and down for the last two or three years. It was very rude! And they ALL knew that I had bullimia years ago!

It almost seems like that woman was trying to fat shame me into loosing weight! I could've and should've talked to her privately a long time ago, but I stupidly listened to bad advice from other people to just ignore her as she'll get upset at me if I say anything and not talk to me anymore. Ugh!

[jesyka]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

The fact they haven’t sent any more fat jokes says something, but before that they sounded like they were being a bit hypocritical. They really should apologise rather than say nothing. I’m being generous here but maybe they feel awkward about it? It’s not very mature of them, in any case.
I’m guessing when the other friends said they’ve never seen her being rude/judgmental, it might be that she’s just never been that way towards them? That doesn’t make how she talks to you ok, of course. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, no matter how they look.

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I agree with everything that you said. No, no more fat jokes have been sent in the group text thankfully. They should've apologized! I think that they were shocked and that they didn't know what to say. It's like they were afraid to upset me more or they knew that I had it and they better watch it from now on.

My skinny friend was never rude to the other two women. They work out and watch what they eat, so I think she respects them more. It seems like she thinks that they're much more worthy of respect than I am since they're not a large as I am.

She kept telling the more fit friend in our group that her arms are so toned and that she's cute, has great style, but when I dress up, she rarely makes any comments on how I look anymore.

I get the not so subtle hints to order healthier food or hints on portion control. She thinks she's sneaky, but I get the jab. She'll order a child sized order of popcorn after I get a medium one and ONLY tell me how that's almost to much for her to eat. And other times she complains about how big portion sizes are at meals and how she couldn't eat that much after I eat everything on my plate.

One time she was rude enough to almost call me fat to my face by telling me that I sure ordered a lot of food at a Christmas dinner! I ordered an appetizer for everyone to SHARE and then some side dish as I ordered something that didn't come with a side.

That was so rude!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by jesyka

This skinny fitness instructor friend of mine is obsessed with her weight. I introduced her to two of my other friends unfortunately and now they only want to hang out in a group. Anyways, she never looked me up and down like she did when we used to hang out one on one. She's married and not bi or gay. If she was, that'd be fine by me.

It's the rudeness that bothers me. And what's worse, is that the other two women claimed to have never seen her do that which I don't buy. I think that they don't care or worse, that they agree with what she's doing. They'r not as thin, but they weigh less than I do.

They're average in size. I'm definitely overweight. I never once did more than give this woman funny looks. I finally snapped and after she sent another one of her fat jokes to the group. The other women laughed at the jokes. I didn't and I told her to stop sending them as it triggers me. I told them all that I used to suffer from bullimia.

II told them that it triggered me. I also finally told that lady that I noticed her looking me up and down and fat shaming me with the way that she was looking at me. The other two women thought that she just liked the way that I dress, but if that's the case, why not say that I look nice? She's not shy at all. She has told me that I have a good sense of style.

I don't think that was the case though. So during that text, NONE of them said a word. That lady didn't say sorry. They just ignored me completely like nothing ever happened.

Why would they do that? I feel hurt. The weird thing is that my skinny friend used to be as fat as me and she had a gorgeous friend who always made her feel bad about herself, so why make me feel like that too? I brought that up to her in the text as well. I know that I should've talked to her in private a long time ago, but what's done is done.

Now she knows how I feel for sure. She has not sent the group and fat jokes since then. Why would none of them say anything? Were they embarassed maybe? Or maybe they didn't care that they hurt me?

I’m so sorry that you were hurt this way. I hate when people fat shame people.

[Fuzzybear]

[mssweatypalms]

Hi, jesyka! I've been fat since I was a baby, so people think it's okay to make fun of my weight. I've had people laugh at me for being fat my whole life, but it doesn't hurt me any less. I've had friends who were also fat but became fit after going to the gym and going on diets. They tell me "don't be lazy" or "don't pig out." I know it's meant to be a joke, but it definitely hurts. They don't know how hard I work on maintaining my weight, so they have no right to judge me.


The main problem is that a lot of people are insensitive. Some people think it's okay to make fat jokes on fat people and say, "well, if it were me I wouldn't get hurt." They don't think. Even if you tell them you don't like what they say, they still keep on doing it. That's the worst part, and that lack of understanding and respect will get them in trouble in the future.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

[BigBubba]

Originally Posted by jesyka

This skinny fitness instructor friend of mine is obsessed with her weight. I introduced her to two of my other friends unfortunately and now they only want to hang out in a group. Anyways, she never looked me up and down like she did when we used to hang out one on one. She's married and not bi or gay. If she was, that'd be fine by me.

It's the rudeness that bothers me. And what's worse, is that the other two women claimed to have never seen her do that which I don't buy. I think that they don't care or worse, that they agree with what she's doing. They'r not as thin, but they weigh less than I do.

They're average in size. I'm definitely overweight. I never once did more than give this woman funny looks. I finally snapped and after she sent another one of her fat jokes to the group. The other women laughed at the jokes. I didn't and I told her to stop sending them as it triggers me. I told them all that I used to suffer from bullimia.

II told them that it triggered me. I also finally told that lady that I noticed her looking me up and down and fat shaming me with the way that she was looking at me. The other two women thought that she just liked the way that I dress, but if that's the case, why not say that I look nice? She's not shy at all. She has told me that I have a good sense of style.

I don't think that was the case though. So during that text, NONE of them said a word. That lady didn't say sorry. They just ignored me completely like nothing ever happened.

Why would they do that? I feel hurt. The weird thing is that my skinny friend used to be as fat as me and she had a gorgeous friend who always made her feel bad about herself, so why make me feel like that too? I brought that up to her in the text as well. I know that I should've talked to her in private a long time ago, but what's done is done.

Now she knows how I feel for sure. She has not sent the group and fat jokes since then. Why would none of them say anything? Were they embarassed maybe? Or maybe they didn't care that they hurt me?

As much as I am sorry you feel hurt, I do not support accepting unhealthy state of being overweight. Perhaps that fitness lady knows the consequences of such life style and she just lacks empathy? Trust me, I've been overweight for two decades and I already confirmed that because of it my life will be much shorter. Please, stay healthy and take care of yourself. Best of luck.

[robynchurchill1271]

Hi there, I read your message and I connected with it personally. I myself am over weight and have been bullied about it my whole life. I am on these forums because I want to help people. Religion is often spoke off in a negative way but I belong to a religious group where and I have so many friends who would never bully me and who support me. If you would like someone to talk to who knows what your going through I would love to have a chat.

[poshgirl]

There are two sides to this.

Yes, they appear hypocritical but may feel embarrassed that they couldn't express themselves better in your company (I'm including the group chat here).

My sister-in-law often ruined many family meals by her evangelical attitude to weight loss. I know some of it was directed to me. Yes, I'm about a stone overweight (typical post menopause!). Her reason was hypocritical; she wanted to eat healthily so she could consume more alcohol. Then, she wondered why her weight loss had stopped!

There are other reasons why people gain weight, it's not just about poor diet and lack of exercise. Of course, fat shamers and those seeking to profit from our desire to be thinner don't mention that.

[Britedark]

One thing I don't understand is, why are you calling these people your 'friends'? They know about your struggle with your illness and yet they make 'fat jokes' around you. They offend you and yet they don't apologise. How is any of that friendly? If they had concerns about your weight they could have told you in private, in a sensitive, respectful way. Making jokes is no way to show concern.