[Jessii]

I feel very insecure in my relationship.

I look at my partner's phone, check his wallet and pockets etc. Never found anything suspicious. Hes not doing anything behind me back but I just can't stop. He has given me no reason to think like this. I hate feeling like this. How can I stop?

[sarahsweets]

First of all come clean and tell him so he can change all his passwords and set up 2 factor authentication to keep you from getting in. Then get a therapist. I dont know why you feel this way either. Jealousy and similar feelings and are completely useless. All they do is literally beat a person up mentally aggravating all their anxieties and insecurities.

IMO you would be doing this regardless of whether you have a reason to. I personally would feel very violated if my husband did that to me.

Originally Posted by Jessii

I feel very insecure in my relationship.

I look at my partner's phone, check his wallet and pockets etc. Never found anything suspicious. Hes not doing anything behind me back but I just can't stop. He has given me no reason to think like this. I hate feeling like this. How can I stop?

[xiximmxi]

Hi Jessii

First of all, congrats for recognizing the problem.
Second of all, I want to ask if you have had a toxic relationship / cheating bf(s) in the past?
Third of all, what is your attachment style?

Your feelings are valid. And it is OK to feel this way and worry about your partner. I'm sure he has those feelings at times. We all have insecure, vulnerable moments in relationships.

It's half the battle, acknowledging that you may have some trust issues.
Especially when you've had past traumatic memories where you felt like you couldn't trust your exes and been cheated on... You can easily project those feelings onto your current relationship.
You may also have an anxious attachment style. (You can take the quiz here: Attachment Style Quiz: Free & Fast Attachment Style Test)

Work on yourself.
If you keep having issues, you could possibly discuss this with your partner and let him know you may like a little extra reassurance and affirmation. People feel affection in different ways; it's OK to let them know how you like to receive love.

Also... Remember that it isn't about trusting that they won't break your heart.
It's about trusting yourself that you chose the right person, and that even if he breaks your heart you can pick up the pieces yourself because YOU are a strong person.

Good luck!

-----------------------------------------------------
[EDITED]

I just read your other post.
Are you experiencing any symptoms of postpartum depression by any chance?

When the partner doesn't seem to put much effort, or as much effort into the relationship as you, it is stressful.. Because you want them to just do and say loving things without you having to ask. & With the newborn baby, and money issues, no friends close nearby... I'm sure it's even harder.

The only thing I can say is that maybe stop just giving your all. Focus on yourself, and leave some space between you and your partner. See if HE fills the void if you don't. As women we give and give and sometimes men can feel smothered. This makes them pull away even more.

Don't feel anxious or desperate (I know it's easier said than done), because you have nothing to lose. If he doesn't fill the distance, you don't want someone like that and that'll give you clarity and courage to leave. If he does, then great, you've mastered the art of getting your power back.

My heart goes out to you.

x

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry things are being so hard also! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about being Honest with your partner and perhaps contacting a therapist. Does this happen with other people also maybe? Perhaps there are some trust issues at play that you may want to work on. Either way, i am not a professional so i can't really tell you. i think it may be useful to talk about this with someone else. i also agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that knowing and acknowleding the issues is already a good thing and key perhaps also. Now you just need to improve things as much as possible. i Hope things will improve really soon for everyone. Please Do update us and let us know if there's anything we can do to help obviously. Be Kind. Much Love. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Jessii, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!