[JH8854]

Hi,

I posted here awhile ago, but I'm back now. I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that I can be desirable, even though I'm really lacking in height. I've never been in a relationship and am in my last year of college. I would feel more hopeful if it wasn't likely because of something that is immutable. This one immutable characteristic of myself, my height. It is a bit frustrating that it's the most important in women's eyes, but it is what it is. I suppose you can't control what you find undesirable. I don't really have any physical preferences myself in who I'm looking for, I'm open to dating people of all different body types and backgrounds as long as they are my age, but my height just gets in the way of that. I wish height wasn't one of the main physical traits women look for in a man but it is. I just wish I wasn't shamed for my body type, like I am made to feel as less of a man. Every girl I've talked to has asked me my height.

It just is frustrating that this one characteristic defines all of my attractiveness. How is a short guy such as myself supposed to compete with a tall attractive type that is considered universally appealing?

I would like to know if it is possible for me to ever get into a relationship, and if so how can I get there.

[unaluna]

Tina Fey's husband is on the short side. They seem happy.

If you're a genuinely good guy, height doesn't matter, imo. There are many other factors that can make someone attractive / unattractive besides height.


I know someone whose husband is really short. They are happy.


So, I know that in college and in one's 20s in particular, there is a lot of focus on being "normal" and one thing that society deems "normal" (for some weird reason) is being in a relationship in your teens and college. I'm going to flat out tell you its not like that for everyone, no matter how much the media portrays it otherwise.


You might be better off focusing on how to enjoy your life without a girlfriend for the time being. I know women in their 30s who have never had a boyfriend, so it does go both ways. But, happiness is attractive


I am not sure how you can get a girlfriend, I guess I'm the wrong person to ask about that. For what its worth, I'm sure you will meet someone. Not all women are the same, just like not all men are the same.

[divine1966]

Most certainly height is not the most important thing for women. I am not sure why think so. It’s not accurate at all. It’s important to some. Same as for some men women’s weight is important. But not for all

My son in law is short. Shorter than my daughter and she is not even tall. It doesn’t prevent him from being successful professionally and being happily married. He comes from family of short people. All his brothers are short (he is probably the shortest though) and they are married with kids.

There is more to life than having certain looks. I’d focus on your professional success, your character traits, get involved in interesting activities, do good things in life, and be a good person and don’t compare yourself to others. When time comes you will find the one, in a meanwhile there are things you can do

[rechu]

I agree with the others. I am a short woman (5 foot 2") and have dated men of a range of heights. My husband is among the shortest I have dated, just slightly taller than me, and we have been married for 12 years.

I am sure there are some superficial women out there, but not everyone is like that.

[poshgirl]

Unfortunately, what you're experiencing is part of the so-called "celebrity culture" that exists.

We all have different expectations and that's why men date curvier women, or women want guys with brown eyes. How many women found the tall, dark and handsome man they wished for in their teens?

Concentrate on your personality, success, style. Develop a sense of humour; we like a guy who can make us laugh however tall he is!

Don't get hung up on your height, it will consume you and make dating difficult. If a girl comments quickly about your height, then she's not the one.

[Rive.]

It is a bit frustrating that it's the most important in women's eyes,

It seems to be something you, yourself, are projecting onto others.

It just is frustrating that this one characteristic defines all of my attractiveness.

Yes, because that is how you view yourself. Just read how you describe yourself i.e. "I'm really lacking in height".

Why is height so important to you? This lack in confidence in yourself and your over-focus on such a superficial thing is what puts people off, not your actual height.

[bpforever1]

If you want to find someone who likes you as a person, then I would not worry too much about your height. If you worry too much about how people think about you, then you might exhibit insecurities about yourself. Be confident and happy with what you have. Also, if others treat you shabbily because of your height, you don't need them in your life. I would not let superficial matters be the focus of your life unless you are in the media spotlight. Just be yourself and surround yourself with people who care about you, not about your appearance.

[hvert]

How are you trying to meet potential girlfriends, online? I agree with everyone else that height is not that important but I am not sure that us telling you that will convince you.