FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Member
Member Since Nov 2021
Location: Australia
Posts: 33
2 7 hugs
given |
#1
What's with someone (close) who wants the dynamic to be that I'm special.
For example they're trying to explain something to me and in a moment of frustration they say 'normal people don't act that way', or 'normal people don't have trouble understanding this'. I'm not perfect but I sense there is more to this than I can know. I feel hurt, angry and frustrated. |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, nonightowl, WovenGalaxy, Yaowen
|
nonightowl
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 3,619
(SuperPoster!)
4 6,475 hugs
given |
#2
I don't know exactly what "normal" is but by any definition I doubt that the people criticizing you are normal themselves. Sorry you are going through this!
|
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, nonightowl, StephenT
|
Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
3 2,208 hugs
given |
#3
Did you let them know these comments hurt you?
__________________ my life explained in two smileys |
Reply With Quote |
mote.of.soul
|
Member
Member Since Nov 2021
Location: Australia
Posts: 33
2 7 hugs
given |
#4
Yes. In the process I endure a few rounds of blame and hurt.
In the end, two things. I'll always have to be the one to remind myself where this is coming from.. and there may be a genuine feeling they're trying to express but I may never know what it is. |
Reply With Quote |
AliceKate, Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, nonightowl
|
Sasquatch
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,233
(SuperPoster!)
6 22k hugs
given |
#5
Yes, it sounds like a classic case of the 'gaslighting' going on there StephenT. I obviously don't know the full details but at some point you might want to tell them to cut it out, to stop it, for the simple fact that you don't appreciate at all, what they're inferring and saying. Tell them to just worry about themselves would be my advice, friend. 🙏
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
|
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear
|
Member
Member Since Nov 2021
Location: Australia
Posts: 33
2 7 hugs
given |
#6
I had someone tell me they were gaslighting me, and I asked them what they were doing, what it was about, why they were doing it.. but they went quiet. Should I worry about thing like that?
I'm not sure what it means. |
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, nonightowl
|
mote.of.soul, nonightowl
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,645
15 7,074 hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
If they went quiet it sounds to me like they don't know what they're talking about. Or else they'd have some snotty response ready, like some smart a s s comeback. Sounds like THEY should be worried someone's on to them. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, StephenT
|
Sasquatch
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,233
(SuperPoster!)
6 22k hugs
given |
#8
Yeah, I agree with nonightowl: they don't know what they're talking about really. If they had no response then, no, I wouldn't worry @StephenT. Sounds like they're doing it for 'fun' - which for me, if/when that happens, I never get the joke or why they'd even bother in the first place.
'Gaslighting' is basically when someone knowingly tries to make you think you're 'mad' or doing/saying something inappropriate when you're actually not. It can be confusing and annoying. __________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
|
Reply With Quote |
Fuzzybear, nonightowl
|
Fuzzybear, nonightowl, StephenT
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,645
15 7,074 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
I think the term comes from the old 1940's movie called Gaslight, where the husband tried to drive his wife insane or convince her she was, when she wasn't. Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. Or maybe the term predates the movie; I never looked it up. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
mote.of.soul
|
Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul
|
Member
Member Since Nov 2021
Location: Australia
Posts: 33
2 7 hugs
given |
#10
I tend to ignore what these individuals are driving at when they do this. It makes them mad and they become obsessed with getting me to "understand".
It's almost like they want to know something but don't trust they'll get the truth from me by asking me a straight question. |
Reply With Quote |
mote.of.soul, nonightowl
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,406
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.4k hugs
given |
#11
I don't know what ''normal'' means.
I agree with mote.of.soul that this sounds like gaslighting __________________ |
Reply With Quote |
mote.of.soul
|
Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,406
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.4k hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
__________________ |
|
Reply With Quote |
mote.of.soul
|
Member
Member Since Nov 2021
Location: Australia
Posts: 33
2 7 hugs
given |
#13
I wonder if I should learn more about why someone might use gaslighting.. and ways I can respond to it when it gets in the way of my life.
|
Reply With Quote |
nonightowl
|
Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2011
Posts: 574
13 29 hugs
given |
#14
Sometimes "normal" is just the setting on a dryer. People who are judgemental are very insecure. I heard a comment I like when someone is judgemental.......your response can be: Oh, that is what you think. End of discussion.
|
Reply With Quote |
nonightowl
|