Family not acting like family

Yep,this kind of double standards result in our enlightenment and we introspect our relationships As we can't change others,we change and reevaluate ourselves. I did the same.I would like to give you a heads up.When we change our behaviour towards them,they immediately recognise it and rather than dwelling on or introspect what might have caused the change or if they might have contributed to it,they get passive aggressive. They have developed ..I would like to say..an addiction towards our niceness,that they get withdrawal symptoms, when they do not get the same treatment from us anymore.They never see their fault in this.They will react in a way with an underlined message....How dare you to make changes???
This happened to me.After not getting the invitation and then them not sharing the news that kid got accepted into a good college( I heard this from other resources anyways),I started to try not to bend over backwards for them.I politely rejected their proposal that they would like to come and stay for a week .It was the first time I ever said ..no.. to them in my entire life.And they turned passive aggressive.After saying no to them I waited to see if they ask me if some thing is going on with me.Maybe I am sick and can't take guests right now.There are so many possibilities, right???But they never asked the reason.They simply do not care.There reactions and behaviours have reinforced my thoughts...that this relationship was never reciprocal. For them it was never personal. It was for me always and they just took a free ride and enjoyed it as long as it lasted.They never cared enough to nurture the relationship.Once they realised I am onto them,they just dropped me like a hot potato.The first time I tried to put a boundary,their mask dropped.I wonder what happened to all that praise and adoration when they wanted something from me.LOL.I just wanted to share my experience, so that you will be prepared in case that happens. Sorry for the long post.

I don’t know anyone except immediate family that plans for a high school graduation. I’m glad you’re moving on from it and he’ll have plenty of sand to pound at the beach house.

This is so familiar! My brother has always been mother's favourite and now he's where she wants him to be. Having experienced her unacceptable behaviour, I distanced myself. Won't go into detail but he's had to do a lot more for her. His wife has made derogatory comments about my mother and aunt. I only recently repeated them to my aunt. Waste of time with mother as I'd be to blame as the messenger. Although they have to take holidays outside of term time, he's never once asked if I had any plans. It's just assumed I'll fit in with everything they do. After all, "they've done so much for me".

Now I don't get invited to anything to do with them, he has to do a 10+-mile round trip to ensure mother gets there. He's had to rethink his drinking habits too. The arrogance is unbelievable.

Your course of action now is the best. You're showing that you can rise above their behaviour. One day he could need your help....

I suspect your FOO has a lot of bad habits like mine does: sending mixed messages about how close we are, really toxic behaviors. LIKE when it suits them, acting like we're close and we should help each other/be there for each other (conveniently it is when THEY need OUR help), and then when it doesn't suit them acting like you're not close. It's very confusing for me because my family has this habit of ACTING like we're close - like you're supposed to go to these events no matter what - but when you actually need support or help, no one is around. It's just about making it LOOK like we're a close family, not actually BEING a close family.

Anyways, didn't mean to project my baggage on you, lol. I think you were right with your initial response: you have to just learn not to expect anything from him. AND I hope along with that you will not let his attitude or comments make you feel bad about anything you or your family need to do rather than make appearances at these events.

When people show you the reality of who they are, BELIEVE THEM! They are not going to change.

You have shared your brothers pattern of behavior. Accept that at times he will disappoint you.