[Aviza]

This guy recently used the l word. Is forcing himself into my life. like met my mother when I didn't want him to. Planning to show up when I'm having dinner with my daughter.

I feel like I let in stalker. I don't know how to get rid of him. I tried breaking up with him a year ago. Got lonely his dad died I was nice to him when he reached out.

Now were dating. But I've been thinking, it's too much I don't want to continue. I have reasons but no reason to give him not that he accepts them anyway. What do I do? I don't want to end up married to him, and honestly I've ended up married to guys I didn't want to marry.

How do I get away from this guy?

[Bill3]

I have reasons but no reason to give him not that he accepts them anyway.

You don't need reasons and it doesn't matter whether or not he accepts what you say.

I tried breaking up with him a year ago. Got lonely his dad died I was nice to him when he reached out.

Here it sounds like you allowed your feelings to make the decisions. Let your brain do that!

honestly I've ended up married to guys I didn't want to marry.

This could well happen again unless you let your brain be in charge, and not let yourself be influenced by whatever feelings come up.


How can you help your brain to be the one in charge?

[divine1966]

Tell him you are done. No one can force you date or marry anyone. No one needs any reasons.

If he continues, block him. Just don’t answer the phone, don’t open the door. Call the police if he shows up when he is told not to. I mean it’s drastic but he should be gone if you don’t want him around

[RoxanneToto]

Agree with previous posters - he *is* behaving as a stalker and doesn’t respect you. He only cares about what he wants - that’s the real reason he won’t accept your reasons for breaking up with him, and if he hasn’t done already, will just use what you say to manipulate you into staying with him. It’s best to say “this isn’t working” if you do want to say anything, but don’t offer any further explanation when he asks why, just block him everywhere you can.
Split up over the phone if it feels safer than in person - if you do split up in person, have someone with you and do it in a (busy) public place, where he can’t so easily do anything drastic. Might be a good idea to spend more time around people you trust afterwards, too, if possible - for protection and distraction, if nothing else!

I’m not sure if you can get a restraining order or anything against him, but yes, certainly you should call the police when he turns up unannounced. His behaviour will escalate if you stay with him and who knows what he’s truly capable of?
Good luck with however you choose to do this!

[Rive.]

How do I get away from this guy?

By being very clear and direct with him. Then cut off all contact *and* stick to your boundaries.

It seems the message he is getting from you is ambiguous i.e. you don't want him around but felt sorry and reached out to him when his dad died... you don't want to be with him yet you are dating him.

If you don't want to be with him, cut off all contact and stop reaching out to him. Any ambiguity felt will be further signal for him to keep pushing. He clearly does not seem to respect you / your boundaries anyway, so do not feed him any more mixed messages.

[robin red]

be straight. and tell him how it is. as others have said you could seem to be encouraging him. he might have strong deep feelings for you. it's not easy for people to let go of that is the case. honesty is best.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by robin red

be straight. and tell him how it is. as others have said you could seem to be encouraging him. he might have strong deep feelings for you. it's not easy for people to let go of that is the case. honesty is best.

It is from October.

[robbie2499]

Please believe me when I say if it feels he's stalking you, he is. I've been there before and it's harrowing. You are going to have to be firm even if it comes to filing a report with local police.

[Aviza]

I told him I was done basically and he sent a thumbs up. so I think it's over. But he was going out of town so I can't be too sure.