[lovethesun]

Parties can be so stressful. Which is ironic because they should be fun. I've been stressed over a graduation party for my daughter. I had a family member turn down my "save the date" invitation and I got upset and posted here about it. I received great advice from friends on this site and I decided to let it go. I'm facing another dilemma with this party....whether or not to invite neighbors (and a certain one in particular)?? I've lived on the same street for 16 years and the people on my street have been around all that time as my daughter grew up. I was invited to and attended the graduation parties for the 2 kids across the street as well as my next door neighbors. The neighbors across the street and next door have been good to me and my family over the years and I'd like to invite them to my daughter's graduation party. The problem is that they are also friends with a long time neighbor on our same street and only 2 doors down(the Parkers) who used to be a part of me and my daughter's life until we had a falling out about 7 years ago after a large argument between the Parker's daughter and my daughter.

We were never really able to patch things up with the Parkers and communication with them has become mostly non-existent aside from a very rare text message or an occasional shallow comment on Facebook. The Parker's husband avoids us. The wife and daughter speak friendly occasionally. And it just so happens that the Parker's youngest daughter (same age as my daughter) will also be graduating on the same day and will probably be having a home party of her own. When the Parker's older daughter graduated we of course were not invited to the party. So what should I do? Should I go ahead and invite the neighbors on our street that mean something to us and have been a friend to us all these years and leave out the Parkers? Or should I just not invite any of the neighbors? Or should I invite all the neighbors including the Parkers and just hope the Parkers don't come? Thanks for any help in keeping me from spinning a tangled web unintentionally.

[Yaowen]

Sorry you are in that situation. Must be so stressful! Situations like the one you mentioned have a lot of nuances and intangible dimensions to them, things that perhaps could not be committed to writing. I don't feel competent to give advice. Perhaps if I were closer to the situation, I would be able to weigh the pros and cons better and take into consideration the intangible factors. I wouldn't want to give you bad advice. Sometimes there are unintended and even unforeseen consequences that can occur with such decisions as you face.

I do hope you find a decision that you can live with and which has the best possible outcome. Maybe others here with more knowledge, experience and insight will prove more helpful to you. So sorry that I cannot be helpful to you in this!

PS: How does your daughter want things to be handled . . . and other family members?

[Bill3]

Invite the people whose presence will give your family pleasure and who will share in your daughter's joy, don't invite others.

[Pinny]

Ive got to agree with @Bill3 !

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by Yaowen

Sorry you are in that situation. Must be so stressful! Situations like the one you mentioned have a lot of nuances and intangible dimensions to them, things that perhaps could not be committed to writing. I don't feel competent to give advice. Perhaps if I were closer to the situation, I would be able to weigh the pros and cons better and take into consideration the intangible factors. I wouldn't want to give you bad advice. Sometimes there are unintended and even unforeseen consequences that can occur with such decisions as you face.

I do hope you find a decision that you can live with and which has the best possible outcome. Maybe others here with more knowledge, experience and insight will prove more helpful to you. So sorry that I cannot be helpful to you in this!

PS: How does your daughter want things to be handled . . . and other family members?

Thank you for your response. I appreciate your words. My daughter definitely does not want the parkers coming.

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Invite the people whose presence will give your family pleasure and who will share in your daughter's joy, don't invite others.

Thank you Bill3. I think I need to see this through my daughter's eyes. If she looked and saw the Parkers coming through the door (if they even actually showed up) she'd probably feel very uncomfortable. And that is not supposed to be the way she should feel on a day when she should be feeling happy about her accomplishment.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Invite the people whose presence will give your family pleasure and who will share in your daughter's joy, don't invite others.

Good post, I agree

[divine1966]

Include neighbors who your daughter wants invited and who you get along with. No need to invite people who aren’t your friends and if your daughter doesn’t want them there.

[Rive.]

Why should you invite the Parkers if there is no cordial relationship, and actually quite the opposite (animosity to indifference). As you said, invite those who were there for you / your daughter.

Don't invite people you don't like or don't want to be there out of of a sense of what... obligation? duty? or to be 'nice'? Inviting them would not feel like a party but a chore and a burden & most certainly not fun. In that case, you may as well not invite any neighbours at all.

The party is to celebrate your daughter and have fun. So invite people accordingly.

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by Rive.

Why should you invite the Parkers if there is no cordial relationship, and actually quite the opposite (animosity to indifference). As you said, invite those who were there for you / your daughter.

Don't invite people you don't like or don't want to be there out of of a sense of what... obligation? duty? or to be 'nice'? Inviting them would not feel like a party but a chore and a burden & most certainly not fun. In that case, you may as well not invite any neighbours at all.

The party is to celebrate your daughter and have fun. So invite people accordingly.

Yes, the only reason I'd invite the Parkers would be out of a sense of obligation. because I feel like if I invite the other neighbors then I need to invite them since we've all shared the same corner for 15+ years. The problem lies with the fact that we had a falling out with the Parkers but not with the other neighbors. The parkers have always been a pain in the a $ $. They are the kind of people who only like you if they can use you and they bully you if yo stand up for yourself. the other neighbors put up with them out of fear, I think. And the parkers are the kind that don't legitimately celebrate your accomplishment, they pretend to but secretly wait for you to fail because they are very insecure. They will be busy with their own kid's party anyway. perhaps I should just invite who I want and who my daughter wants and stop giving a crap.

[Bill3]

perhaps I should just invite who I want and who my daughter wants and stop giving a crap.

I agree 100 percent!

[Rive.]

perhaps I should just invite who I want and who my daughter wants and stop giving a crap.

There you go! Why invite people who don't seem very nice human beings in the first place.

Make it a fun day with people who *are* actually nice and people you both do want to be with