[LiteraryLark]

My mom is really upsetting me.

My mom is making me feel bad about my poetry. She doesn't like my serious poems that I spend a lot of time and effort on, she only likes silly, effortless poems. We belong to a site for creative artists (and she is the main contributer) and she leaves comments on my poems that make me feel bad. Last night she left such an insulting comment that I told her I'm taking a break because I don't like feeling bad about my poetry.

The other thing she makes me feel bad about is she wants absolutely no updates from me--good or bad. I'm living on my own and it's like a chore for her to hear from me. But she'll call me when she does want an update, but only for a few minutes and only what she wants to hear. And she'll tell me not to update her, but then she'll message me for updates almost as soon as she says it, or if I go three days without messaging her, she'll freak out and call me wondering why I haven't updated her. But then again, I'll start telling her about my day and she tries to hurry me up so she can get off the phone. So there's no winning with her.

I don't know what to do about updating her. I could have the best day in the world and she'll hurry me up to get off the phone. And if it's a bad day, she just says "that's life, get over it". Yet if I go a few days without messaging her, she panics. Or she'll say, "no more updates" then messages me a few hours later. It's frustrating.

[LiteraryLark]

My parents and I have PTSD, and I'm frustrated because I feel like my parents should be wanting to hear from me and listen to what I have to say and give advice when I need it.

[LiteraryLark]

I'm just so upset. About a lot of things. But what's going on with my parents really hurts. I thought moving out will help, but I'm so lonely and they just want to be left alone and not be bothered.

[divine1966]

I am sorry. It’s hard. Would your mom prefer written update versus being on the phone? I hate being on the phone for more than few minutes. But texting is not a problem.

What do you say in your updates? How often and how much. Like share something specific or just chit chat. Try to keep them short?

I am sorry you are lonely. I know the feeling.

[unaluna]

I used to call my mom almost every day, which might surprise people here! It became a bad habit, i see now. I should have spent that time creating a life for myself. That would make both you and your mom happy, i truly believe.

Get a babysitting certification. Thst could make you useful in the neighborhood. Take a gardening class. Or home repair.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I used to call my mom almost every day, which might surprise people here! It became a bad habit, i see now. I should have spent that time creating a life for myself. That would make both you and your mom happy, i truly believe.

Get a babysitting certification. Thst could make you useful in the neighborhood. Take a gardening class. Or home repair.

I really like that perspective, Una. I text my mom every day, and I call when there's big news. And yes, it is a bad habit, and I should work on creating a life for myself. I just wish I had more support from my parents.

I do work on gardening, I have 18 indoor plants and many more outdoor plants, I have seven bettas I take care of (and just spent an hour and a half cleaning all their tanks), I'm starting school tomorrow, and hopefully next month I'll be adopting a kitten.

[divine1966]

Excellent ideas how to stay busy with all kind of good stuff! I know you always have great things happening. Gardening and writing poems, what a great thing

I actually don’t think it’s wrong to talk often. I talk to my daughter quite often. It doesn’t mean we don’t have lives but I think it’s a bit different if you do so due to loneliness versus just have things to discuss. I wonder if sometimes instead of updating you could talk about things you both find important or fun like books you read or stuff you saw somewhere or something new you discovered.

I also wonder if your parents are aging. My dad used to want to know every little things and wanted to listen and he’d ask questions. As he got older, he isn’t as much into knowing all ins and outs and has little interest in updates from other peoples lives. It’s not like he doesn’t care. It’s more like he can’t handle it

[unaluna]

I love bettas! If i ever get my house clean, i might have to get one.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I also wonder if your parents are aging...It’s more like he can’t handle it

The wildfire that took our home in 2017 broke them, and they never recovered from it. My parents are in a constant state of fear. They panic at the slightest noise. My dad is checked out. He stares at his phone all day long and it's a struggle just to have an in person conversation with him. My mom tends to talk for him...and also talk over him. Every time I try to talk to my dad my mom interrupts. My dad and I went for lunch just the two of us and instead of having a conversation with me he stared at his phone.

The household energy was always dictated to what mood my mom was in, and she was never in a good mood. She's become exceptionally bitter and mean. Even her voicemail message is bitter and mean. She's in a constant state of panic. Every upset is devastating to her.

But I moved forward from the fire right away, and recovered from other traumas before and after that, and I just can't seem to understand why they let themselves stay in constant fear.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Excellent ideas how to stay busy with all kind of good stuff! I know you always have great things happening. Gardening and writing poems, what a great thing

I try to get my parents to see that, but they're just not interested.

I am very lonely on my own. I call my grandparents several times a day as well as texting and calling my best friend several times a day. Both live in California. But I'm still lonely. I have no friends at work, they don't like me. I'm going to do flower painting at school tomorrow, and maybe I'll make a friend. J was my only friend in Oregon, and we had a huge blow up fight and he won't speak to me anymore (his fault, not mine). And even J was never available for me. He was not a good friend. So I've been really lonely for real people I can see in person, and my parents are the only people I can physically see and we don't see each other very much, and they are not interested in hearing about my day or my life.

For two years COVID made school in person out of the question. This is the first semester in person, no mask. Unfortunately, I can only take classes online due to work, but I talked to my sociology teacher and I might be leading the LGBT club and the mental health club. I want to put all my social interests in school because at least I can meet people my own age.