Is it worth revealing?

I've been in a long-distance relationship since November 2021 and during that time, I sometimes felt urges to download tinder :/ once, because I just moved to a new city and in the past tinder was where I usually met friends. So, I downloaded it and specified that I am taken and am only looking for friends. I met with one guy - there was no flirting, just friendly hangout -, who actually encouraged me to get off tinder if i'm not single. I did.

Another time was when I got back to my hometown in February and again, I was curious to see what's up on tinder. I got on, matched with someone and deleted it the next day. I noticed that sometimes when I was worried that my long-distance partner is not there for me, I was feeling like I need tinder to find someone else immediately. But the truth is, I love my partner and we are about to close the distance gap in July. I also know that she despises lying and doesn't want me on the apps. I am not sure how to address this, and whether not speaking about it with her is gonna be seen as lying! I really want us to work.
Would love to hear some advice!

What are the pros and cons of revealing?

Are you planning on keep getting on tinder ? Or it was one time thing?

If it’s truly just looking for friends ( bad idea though as it’s a hook up site, I’d recommend meet up app for meeting friends), then you shouldn’t have a problem telling your partner about it. Or you know deep inside that it’s not why you were on tinder?

I don't plan on using tinder again... just feel like it was sort of a go-to place when I felt insecure or doubted my partner :/

If you are in a relationship and she does not condone lying, then withholding information is lying.

Even the fact that you felt you needed to download tinder (you feeling insecure or doubting your partner) shows there is something that is not working in your dynamic with your partner. So, there *is* something that needs speaking about, truthfully, with her.

Brushing it under the rug is not enough - what if a similar situation arises in the future? Nip it in the bud now.

She may be perfectionistic and intolerant about lying, but that doesn't mean you have to be.

In my view, and without telling you what to do in this specific situation, you don't have to tell her everything that you do, or that crosses your mind, on the theory that she would consider it to be impermissible lying if you don't. She doesn't get to decide what choices are right for you.

thank you! <3 that was my train of thought, too... since I haven't flirted with anyone on tinder and was very upfront about not being single. I wasn't even thinking of telling until recently we were watching a tv show that had a couple hiding (insignificant) things from each other... and she made a point that this kind of behavior would make her end things.

It sounds like if you were to tell her what you said above--especially given that some time has passed--then she might decide to break up at once.

For me, that would make it very rough to share minor missteps, because it sounds like, for her, there really are no minor missteps--any misstep at all, especially if not confessed at once, can seem major and can be breakup material.

Have you a different plan in place for what to do when feeling insecure or doubting your partner?

First of all, do not go on those types of apps if you are in a relationship. If you ever doubt your partner, first ask yourself why you are doubting them. If you get lonely, read a book or contact a family member. You can also come on here for advice. I think sometimes it does help to talk to other people who are going through similar things that you are. I repeat though, do NOT download those types of apps...you are giving in to the temptation. Temptation is everywhere and those apps are no good. If you want to meet new friends, maybe try to join a sports league or something. You said the distance gap is ending in July, so just hang tight. Don't do anything that you will regret and just relax. If you are afraid of being alone, come on this forum and read some posts and reply to them. I can assure you that those types of apps will only cause problems and lead to the demise of relationships. Best of luck!

Hmmm, if she is like this on stuff like this, what is she going to be like when you "close the distance gap" & are dealing with every day stuff? Married, it is a different ball game but until a permanent relationship is actually formed, neither of you owe each other anything