[ssiraj]

My wife recently demanded that my 7 year old daughter never show her face at our apartment. She was clear how much she hates her presence due to the child’s behavior.

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We both have 7 years old daughters from our previous marriages. We also have a 1 year old together and she’s now 8 weeks pregnant. My wife lived in Ethiopia her entire life and I sponsored her to come to Canada with her daughter where they arrived in the summer of 2022.

It’s true as being the only child for my ex and I, my daughter may have been spoiled, but her behavior is not far from an average 7 year old. Since my separation nearly 3 years ago, I have discussed and educated about her behavior on a DAILY basis, and it seems to be working very well especially with emotional swings, defiance and anger. But soon as my daughter started living with her sibling, she developed a feeling of jealousy and I have been working very hard by avoiding things that may generate any kind of jealousy and teaching about love, sharing and caring for one another.

On the positive side, my daughter has become more independent and can easily perform daily tasks such as bathing by herself, dressing on her own, making her bed, folding her clothes and much more with little to no guidance and support. The changes for the better however are never acknowledged by my wife. When my daughter first met my wife, her behavior was not acceptable, but her behavior seems to be all new to my wife nowadays.

Aside from the children, my wife and I survived arguments and disagreements in 2 years that most couples may not experience in a lifetime. For instance, my wife informed me that we should not be passing on an opportunity to buy land for sale by her family in Ethiopia. I was not in a position to trust or not trust her because we had a kid already and could not afford risking our relationship for trust issues. I gave her a significant amount of money but it turned out that she wanted to invest it for a high risk contraband business where she lost it all. She also took about $6000 from my best friend to invest in her business, but couldn’t pay it back which is why he doesn’t talk to me anymore. My wife did all these after knowing I’m going through financial struggle post separation, post job loss and post pandemic.

She has also accused me of cheating on her several times, accused me of attempting to steal our child from her and lying to her with fake immigration documents to sponsor her and daughter to Canada. However, I never cheated on her, didn’t steal her the child and both my wife and step daughter successfully came to Canada. I also think it’s safe to say that my wife doesn’t contribute to the housework as much as I would like her to. I am always tired and never have the chance to take a break from the children, kitchen, laundry and so on.

I have let all these slide, but I think she crossed the line when demanding my daughter out of the apartment. My daughter has a mom, however, we have a shared parenting time and our daughters has nothing but love for one another. They miss each other because they are always on facetime when my daughter is with her mom. My wife spends about 1 hour with the kids in the morning on weekdays while they are with me after school until bedtime.

As of now, my wife returns from work at night. As soon as my she gets home, she’s always upset with me about why my daughter is home, and she has started being abusive towards me and my children. She would get very mad and tell her daughter not to eat anything I give her when she’s not home.

For me, this marriage is mostly about our children. Not just mine but hers too and that’s why our children come first. It’s also fair to say I loved her to let all the other issues slide.

My wife has threatened to leave me on several occasions. I am trying to suck it up because she’s pregnant and she also knows that I’m obligated to financially support her and daughter for many years. I am not looking forward to another separation but should I grant her wish and live peacefully instead of this abusive relationship?

My previous relationship has not been nearly as bad as this. 12 years of relationship and we always treated each other respectfully. Our different religious beliefs and family pressure are the only reasons that led to our separation. We also have the best co-parenting as we both want the best interest of our daughter.

I love my wife and my children, but I have to face reality and make a tough choice which I need your help for.

Regards,

[Have Hope]

To answer your question, no, it is not worth it and I would leave your wife ASAP. She is abusing both your daughter and you. This will not change, as I have learned the hard way myself, and likely will only get worse. You're not doing your daughter & other kids any favors by staying in this abusive relationship. Your daughter will be damaged from it, as will the other kids, and that damage will only get worse as time goes on.

[ssiraj]

Thank you so much for the hugs and support.

[Rastana]

I agree. You absolutely need to get out of that relationship. Do your best not to feel guilty, I find that to be one of the hardest parts. Peace be with you and your daughter.

[Embracingtruth]

When you have kids, prospective partners must understand this is not a one person deal, but a package offering. If they care for one, they must care for all. There's no picking and choosing. That's a consideration and responsibility that anyone willing to be with you must take seriously and never think events can or should change that. If they can't be all in, then they really need to be out. Your kids will always be in your life and need you. A stable support structure is critical to that bond. Don't let anyone fowl that nest.

[Bill3]

It doesn't matter what your daughter did or how she behaves.

You must not exclude her from your life.